Die Hundert Hühner Hammurabis

Die Hundert Hühner Hammurabis (Hammurabi's Hundred... (c)Hickens) is a Web Original novel from 1996 (yes, that's pretty early, but he did have the WWW already at this time) by German Tabletop RPG player Dominik D. Freydenberger. You can read it on his homepage here.

It's about the (mis)adventures of a typical fantasy party, consisting of an attractive elven woman (some kind of singing killer hippie), the poacher "Wütender Wilderer XX" (meaning: Angry Poacher the XXth), the rock troll Grzfrz, the talkative mage Mahgg the Mighty, and the strange alien (yes, as in extraterrestrial) slime priest ("slime prie" for friends) of gLLLuuuuBB (green).

Also, DTddangh (Der Typ, der das alles nur geträumt hat / The guy who just dreamed all of that) has an important part.

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Tropes used in Die Hundert Hühner Hammurabis include:

• Abbreviation and Acronym Overload: Like "M.K.d.i.d.K.g.h.b.i.z.g.w." or "D.H.B.m.d.H.m.d.28,2558S.z.E.w.l.e.k.d.a.t.n.28,2558g.G.k." (not trying to translate that!)
• Added Alliterative Appeal: It starts with the title and definitely doesn't stop there.
• Alien Sky: It has two moons, one yellow, one blue -- which logically(?) results in green light.
• All Just a Dream: From the start until the end of the third book.
• Alternative Calendar: One date given is the 37th of Schmuh 1888.
• Das Althe Verhacksthückte Teutsch: The new main plot. Yes, a plot that can speak.
• Altum Videtur: By God. "Multi sunt vocati, pauci vero electi."
• Anachronism Stew: Among other things, they find a key for a locker in the train station of Frankfurt.
• Anything That Moves: A guy cheats on his gf with her mother, her 28.2558 sisters, her best friend, her 28.2558 sisters, her dead brother, and her German shepherd.
• Arc Number: 28.2558. Sometimes used as in "28:25:58", like the time of the day.
  • At one point, they find a restaurant which offers 28.2558 different garlic dishes. Even better: It's run by Dracula.
  • There's also a club which wants to eliminate this number. Which they repeatedly, er, repeat. They're doing something wrong.
  • At one point, it seems to have worked, and you have to call this number "Blumentopf" (flower pot) now.
  • One chapter consists practically only of this number, repeatedly. "Mystic, isn't it?"
• Attack of the 50 Foot Whatever: In this case, the 28.2558 Meter high Hamster.
• Berserk Button: Old Atlantean cult songs -- for hamsters.
• Beyond the Impossible: One character is cooled to -10° Kelvin. It's lampshaded.
• The Bore: Mahgg, which is why the other party members stuffed something into their ears. At one point he insists introducing all the ants of his ant farm: "This is ant 1, this is ant 2 ... and this is ant 2345771!"
• Breaking the Fourth Wall: Constantly.
• Burn the Witch: The spoon king wonders whether he wouldn't have been deposed if he had burned more witches.
• Captain Obvious: At one point, they find signposts stating "In this direction" and "The opposite way". Except that someone turned them 180° (but they notice).
• Catch Phrase: "Ja so ist das bei uns in Texas." (Yes, that's the way with us in Texas.)
• Cool Bike: After some chapters, the party steals some Harleys from a bunch of orks.
