From "Back to the Woods", when Brian, who is tied up to the pole because James Woods, who has recently stolen Peter's identity (and everything he has), does not like the fact that Brian is snooping around:
Brian (tugging on rope): This is humiliating. I went to Brown, for God's sa--
(spots squirrel running past, starts chasing and barking at it wildly until the rope snags him backward)
Brian (confused) : What the hell? The rope was longer, now it's shorter! What kind of black magic is this?
Peter Griffin's epic fights with Ernie the Giant Chicken.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'm trying to get all the As out."
"So it's a shouting contest you want, is it? Well, game on, Quahog! AAAAH! AAAAH! AAAAH! AAA- I'm beating you!"
The Adam West song.
And let's not forget the cat launcher, which is a crossbow with cats. It's as awesome as it sounds.
Kebert Xela.
West: Only by saying his name backwards can you send him back to the fifth dimension where he belongs.
Adam West wanted all graves covered with concrete because he's afraid of zombies. "You'll thank me when no one eats our brains. You'll thank me." He later runs away screaming "zombie" after Quagmire comes out of his grave.
The Running Gag where Peter's latest contraption gashes a hole in Cleveland's house, making Cleveland, in his bathtub, come crashing to the ground.
Also from "Da Boom", when a giant mutant rat approaches Joe, who is fused from the waist down to the concrete in his driveway, with the intent to eat him.
Stewie: Flappy, guess what? I've decided not to kill you!
In "Death is a Bitch", when Death asks what the world would be like if Hitler were still alive. We get a hilarious cutaway gag to Hitler with his own talkshow, ending in addressing the audience that, if they would like tickets to the show, they should call "213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!". Doubly hilarious for those that speak German and realize that, roughly translated, it means "You will need a nurse!"
Meg and Peter walking along in New York when the background suddenly changes to that of The Flintstones. They look around in absolute confusion before slowly backing away.
Brian and Stewie trying to get home via a crop-duster plane. They try to take off...only to put the plane between two cows, snapping the wings clean off. Stewie's completely deadpan reaction:
Stewie: Oh, won't your face be red when they find the black box on this one.
This gem, as they travel in a stolen car.
Brian: Look, I just need some time to think.
Stewie: Yes, you've got lots to think about, don't you? Public drunkenness, grand theft auto...
Brian: You left out the part where I made you smash your head into the windshield.
Stewie: Well now, funny, I don't recall...
(Slams on the brakes, makes Stewie smash into the windshield)
Stewie: Yes, well, I suppose I walked right into that one.
When it's mentioned that Peter once turned the house into a puppet, prompting the viewer to wonder what the hell that could possibly mean...then they cut to it and it's exactly what it sounds like.
"Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry!"
Drive-by arguments.
Englishman: I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B. Stifworth, the young upstart chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth?
Jeremy: Why yes, I daresay it is.
Englishman: Oh, let's get him.
They drive up
Englishman: Oh Reginald...
(Reginald perks up)
Englishman: I DISAGREE! (car peels off)
Most of the jokes in the earlier episode, "He's Too Sexy for His Fat".
When fleas infest their household:
Peter Griffin: There's only one thing to do--learn the language of the fleas, earn their trust, and breed with their women. And in time our differences will be forgotten.
Lois:CALL THE DAMN EXTERMINATOR!!!
The exterminators themselves act as if they were from a cheesy action show and use overblown tactics to kill the fleas and acting terrified of the fleas as if they were armed combatants. Particular highlights include using sub machine guns and blowing up a flea with a grenade.
Got one over here! (Proceed to attack a flea with nightsticks)
After Peter gets surgery to make himself more attractive -
Lois: "Ahh, I hate what you've become. Why don't you go back to that doctor and have him suck the fat out of your head?"
Peter: "Maybe I will! Then I'll put it on my feet and skate around on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks!"
Lois: "That doesn't make any sense!"
Peter: "It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful!"
