2 Broke Girls/Funny

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Max telling Caroline about Han Li, the restaurant owner:

"Clientele used to be all Eastern block criminals and crack whores, but then he took it over and ruined it."

Max's shock when she sneaks into Caroline's old town house.

"Your shoes have their own house!"

Max asking Caroline if she dated the white or the really, really white one

"The really, really white one."

After Caroline sucessfully sells 4 of Earl's CDs at the diner.

Max: "Is any of that true?"
Earl: "Nope. She even made up my damn last name."

This:

Caroline: "Really? Now? Really? While I'm helping you?"
Max: "You're right. We'll trash you later."

This moment from "And The Pretty Problem:"

Max: Look, I don't want to wake you up, so why don't you sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on your vagina.

Caroline: Just make sure you buy me breakfast afterwards.

Max's riposte after the hippie cafe owner says no to her cupcakes for not being pretty enough.
In "And The Hoarder Culture":

Caroline: See? That's one box of Butterfinger wrappers gone.
Douglas: WHAT?!
Caroline: It's a metaphor, Douglas!

From "And The Very Christmas Thanksgiving" when Han announces that he's decorating the diner for Thanksgiving:

Max: I'm surprised that you got the right holiday decorations. You put out Easter bunnies for Yom Kippur.
Han: So many Jewish holidays I don't have time to Wikipedia all of them. What, like I don't have a life?"

Also, this:

Caroline: Oh God, you aren't gonna be one of those "I'm too cool for the wonders of Christmas" type of bitches, are you?
Max: I'm so many types of bitches I've lost count.

Every line uttered during Han's staff meeting in "And The Pop-Up Sale"
Max is a Deadpan Snarker so she's a great source of these, especially in "And The Secret Ingredient Is". Caroline has some great lines too, like "If men had periods tampons would be thrown like beads at a Mardi Gras parade."
This exchange from "And The Upstairs Neighbor", after one of Oleg's suggestive comments goes too far for Caroline:

Caroline: We have got to have a sexual harassment seminar.
Max: What for? He's already so good at it.

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