• The Cult: "'Die Hundert Hühner Hammurabis'-Fangemeinschaft e.V." (=official fan-club of guess what), who want to buy as many copies of this book as possible.
• Curse: The family of the Knight of the Holy Nailcutter was cursed, so they have to use one exclamation mark in every sentence.
• Detonation Moon: The dark-orange agent does it, by remote.
• Deus Ex Machina: "In extremis". The elf woman gets liberated from the prison in which she is bound with heavy chains, because two extradimensional generals had made a bet about the chances of a snowball in hell. It reduced her chains to iron powder.
• Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: A bailiff seizes god's ownings, even his plushie collection.
• Driven to Suicide: A cliff. (Felswand)
• Eat the Dog: DT
• Embarrassing Nickname: WW XX is also called "the wild Viennese sausage", but that's just once for a gag.
• Evil Twin: DT has it. Said twin is female, while he's male.
• Evil Vegetarian: The Great Blubber believes in this trope. His parents fell into a machine that packed tofu, were divided among 2558 cans, and afterwards eaten by vegetarians.
• Flowery Insults: "You are [...] a lawyer, a vegetarian, a cheater at gambling, an insurance salesman, a volksmusik fan!"
• Flying Seafood Special: The elf woman meets a gang of flying whales and dolphins, on her Harley.
• Funny Spoon: In prison, WW meets a sentient spoon who's the deposed king of the city named Stadt. He used to reign over cutlery, glasses, bottles, and jars.
• Fun with Acronyms: The G.H.U.L. (Gräßlichen Häßlichen UnterweltLebewesen -- horrible ugly underworld living beings).
  • Confusingly, there's also a Gilde Heiliger und Unheiliger Luftfahrzeuge (Guild of holy and unholy air vehicles).
• The Generic Guy: Gnoff. And then, shortly after he appears, he turns into a cloud of waldmeister fog. Nobody notices.
• Genre Bust: The self-description is "Ein Kriminal -- Science Fiction -- Horror -- Fantasy -- Cyberpunk -- Western -- Road Novel -- Dark Fantasy -- Endzeit -- Space Opera -- Soap Opera -- Alles was Sie in 28,2558 Minuten lesen können -- Apokalypsen -- Gewaltverherrlichungs -- Unfug -- Alles-in-einem -- Historien -- Roman". Of course, you can also read it as a very crazy parody of Speculative Fiction.
• German Dialects: Saxon (or something similar) in a quote by Zonan the Barbarian / Pseudo-Saxon / Thief / King / Highwayman / Sword master / German teacher / loser
• The Grim Reaper: Except that he is a she. No, this doesn't make her a Death-ine or Death-ess or so. Also, she's really a Fairy Godmother. But when the guy she meets wishes for unlimited money, the wish is void because he didn't wish for world peace.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: The Elvish woman doesn't like (besides orks): Jokes about her ears, jokes about her height, stupid guys trying stupid pick-up lines, and orks.
• The Igor: Frankenstein has one to help him, of course. But while he looks like The Igor and talks in grunts, Igor speaks normally. Doesn't have anything to do with the main plot.
• I'm a Humanitarian: DTddangh meets a gravedigger who sells armburgers, fried fingers and brain soup.
• Incredibly Lame Pun: One guy in a bar is depressed ("deprimiert" in German). All of his prime numbers were stolen. (De-prim-ed, get it?) The bartender kicks him out for the pun.
  • At a gas station.

