British Royal Family

This a Useful Notes page.

Then I was Princess Anne's assistant for a while, but I chucked that in because it was obvious they were never going to make me Princess Anne. —A Bit of Fry and Laurie

It's separation of patriotism and politics and I cannot commend it to you enough. —mapoftasmania, when asked "Why do you guys still have royalty?"

Head of State of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (and much of the The Commonwealth), the current monarch, King Charles III presides over a family that can, quite charitably, be described as a mix of apparently competent individuals, complete chuckleheads, and tabloid fodder. Fortunately for all concerned it was determined whether true power should rest with the monarchy or an elected parliament in 1649 when Charles I abruptly lost about 12 inches in height. Above his shoulders. This rather emphatic statement officially authorized the trend in which the King (or Queen) gradually lost to Parliament and the head of Government, the Prime Minister, and was finally accepted as pretty much fact in 1688 when Parliament invited William III of Orange and his wife Mary to invade England and seize the throne from the rather unpopular (and Catholic, pretty much the same thing at the time) James II.

Although now a figurehead and seen as generally useless in terms of running the country, there has been no real effort to abolish the monarchy in the United Kingdom, despite mumblings of it. The allure of the pomp and ceremony and the fact that they really can't do anything to hurt the nation (except perhaps due to embarrassing sex scandals) means there isn't a rush to get rid of them. Some Commonwealth countries, who don't even get a say over who their Head of State is, consider it a small price in exchange for having all the pageantry (and amusing antics) that someone else is paying for. Nevertheless, republicanism is stronger in the former colonies, with Barbados eschewing the late Queen Elizabeth II in favour of an elected, home-grown head of state with many other countries taking a more critical look at the monarchy in light of her passing and as the dark legacy of British colonialism becomes better understood.

In the UK, the Crown's "main" source of income is the "Sovereign Grant", calculated to around £1.29 to £1.34 GBP/taxpayer, a sum of a few hundred million GBP to fund their annual activities. Though they also draw considerable wealth from the Duchies of Lancaster and Cornwall, Elizabeth receiving $27 million USD from the former in the last full year of her life (2021) and the latter receiving $26 million USD in the same year, without having to pay any taxes on what they bring in. That's not including their various palaces and manors and stuff like paintings and other things that would go to the National Trust and would have no other real benefit to the public other than there being more boring museums to drag your kids to. These things are open most of the time anyway and the actual benefit the Royals bring to the desire to see England's tourist traps is heavily debated, given how many European countries also have such things as profitable tourist traps but no monarchs. The long and short of it is that no one knows quite how much the House of Windsor is worth, as they keep a firm lid on it, but it's speculated to be somewhere in the range of $28 billion USD.

Although a large and sprawling family, the current membership of the House of Mountbatten-Windsor is generally considered to refer mainly to:

Queen Elizabeth II (1952-2022). Affectionately referred to as "Aunty Liz". She was very dignified, dedicated, hardworking and by all accounts possessed an incredibly funny sense of humour in private, Liz was pretty much the ideal of the constitutional monarch, her sense of responsibility formed by the example of her parents in World War II. She ascended to the throne in 1952, though she was crowned in 1953, at the age of 26, and served until her death in 2022.

Was also very much the model of a Cool Old Lady. She was apparently quite the Deadpan Snarker and a fan of Doctor Who. She was also a bit of a technophile - televising her coronation was her idea. There was a serious flap when then US President Barack Obama gave her a iPod on her first official visit; she later clarified that she specifically asked for it, as her old one was out of date. She was also an accomplished equestrian, and rode sidesaddle during every Trooping the Colour ceremony until 1986 and was the first, and so far only, female royal to hold military rank in her own right; having joined the Women's Auxiliaries during WWII as a mechanic and rose to the rank of Junior Commander.

After 70 years on the throne; making her the longest sitting monarch in British history, the longest sitting female monarch and the second longest overall, Liz died on September 8th 2022.