After Peter's introduces his new thin body to the family - Stewie: "My god, it's finally happened! He's become so massive he's collapsed into himself, like a neutron star!"
Little Girl: "But mister, I need real money. I can't take a credit card." Peter: "Oh, cash only, huh, huh? No paper trail, huh? What are you selling? Reefer? Crack? Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighborhood? I don't think so!" (Peter smashes the lemonade stand).
"Well if my son can't come in, then I'll just come in!
Stewie trying to buy instruments of carnage at the hardware store using a mind-controlled Chris. Seth Green affecting a Chris-ified version of Stewie's plummy Evil Brit accent while spouting Stewie-esque Ax Crazythreats is hysterical.
The "Family Guy Cast and Creator" episode of Inside The Actor's Studio reveals that this is Seth Green's favorite Chris scene.
Young Peter: Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Museum Guide: Because you touch yourself at night.
"I-I'm not drunk, alright, I just have a speech impediment. * puke* And a stomach virus. *collapse* And an inner ear infection."
The gag from "Emission Impossible" where Stewie puts on lipstick in order to get it all over Peter's shirt hoping Lois will think he's unfaithful and therefore not try to have another kid with him. Then he sees himself in the mirror...
Stewie: You want it bad, and you don't care how you get it because you have no self-respect and that gets you off!
Brian: Wow, the evidence is really piling up.
Stewie: Make any joke you want! You KNOW I look good!
"I loooove chocolate, but I can't eat it because then I'll get FAT."
Brian: Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hiney h-ohh God, I hate you so much.
How about Peter narrating his own life?
Lois finally snapping in the Christmas episode when Meg says they're out of paper towels. "No...paper...TOWELS??!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Made even funnier after she's raged at the family she then runs outside having completely lost it and Meg finds the paper towels. "Oh, here's the paper towels!"
Cardinal: Pope?...Pope! Is time to get up and put on your hat.
Pope: Is a stupid hat!
[later]
Pope: You make-a the Pope look like a fool! God will make you pay! SMITE THEM! [pause] "He's-a cooking something up."
Also: I vill hear no more insinuations about ze German people! NOTHING BAD HAPPENED! Sie werden sich hinsetzen!! Sie werden ruhig sein!! Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland!!!
Brian: You wanna go get some ice cream?
(Stewie shakes his head no)
Brian: You wanna get some Mc Donald's?
(Stewie shakes his head no)
Brian: You wanna take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes?
(Stewie nods his head yes)
Brian: Okay, let's go take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes.
And, in the "Kiss-Stock" subplot, when two members of Kiss walk out, and the other break into "Chatanooga Choo-Choo", surprising the crowd.
His pants split, revealing his underwear which has Captain's Log written on the crotch.
"Oh-fiddler, ontheroof - seems crazy, no? But in our-littletown-of... Anatevka... KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
From "Mr. Griffin Goes To Washington", in the scene where the cigarette company coated the entire house in Teflon, Stewie slides past on his butt, naked. Which is funny enough on it's own, but then he says:
Stewie: I'm nudes on ice!
Bob Dole: Bob Dole's a friend of the tobacco industry. Bob Dole likes your style. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole...Bob Dole...Bob...Dole... *falls asleep*
Season Four
The first scene after its resurrection is possibly one of the funniest Take Thats to one's own network that I've ever seen.
Peter: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been canceled.
Lois: Oh no, Peter! How could they do that?
Peter: Well unfortunately Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That '80s Show, Wonderfalls, Fastlane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girls Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunmen, A Minute With Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg the Bunny.
"Not the Griffins, you moron! The rest of the pieces to my Lite Brite! My name's not Adam We!...Or is it...? Who am I? What number did you dial?! Don't ever call me again."
Peter and "that thing" he and Lois do "every Thursday night". At the top of the stairs. (It was originally going to be even worse too.)
The scene where Chris gets pulled into the "Take On Me" music video while trying to retrieve milk from the store, coupled with his confused reaction afterward:
Peter: Say, uh, how much for the fat guy in the circle?