Motorcycle driver: "Does this motorcycle really need no barber?" Gas station attendant: "No, why?" Motorcycle driver: "Because this is a Hair-ley!" Gas station attendant: <fetches flamethrower>

• In-Laws From Hell: Inverted, a Vladimir S. from Hammerheim had a beloved mother-in-law. But she died because he broke a chain letter.
• Insistent Terminology: "Der Schatz (evtl. mit Kral)" = "The treasure (pbly. with kraal)"
• Intimidating Revenue Services: The Kirghizian tax men choir.

"Hahaha, so ist das Leben, (that's life) manche nehmen, manche geben, (some take, some give) Chachacha!"

• Just-So Story: One very important character gets a model of a Time Machine. When he reads in the manual that he can use it to travel to any point in time except "Grumpf", he immediately goes there, and meets the Creator making the world. When the Creator asks him for a number to base everything on, he suggests his shoe size -- 28.2558. And now you know.
• Klatchian Coffee: Plus- Koff- Kaff ("The Coffee with 98% Coffeine™")
• Knight Errant: The Knight of the Holy Nailcutter.
• Lampshade Hanging: Constantly!
• Landslide Election: God defeats The Pope and gets 28.2558 of 20 votes. So he's reelected.
• Lethal Chef: The elven woman. Better don't tell her that her ork nose stew with ork ears doesn't taste good.
• Literal Metaphor: One character is killed by falling Mount Everest. Faith can move mountains, you know.
• Long List: Mahgg introducing all of his ants, from ant 1 to ant 2345771.
• Louis Cypher: Or rather, C. Th. Ulhu. He's a dancing teacher.
• Mad Scientist: He's even named Frankenstein (although he looks like The Igor and talks in grunts). He wants to prove that it's possible to turn humans into wastebaskets -- and succeeds!
• Magick: Or rather, Mahhggie. The point is, it's much more magical than ordinary magic.
• Mathematician's Answer: "Is the King (Elvis) still alive or really dead already?" -- "Yes."
• Meaningful Name: Haustotwennsnochzuckt (Beatittodeathifitstillmoves), the god of the first hunters and gatherers.
• Mix-and-Match Critters: Among others, a huhnofant -- half chicken, half elephant.
• Mundane Utility: After a fight against killer chicken, the heroes eat tasty drumsticks.
• The Napoleon: The elvish woman is short and doesn't like it at all if you mention it.
• Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Among other things, a starship with dragons.
• No Except Yes: At one point, an endless crusade through the base begins, which would lead to many problems. Except it wasn't a crusade, not endless, and wouldn't lead to any real problems.
• Non-Indicative Name: There's neither hundred chickens nor a Hammurabi in the story (well, except for the title). Except in the shape of the official fan club of Die Hundert Hühner Hammurabis and other Self-Referential Humor.
  • OK, king Hammurabi appears. He was a great fan of hamster bread and recommended to eat it before any battle, or your death.
• Odd Job Gods: Like Pflop, god of rubber balls.
• Oxymoronic Being: All the members of the party of militant pacifists (PMP).
• Packed Hero: The parents of the Great Blubber fell into a machine that packed tofu, were divided among 2558 cans, and afterwards eaten by vegetarians.
• Painting the Medium: The elven woman can pronounce bold words, and the other group members Lampshade it.
• Planet of Steves: A board computer who calls anyone "Dave". Doubles as a Shout-Out to 2001: A Space Odyssey.
• Portable Hole: Grzfrz owns a "bag of infinite reaches".
• Pun: Lots and lots and lots. Some translatable ones:
  • "Ali Terrorations" for alliterations
  • King Kong making a gorilla war...
  • A half-elf (elf = eleven) has a tattoo stating "5.5".
• Rhymes on a Dime: An Artificial Intelligence DT meets. Except that its poems don't rhyme. But they are poems. Hey, after 282.558 years in a boring rocket base you'd try to spend your time with a hobby too.
• Ridiculous Future Sequelisation: "Star Wars XCVIII"
• Right Hand Cat: Inverted. A fat white cat stroking a bald villain.
• Secret Agent: Wearing an orange trenchcoat and an orange hat, having one glass of orange juice in one hand and a box of oranges under the other arm. He's the orange agent.
• Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Grzfrz the troll. It's funny because trolls are usually dumb as bricks.
• Shaggy Dog Story: At the end of the first book, they found the treasure -- but at that moment, it's beamed up into a starship of the federation.
• Shaped Like Itself: One man owns a book with the title "A Book".
  • A city named city. (Or "Stadt", in the German original.) -- In the past, it was actually named "Collection of houses which all belong to the king".
• Shout-Out: Several.
  • In one paragraph in the first chapter, we meet the Tomatator -- sent back from the 23rd century to kill the woman who'll once tell her son the secret salad recipe his descendant will need to destroy the tomato dictator which will run the world in the future, after World War 23.