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh (1921-2021). Married Elizabeth in 1947. Was considered a bit of a conservative git with rather dated views on racial issues, thanks to a raging case of foot-in-mouth disease that resisted treatment. Served as a naval officer in World War II on the Allied side and, despite being primarily of German descent, is a member of the former Greek royal family. He was once called a German Nazi by Mohammed Al-Fayed in one of the stranger moments of the very strange Diana inquest. Due to his Greek descent is sometimes referred to as "Phil The Greek". During his life he was, worshipped as god by inhabitants of Vanuatu who thought him to be a legendary figure from their folklore. Despite, or possibly because of, his regular foot-in-mouth episodes (and thus his being viewed as reliable entertainment by the general public), and a reputation for being hardworking (created the Duke of Edinburgh award among other things) and well meaning, he was rather well liked. On April 9th 2021, he passed due to natural causes, making him the longest royal consort in British history.

King Charles III. His Majesty since September 8th 2022, the oldest person to ascend to the British throne and perhaps best known as being the husband of the deceased Diana. A somewhat controversial figure, he's gained a reputation as both an environmentalist; one who champions for natural preservation and animal rights; and something of New-Age nutty who talks to plants and supports alternative medicine and whose upbringing has left him largely out of touch with the views of the common citizen, such as preferring more Awesome but Impractical classical and traditionalist styles of architecture rather than more practical modern, post-modern and functionalist designs. According to a former butler of his ex-wife, Paul Burrell, he's also a rather fussy man who disdains doing anything for himself. He also has rather large ears.

For decades, the topic of his ascension prompted a decidedly mixed reception, with occasional, but largely insignificant, mumblings they should skip him and go straight to William. When The Vicar of Dibley finished up, Richard Curtis didn't want to strike the sets, saying that "Britain might need some cheering up when Charles becomes king." Charles himself, however, is said to have quite the sense of humour and is fond of British comedy, notably being the highest ranking fan of Monty Python in the world.

For most of his life, Charles' polling with the British public was, charitably speaking, quite poor, being lucky to reach 40% approval. As his mother's health began taking a turn for the worst, Charles became Regent in all but name and his approval rating began to rise, clocking at a whopping 60% in 2021. As King, he's enjoyed much higher approval rates than during his tenure as heir apparent. In 2024 though, only a year after ascending, he was diagnosed with cancer, leading him to scale back his duties as monarch, many of which were taken up William.

Camilla, Queen Consort. Formerly Camilla Parker-Bowles, she was the long-term mistress of Prince Charlie before finally marrying him in 2005. Having married Charles, she was technically the Princess of Wales, but chose not to use the title, recognizing that many still identify it with Diana. She does her job without any fuss and never upstages Charles. Though reported to be a very nice person who doesn't deserve the vitriol spewed her way, the circumstances surrounding their marriage, or more accurately the divorce between Charles and the still much beloved Diana, blight the public's opinion of her. While public opinion has, albeit slowly, moved in a positive direction in England, she remains much more divisive a figure in the larger commonwealth.

Princess Anne, the Princess Royal. Currently on her second marriage, Anne was the tabloid target for her antics before Diana was on the scene. Since then, "Princess Sourpuss" has mellowed considerably and has become a rather popular royal due to her constant presence waving the flag for the family. Still has a face like a horse. Speaking of horses, she used to be a rather good show rider and competed in the Olympics in 1976, where she won silver. Zara Phillips is now filling her shoes in this respect. She was almost kidnapped & killed when a man forced himself into her car and said he was going to hold her hostage. Her response to this was to sock him in the face and shout "Like hell you are!"

Prince Andrew, Duke of York. Flew helicopters in the Royal Navy, served in combat in the Falklands War, and had his own share of tabloid trouble thanks to his marriage and divorce of Sarah Ferguson. Sadly for those looking for scandal, the separation and divorce was amicable, the two are apparently still friends (and actually live beside each other), and share custody of the two daughters, Beatrice and Eugenie. The two pulled off an unbelievable transformation from tabloid fodder to Model Divorced Couple. Sarah, Duchess of York, would return to the spotlight in 2010 after being caught attempting to sell access to her ex-husband. Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie win the "Craziest Headgear Award" at every royal wedding.

Though none of that matters. Since late 2019, you probably know him best for his association with infamous American sex-trafficker Jeffery Epstein. Admittedly no one knows exactly how deep their association went but Andrew infamously gave a BBC interview where he displayed zero sympathy for Epstein's victims. In January 2022, the Palace stripped him of all his royal privileges and announced that he would face trial as a private citizen. After settling that out of court, he has since been seen alongside his family in a much reduced capacity at the various events following his mother's death. Since then, he's been said to not be receiving any taxpayer funding, with it being reported that his personal security is paid for using Charles' personal funds.

Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex. Gave up a a career in the Royal Marines before it started and showed an interest in theatre and television production (going on to host several documentaries). His first foray into that, It's a Royal Knockout was a bit of a failure. Dogged by rumors he's gay, which were somewhat quieted when he married Sophie Rhys-Jones (who is apparently the Queen's favourite daughter-in-law) in 1999. He and Sophie have two children, Lady Louise Windsor and James, Viscount Severn.

William, Prince of Wales. First son of Charles, and first in line for the throne, William initially had a bit of a rep as a playboy and concerns he didn't take his responsibilities that seriously. However, he mellowed out over the years, and his popularity in England became quite high. He is almost as much a master of the poker face as his late grandmother. Like his father, he spent time in all three branches of the British military (navy, army and air force) for his future role as commander-in-chief. In September 2010, he earned his wings as an RAF search and rescue pilot. Married longtime girlfriend and "commoner" Kate Middleton - now known as Catherine, Princess of Wales - on 29 April 2011 in the biggest royal wedding since Charles & Diana, to general approval. Catherine has since become a fashion icon around the world, famous for the bounciest curls to ever bounce and, more cynically, as something of a Baby Factory, having given birth to three children within less than a decade. While extremely popular and beloved in England, the couple are much more divisive in the lager Commonwealth, largely for the same reasons that the majority of Britain loves them. If you have trouble remembering which one is William and which one is Harry, William is the bald one who kinda looks like a male Diana. In 2024, following his father's cancer diagnosis, William became a functional regent, taking on many duties of the monarch as Charles went through treatment.

Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex. Second son of Charles, the Fiery Redhead Harry acquired a reputation as a bit of an idiot thanks to stunts like showing up at a costume party dressed in an Afrika Korps uniform. Since then he became a career soldier in the British armoured corps and was apparently a very dedicated officer and small unit commander and very much a typical member of the military when it came to beer and women. He was rumored to have threatened to make a public spectacle if he wasn't allowed to go to Afghanistan with his unit in 2007. He has since served in active duty in Afghanistan, but was brought back after certain members of the media broke silence on his being there (not cool, Aussie media). Then he took up flying helicopters, which solved the problem—helicopters being a priority target anyway, the enemy isn't going to care if the pilot is a prince. Was in an on-again, off-again tabloid-fodder relationship with wealthy Zimbabwean Chelsy Davy from 2004-2009; they have since split for good. In 2018, Harry wed American actress Meghan Markle. Two years later the couple stepped down from their royal duties alleging racism on the part of the larger family against Meghan. Since leaving the royal household, Harry settled down in California and, unlike the usual royal apathy to politics, has become a voice for progressivism. This wasn't very well-received by the pro-royal crowd of Britain, due to them perceiving Meghan as something of an Alpha Bitch who allegedly was abusive to the Royals' Staff and Harry as her Extreme Doormat Henpecked Husband, though it's caused the anti-royal crowd in Britain and around the Commonwealth to look fondly on the couple. There were rumors in the 80's about Harry being fathered by Diana's supposed once-lover Colonel James Hewitt, but these went away with time and thanks to his Strong Family Resemblance to Charles.

Zara Phillips. Following in her mother Anne's footsteps, reigned as Eventing World Champion from 2006-2010, but could not defend her title due to some horrifically bad luck with her horse. She also got Sports Personality of the Year in 2006. Currently trying to earn a spot on the Olympic eventing team for Great Britain. Turns up in, of all things, the comic book V for Vendetta, as Queen Zara, all those above her in the list having been killed in a nuclear war. Recently married Mike Tindall (who plays Rugby Union for Gloucester and was at the time England Captain, in one of the most peculiar upper-crust/working-class pairings ever). When she was born she was sixth in line for the throne (now currently thirteenth), but the reason she doesn't possess an HRH title because her mother did not want her children to grow up with any which excludes her from automatic entitlement to royal status.

{{#related:Elizabeth II}} {{#related:The House of Windsor}}