Cats Are Mean/Quotes

"The kitten's face is soft and furry. The kitten's voice is soft and purry. The trouble with the kitten is that Eventually it becomes a cat." —Ogden Nash

"It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats Are Mean for the fun of it." —P. J. O'Rourke

"Is this one of those situations that involves "ethics"? Because I'm a cat, you know. I've never been particularly good at those." —Krosp I, Emperor of all Cats, Girl Genius

"Billington is an expert at soul-sucking abominations. Now he's in thrall to another, greater evil: one with a damaged body, so he's provided it with a convenient temporary replacement while he comes up with enough sacrificial victims and spare parts to repair its original one. What entity aboard this ship exhibits all the personality traits of a cold-blooded killing machine, combined with the monstrous, overweening vanity and laziness of a convalescent war god lounging in their personal Valhalla while their minions prepare their armor? There's only one answer. The Persian tomcat..." —Bob Howard, on why a cat is the perfect host for an Eldritch Abomination; The Jennifer Morgue

"No cat in the world ever gave anyone a straight answer." —The Last Unicorn

"Dogs aren't clever, they eat their own dung, They whine like babies and sweat through their tongue, The big ones are stupid, the small are high-strung, But cats are c***s." —Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

"Cats are asssholes." —Robot Chicken

"You should realize by now, your highness-- a cat has no duty but to do exactly as he pleases." —Perrault, No Rest for The Wicked

"If cats are growing opposable thumbs, that means they can hold s*** like a butcherknife, a stick of dynamite, a lightsaber, or your mother's favourite toy, which she refers to as a back massager but we all know that ain't what it's for. I'm just saying, I don't want cats taking over the world. Their videos are already taking over the damn Internet!"

"Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should just get used to it." —Anonymous

"Macavity, Macavity, there's no-one like Macavity For he's a fiend in feline shape, A monster of depravity" —T. S. Eliot, Old Possums Book of Practical Cats

"The Cat is held up to reprobation as a selfish animal, seeking her own comfort and disregardful of others; attached only to localities, and bearing no real affection for her owners. She is said to be sly and treacherous, hiding her talons in her velvety paws as long as she is in a good temper, but ready to use them upon her best friends if she is crossed in her humors."

"Whatever may have been the experience of those who gave so slanderous a character to the Cat, my own rather wide acquaintance with this animal has led me to very different conclusions. The Cats with which I have been most familiar have been as docile, tractable, and good-tempered as any dog could be, and displayed an amount of intellectual power which would be equalled by very few dogs, and surpassed by none." —The Reverend J.G. Wood, from the 1885 book Our Living World: A Natural History.

"Bloody things, I hate those bloody cats! The way they meow and they piss everywhere and their shit just smells bloody awful! All over my furniture!" —Gregg the Grim Reaper, Conkers Bad Fur Day

"I don't bloody believe it! They've got fish versions of the little bastards now!" —Gregg the Grim Reaper, Conkers Bad Fur Day