Pat: That's you.
Peter: Oh, embarrassing...
The fake death for Quagmire that Peter, Joe, and Cleveland set up.
Lois and Peter 'roleplaying':
Lois(dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl): Oh, I need a spankin'. I'm a bad, bad girl!
Peter: I'm a Paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points. I can use my helm of disintegration and do one D4 damage as my half-elf mage wields his plus-five holy avenger.
Lois: Paladins can't use the helm of disintegration!
Peter challenging Lois to a race around the world.
The Vasectomy Song.
Brian telling Lois about what he watched on TV on the episode "Deep Throats": "I just watched a VH1 special on Gwen Stefani. I still don't know what a hollaback girl is. All I know is that I want her dead."
Peter and Lois licking Chris like ice cream when they're high.
Chris: (sobbing) Stop!
The uncut version of Lois and Peter lying on top of each other naked on the couch much to Stewie and Brian's discomfort:
Brian: "All we need is one incriminating entry in this datebook and that's our ticket to...
(He and Stewie see Lois and Peter lying completely naked on the sofa)
Peter: "Hey Brian. What's up?
Brian: "Uh, hi, um, Lois...Peter..."
Lois: "Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's sooo comfortable!"
Peter: "Hey, Lois. Look how short Stewie is. (laughs) He's so short. (continues laughing)
Stewie: "Well, um, you two are busy being nude, so, um, we'll just head out and uh...let you be nude."
(Ironically, given that Brian sees Lois naked, he reacts very nervously, considering the fact he has a crush on her) Watch the clip for yourself You'll never watch Family Guy the same way again!)
Peter's erotic novel, The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish. As read by Betty White.
Brian: "Wow, I can't believe I'm in heaven and drinking with Kurt Cobain, Ernest Hemingway, and Vincent van Gogh! But still, it feels like we all got here a little earlier than we should have."
Ernest Hemingway: "Yeah, well, I collapsed under the weight of my own genius and shot myself."
Vincent Van Gogh: "I could not reconcile my passion with the way others were living around me, so I shot myself."
Kurt Cobain: "I hated the thought of my music becoming part of some bland corporate mechanism, so I shot myself."
Brian:(sheepishly) "Yeah, I...I just got into the garbage and ate some chocolate."
Also from the movie, there's Stewie's defacement of Brian's grave (he crosses Brian's name and writes "Douchebag" on it):
Stewie: "Ha!"
Stu: "I don't think you should do that..."
Stewie: "And why not? I hated that dog."
Stu: "It's just that that word has taken on a different meaning since President Douchebag."
"You know what really grinds my gears? You, America! Fuck you!" Diane?
From "Eight Simple Rules For Buying My Teenage Daughter" when Meg tells Lois she could be having a life on Saturday night:
Lois: "Meg, if you don't want to babysit anymore, that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me."
Peter: "OH-HO Meg, she torched your ass man! She torched your ass!"
From the same episode:
Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors?
Mort: Peter, are you eating those?
Peter: No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em!
Also,
Stewie: (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend) Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!
It's a bad joke on Meg but still:
Meg: Please go out with me. I'm just trying to make Neil jealous. I promise I'll pay and everything.
Boy: Yeah...uhh...that sounds cool but I'm gonna be in the hospital that night. (shoots himself in the stomach with a nail gun)
In the episode "The Perfect Castaway", Peter says that he used to be a construction worker in New York, but he never got the catcalling right. Cue to Peter working on a construction site with three other guys while an attractive woman walks by:
"Blind Ambition": Blind!Peter accidentally climbing into Chris's and then Stewie's bed because he thinks they're Lois. Stewie's reaction is the best. "WHAT THE DEUCE?!"
From "Petarded": Peter is a tumor.
In "Jungle Love":
Lady Guinevere: Oh, Arthur, if you can remove this sword from it's stone, and prove that you are the true king of England, I will make love to you in this very field.
