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  • "There's always time for lubricant!"
  • "ITS IN MEEEEEE!!!"
  • From the same scene:
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Alison: Can we get you anything? Do you need anything?
Harry: Ice cream... I'd like an ice cream, please.
Alison: Yeah? What flavour?
Harry: It doesn't matter. It's for my ass.

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Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate. (grabs a surgical saw)
Harry: Whoa, Doc! Don't take the leg! Ira, don't let them take my leg.
Ira: Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
Nurse Tate: Doctor, look!
Dr. Paulson: It's headed for his testicles!
(Beat)
Harry: Take it! Take it!! TAKE THE LEG!!

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Ira: Cut him open, let's get this thing!
Harry: Cut me open?! There goes your Christmas gift, Judas!

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Harry: Wayne, I think we've established that "Ka-Kaw Ka-Kaw" and "Tukki Tukki" don't work.
Wayne: (sheepish) Right. Sorry.
(After a short while, he starts singing into the mic, to the utter disbelief of Ira and Harry)
Wayne: (singing) You are so beautiful, to meeee...
Ira: ...Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.
Harry: Uh-uh, stand down! I'm taking this one out myself.

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    • It works.
  • Ira's "fruit basket" for General Woodman.
  • Harry holding the bottle backwards during the commercial at the end.
  • {After the dragon alien barfs up its eggsac}
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Harry: Mazel tov, it's a boy!

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  • Harry getting sucked into the giant alien's ass.
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Harry: IT'S HOR-R-R-RIBLE IN HERE!

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    • Not to mention when Ira finally pries him out, Harry shouts, "Don't you EVER tell anyone where I've been!"
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Ira: If I was a giant nasty alien bird in a department store, where would I be?
Harry: Lingerie.
Ira: Not you, the bird.
Harry: ...Lingerie!

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  • Deke and Danny's hilariously bad science papers:
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Ira: Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled "Cells are Bad" and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: "Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same boring old magazine everyday. The end."

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  • Though he's seriously a jackass, this troper can't help but crack up when the General explains how to kill the alien.
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General Woodman: With napalm. Lots and lots of napalm.

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