  • Even later, there's the Totmachator.
  • At one point, a dwarf appears who sings a slightly differently version of the "heiho" song.
  • Mahgg saying: "Elementary, my dear slime priest, elementary!"
  • WW XX screaming, when a UFO appears: "Mullduh been right!"
  • They meet the Balrog from guess which book, who tells them about his fight against that mage, and how it ended when the mage distracted him with a pie.
  • At one point, they have to fight Gotz Von Berlichingen. Who has a magic cyberfist now.
  • They meet Licky Louse and Groovy. A louse working for the police and a grooving dog. What did you expect?
  • An American history teacher who wears a leather jacket and fights TheNazis with a whip.
  • Pink drumming rabbits, like in that battery commercial.
  • Admiral von Snyder. He runs a starship.
  • The Necronomicon (Scottish first edition, translated into Korean)
  • Alfonse from a German ad for bistro baguettes. He gets stuffed into his own oven.
  • Bananananas.
  • DTddangh finds in one treasure heap, so to speak: 99 air balloons!
  • At one point, general Glabunz meets Casanova. Yes, the original, not the famous VCR programmer.
  • The leader of a revolution (against the number 28.2558) is "Großer Blubber" (reminding of "Großer Bruder", as in "Big Brother").
  • Super-Icicle, the icicle from planet Krypton
  • "Is it a meteor? Is it a flying container for living? No, it is SUPERTROLL!"
• The Snack Is More Interesting: A balrog is distracted by the mage with a cream pie.
• The Sons and the Spears: Subverted, when the father (here, a farmer) fails to break a single stick and has to ask his eldest son to do it. Which makes the other sons complain whether he's the favorite now. So they all get a stick to break. When the father asks whether they can break a bundle of four sticks, the youngest son answers with a yes -- if you saw them a bit. And at the end, the same son decides to Kill'Em All with his Chainsaw Good.
• Split Personality: A rubber robot named Dimitrij who daily changes his identities between a member of the Leningrad Cowboys, a motor bike, an Irish fishmonger, and god.
• Spy Speak: The dark-orange agent and the guy who calls him, natch.
• Stuff Blowing Up: The dark-orange agent (he is the orange agent, just Darker and Edgier) blows up a stereotypical bald villain with a white cat, so only molecules remain. And some other stuff.
• Take a Third Option: When the group disagrees whether to plunder first or eat first, WW 20 has the idea: Let's do both at the same time!
• Technicolor Toxin: At one point, DT finds some tanks with helpful labels like "poisonous and green", "poisonous and blue", or "very poisonous and pink".
• Too Many Halves: Tentacle covers made form 100% old paper, 100% tropical rainforest cotton, and 100% biologically degradable -- makes 300%. Or so.
• Torches and Pitchforks: At one point, the party is chased by a group of peasants with this. But when a subvention suddenly appears, they are distracted, and our party survives.
• Tradesnark™: For the "SCHECKIGE WILDE WANDERNDE SONDERMÜLLDEPONIE" (motley wild wandering landfill for toxic garbage)
• Translation Yes: One ork is named "Eingeweidereißer" (Gut-ripper), which means in Orkish though "Netter- Kerl- der- Blumen- und- kleine- süße- Tiere- über- alles- liebt- und- keiner- Fliege- etwas- zu- Leide- tun- könnte" (Nice guy who loves flowers and cute little animals more than anything else and couldn't hurt a fly).
• The Unpronouncable: The elvish woman in the group. As the narrator tells us, you are only able to pronounce it correctly if you are full of Elven wine. Also, it's an Overly Long Name. -- It's never actually written down, and he usually calls her "Nur-Voll" (only full).
  • Grzfrz the troll fighter- Gladiator- Barbarian- Pirate- Thief plays the trope straight.
• Unusual Chapter Numbers: The story starts with 1.1.1.1. -- Cycle, tome, book, chapter.
  • Later, we get 1.1.2.2-point-5. And then, a kind of Continuity Reboot, starting again with 1.1.2.1., and then "still 1.1.2.1 (who'd have thought?)". And chapters with Roman numbers. And revolutionary chapters.

"This chapter has no caption".

• World War X: World War 23 and World War 12.5 are mentioned. In the latter, Vatican City declares war on the US, France and Switzerland -- and wins, thanks to god's pillars of fire.
• You Can't Fight Fate: God (the fourth one) explicitly says so. He's omnipotent, but even he may not fight fate.
• You No Take Candle: The barbarian hero "Wütender Wilderer XX".
• Your Money or Your Life: Exaggerated. DTddangh is held up by some mutants who tell him: "Money or credit cards or stocks or secret info or [ Long List ] or waterfalls or stamps or telephone cards or ties or life?" -- They're offering all this to him.