Arthur: What if I just move it a little? Will you touch me?
Mickey Rooney's Crazy Pills. One of the few times I've laughed so hard that I teared up. "Hold out your stockings, kids!!"
When the opening sequence from the episode "Whistle While Your Wife Works" went horribly wrong...
Anything involving Buzz Killington.
"So who wants to hear a good story about a bridge?" (everyone Face Palm)s
Peter's new porn hiding place.
Chester Cheetah, the exemplar of cool:
(Chester's run-down apartment, "Tom Sawyer" by Rush is playing; Chester chops up a pile of Cheetos with a razor blade like it was cocaine...and then snorts a line of it.)
Chester: (snort) OHHHHHH THERE IS NO FUCKING DRUMMER IN THE WORLD GREATER THAN NEAL PEART! (slams his fist into the glass table, shattering it; regards his now glass-strewn hand nonchalantly) It ain't easy being cheezy.
The Opal Ring Crusade.
"He's sitting informally like us! Let's hear what he has to say."
Peter's chick flickSteel Vaginas in "Chick Cancer."
WE GOTTA GET THIS WOMAN TO SURGERY, RIGHT STAT NOW!
Joe's "fake legs" (seemingly ripped from an NES game) in said scene.
And Joe's reaction to the finished movie: "My ass is actually sore. MY ass is actually sore."
When Stewie and Olivia start dating. They spend the day together and leave before dark because the area they're in is dangerous at night. We then see a lion and a robot fight each other.
The WizShout-Out with a large number of black people randomly dancing in the streets after Mayor West sends the entire police department to Colombia to "rescue" an actress that was there fifteen years ago.
From the same episode, of which the A plot is Meg falling in love with Brian whilst his attempts to reject her just don't get through to her. One of the ways he tries to get out of a relationship with her is pretending he's homosexual.
Brian: "I saw this penis on the internet the other day, and I thought to myself; 'Well that's...that's just fine.'"
Later in the same scene:
Brian: "I have plans with Chris. We're gonna do...uh...what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon."
When Stewie says that Brian selling Rupert was more horrible than sex with Sharon Stone. Cut to Sharon with some guy in bed, then her devouring his head like a female praying mantis post-mating.
Stewie: "Shut up, okay? Just shut up and let me fuckin' think!"
Stewie drives for a few seconds, then stops*
Stewie: "Push her out!"
Random Guy #2: "We can't leave her alone!"
Stewie: "PUSH THE BITCH OUT!"
After Francis died, Peter buried him in a pet cemetery and he inexplicably burst out of the ground, prompting Peter to beat him with his shovel.
It makes perfect sense if you've heard of Pet Sematary.
The time Peter got stuck behind Robert Loggia at the airport.
After Peter smokes crack (which he bought from a white guy selling it at Black's Hardware Store) to keep from drinking: "Gubment came and took my baaaaaaaaaby!"
Stewie delving into the tanning lifestyle. He goes into a tanning bed, tasking Brian to wake him up in fifteen minutes. Brian falls asleep on the couch. For six-and-a-half hours. When he wakes Stewie up, he's roughly the same color as his overalls and can't move without inflicting extreme agony upon himself.
Immediately after he gets out of the tanning bed, he asks Brian to put some lotion on him. As Mr. Furley from Three's Company walks in, and from his point of view, Stewie's kneeling at Brian's feet with white stuff sprayed on his face...
The "movie" Stewie's tan friend wrote that is basically Brokeback Mountain from the point of view of the horses. The horse's reaction to what he saw in the tent...
"Wocka wocka wocka. Who wants to hear a funny ass joke?" That is all.
What happens when you date a hot girl with bad laugh? Well...
Peter eats half of a fudgesicle in one bite, and proceeds to cry out in agony until his head EXPLODES!
The guys talking about their work on Lois's campaign.
Peter: Boy, you guys, I really appreciate all the help you've given us. Expect for you, Quagmire, you ain't done nothing.
Quagmire: What the hell are you talkin' about? Lois is gonna get the entire female vote because of me. I've been having sex with every woman in town nonstop for the past two days. If I tried to masturbate right now, you know what would come out? A little flag with the word "bang" on it.
In "Meet the Quagmires," after Brian's rendition of "Never Gonna Give You Up", it cuts to a shot of the audience, standing still and gaping. After a few seconds, we hear a random person say, "I didn't like any of that." It's just the way he says it that makes it so funny.
One episode has Peter blowing a raspberry every time Meg's name is mentioned, prompting Chris to then repeat Meg's name over and over again until Lois tells him to stop. At the end of the episode, he does so again, but actually farts on the last mention of Meg. "Uh-oh...Pardon me."
After Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland share their fears about the proctologist, Joe says: "You guys are a bunch of queers." And rolls away. And comes back and says, "AND SO AM I!"
Peter's Oh Crap reaction and how he hides in a tree from Lois after he beats up Kyle in a rage.
"Saving Private Brian": Peter trying to cover the sounds of his farts by coughing at a meeting.
In "Hell Comes To Quahog" Meg says she's going to get a job to pay for a car and Chris tells her he'll pay her a dollar a day to smell his sneakers. His repeated laughing and the family's bored reactions to this are hilarious.
Ten Speed Guy: It's rectal cancer, it's slowly eating away at my lower insides, uh, it's quick process, both painful and untreatable, and it's a great way to stay in shape.
The entirety of the episode where Brian has a son.
Specifically, there's something strangely funny when Brian's potential date said that magic is sexy. But the real laughs came when Peter, for no reason at all, dressed as Count Dracula with a big groin:
Brian: Peter, that costume doesn't make any sense.
Peter(defensively): Don't stifle my creativity!
"My Pot! Your Pot?"
"Anna took a dump on me!"
Peter's identity is stolen by James Woods, so Peter steals his and gets revenge by ruining his career. He does so by announcing "his" new comedy, September 11th: Two Thousand FUN.
Peter (posing as James Woods): "I play a window washer who has just finished washing the last window of the World Trade Center. And whaddya think I see comin'? A plane. And I go, 'Come on!' I-it's real old style comedy, you know? It's like two pies in the face...and one in a field in Pennsylvania."
Leading to a Brick Joke later, after the time machine.
Brian: Where are we?
Cow: Shazoo!
Stewie: Looks like we're in Europe.
The part in "Baby Not On Board" with the tropical birds. "My tropical bird collection, just in case." "Just in case WHAT? We're not gonna need a dozen tropical birds." "Oh, I was not aware that you could see the future, Lois. Can I go ahead and get tomorrow's lottery number? Stupid woman."
The ending of "The Man With Two Brians". You can seeNew Brian slowly pressing Stewie's Berserk Button hard enough to break the console. The cut to the aftermath is purely supplementary by the end of it.
Peter must repeat the third grade in the episode "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing" and, as such, must attend show and tell. One girl shows the class her Malibu Barbie doll.
Peter: "Oh, my god. Who the hell cares?
Season Eight
"The Road To The Multiverse". Disney-esque Family Guy. That is all.
Peter looks like Doc!
...Up until theend of that sequence. Everything up to that was bloody hilarious, though.
Stewie: "So, how does it feel to be on a majornetwork for thirty seconds?"
Chris: "Fuck you!"
Made all the funnier when you realize who voices who.
When Brian and Stewie are a real baby and a real dog.
When Quagmire thought he was getting the spin-off.
"See ya later, bitches! With your stupid fuckin' Giant Chicken jokes and your Conway Twitty -- Hey, why's there a moving truck outside Cleveland's house?"
The sequence where Quagmire discovers internet porn. It was good for a twofer: first, there's the scene in the bar where you realize Quagmire, the pervert extraordinaire, has no idea that porn can be found on the internet. Then the scene later on where Peter sees him again after a long time...and he's got an absolutely massive right arm.
Left arm, actually. Making it cannon, I guess, that Quagmire is left-handed.
From the same episode, Peter, Joe, and Quagmire go to a strip club to make Quagmire feel better about giving his daughter away. Quagmire leaves and Peter and Joe deal with a teacher stripper ... who really gets into her work.
The London Gentlemen's Club. Basically, imagine three guys just sitting around reading newspapers, communicating entirely in throat-clearing for about a full minute.
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." *flatline* "Aw, he dead." And in the same episode:
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He cool."
*Carter spazzing out and machine vocalizing* "GHOST DAD!"
In "Big Man on Hippocampus", Stewie's answers, while Lois is playing Fast Money round on Family Feud, especially his fourth answer.
Richard Dawson: Name something you sit in.
Lois: A chair.
Stewie: My own feces.
Dawson: Name a popular fruit.
Lois: Orange.
Stewie: Clay Aiken.
Dawson: Something in your closet.
Lois: Shoes.
Stewie: Scary monsters.
Dawson: Your favorite holiday.
Lois: Christmas.
Stewie: 9/11.
Dawson: Something you do on the weekends.
Lois: Go to church.
Stewie: Black guys.
"It may interest movie buffs that Peter O'Toole's name is a slang for penis".
"Dial Meg for Murder"'s Take That at "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven", especially the Goofy part. "Be careful Brian. Not all dogs go to heaven."
Terri Schiavo! Is kind of alive-oh! Seriously, some may have thought it was going a bit TOO far, but I think that the beginning bit automatically swings this around so many times that it's the funniest moment BY FAR of Season 8 as of now.
I laughed because I was thinking the same exact thing as Chris and Brian started to ponder whether this was too soon or too late.
"April in Quahog" also gets a Running Gag joke. Peter does crystal meth TWICE, and so does Brian at the end.
Peter:I am SO fucking ready! *jumps through Stewie's ceiling*
Stewie: When you jumped through my ceiling you let in an owl. I know they're supposed to be wise, but all it did was shriek and throw up half-digested mice.
From the same episode, Adam West making an angry letter to the black hole before donning a fishbowl helmet and jetpack, flying into space and punching the Orion constellation. It then turns into the Orion Pictures logo.
Adam West: That's right! You're nothing but a failed production company!
Peter thinks the world is ending, so he decides to go to a black neighborhood and shout out the N-word. The next scene has Lois in the kitchen when Peter walks up with crown, ermine cape, scepter, and a sash reading "King of the Black People".
Also noteworthy is Brian and Stewie's panicked, disgusting screaming immediately upon the discovery as to why he was puking. He did a transgender woman. Not just ANY transgender woman: Quagmire's dad.
The Getting Crap Past the Radar scene from the Adult Swim/probably DVD version of the beginning of that episode, in which multiple puns are made upon the fact that the french word for seal, "phoque," sounds a lot like a certain English profanity. Spoiler alert: "fuck." Watch it here.
Dack: I feel like I could take on the whole empire myself.
Luke (Chris): Really? 'Cause that would be awesome. Hey, everyone, Dack says he's got this one!
Dack: You know it, bitches! [flies off to face the incoming fleet of Star Destroyers] Hey, Imperial fleet, get ready to suck some Dack! [gets shot down afterwards]
From the same episode, Babs's ex-boyfriend "Rodginald".
Carter: Get away from my wife, you rascal!
Rodginald: Such language in the presence of a lady! If it's a row you want, I will cleave you in twixt!
Peter: Hang on Carter, I think I know how to take this guy down. (to Rodginald) Penis.
Rodginald: Aaaaaaaah! <Faints>
Peter making his poor father-in-law invite everyone to his house to watch The Big Bang Theory.
Just about every scene with House, made even funnier because Hugh Laurie is playing the character. The literal version of him not playing by the rules, reviving the Road House gag, and him speaking in Laurie's natural, upper-class British accent after his Scooby-Doo Hoax is exposed.
Peter: "I need that money for bourbon and anime!"
Peter during cutaway: I don't understand any of this. Everyone in Japan is either a ten-year old girl or a monster!
Brian and Stewie failing their first Christmas delivery as Santa Claus in "Road to the North Pole".
The AIDS joke itself was much more clever then one would have expected from a show like this:
Mayor West: Oh by the way I should tell you I've got aids.
Carol: What!?
Mayor West: yeah, they're right over there waiting for me!
Aid: Ready to go when you are, sir!
Mayor West: Poor guys, they both have AIDS.
"I heard all of that, and I just want to say this family is fucking disintegrating."
Three words: Muppet style sight seeing.
From the same episode, calling the music video for David Bowie and Mick Jagger's "Dancing In The Street" gay, then playing the entirety of it. It catching a lot of flack for being pointless, but it definitely turns the video into total Narm.
Pre-wheelchair Joe performing the original American Dad intro.
From "Brothers & Sisters", there's Peter's flashback to - since he didn't have a brother or sister - having a "broster" in his past.
Broster:"Hey, Peter, wanna see my paginis?"
Peter:"I, uh, I...I don't know."
Season Ten
The Black Woman V.S. The Italian Man from "Seahorse Seashell Party".
Italian Man: Hey, you can't park there!
Black Woman: Excuse me?
Narrator: Sensing confrontation, the black woman prepares by removing all her rings. Meanwhile, the italian man makes sure that all the other italian men, can see what's happening. A flock of Jews, sensing danger, take flight and flee, as it is their only chance of survival.
"IT'S NOT A LIQUID! IT'S A GREAT MANY PIECES OF SOLID MATTER, THAT FORM A HARD FLOOR-LIKE SURFACE!"
Tons of Mood Whiplash here. After the most heartbreaking scene in the episode, we see Peter looking through the door's peephole and seeing Quagmire distorted in the glass with a sad face. When we see Quagmire, he face really was distorted like that from lack of sleep hearing the abuse going on in his house.
Getting a straight answer from a 23-year old girl.
Soliciting a rooster.
Man: I don't know what this "cock-a-doodle-doo" thing is, but it sounds gay and it sound scatalogical. I'm in.
Rooster: You're about to have a neat day.
Heck, the only thing funny about this episode were the cutaways.
Peter's Mexican fart.
Mexican...ghost...thing that came out of Peter's ass: "CON CUIDADO, ES EL STIIIIINKO!" *fires guns into the air, causing everyone to run away screaming*
Stewie crashing the car.
Too many parts in "Back to the Pilot" to list.
The dozens of alternate Brians and Stewies. That is all.
Peter: Chris, I heard you got a D on your report card. Here's a cutaway. (Cut to Peter standing against a blank white background.) Matthew McConaughey is terrible.
"Pebble in my shoe, pebble in my shoe, pebble in my shoe."
Frogmire. That is all.
Frogmire: Ribbity.
YE SUCK
Peter taking one bite out of a rice cake and reacting violently to it.
Peter trying to resist the urge of a delicious pie and warding off the cliched hand-like motion of the hot steam. So the steam tries to rape him!And it's making Quagmire watch!
Sitting behind a giraffe at a ball game.
The Vacation-style credits. The final one had me laughing my ass off! Chris was churning that butter pretty hard.
Stewie's Incredibly Lame Pun when the family winds up in Amish country. As well as Brian's reaction to it.
Peter trying to reason with Meg's Amish boyfriend's dad. Eventually the dad agrees to let them see each other, but then Peter breaks out a radio in order to 'teach them about rock and roll.' The song on the radio that Peter sings along to at the top of his lungs? Highway to Hell.
"This food is so fucking good Lois." "Oh, okay. Wow."
The girls dressing Brian in a bee suit.
Followed by Lois telling them to do Stewie, leading to this hilarious and badass line.
Stewie: Alright, I guess this is the night bitches die.
He says this while spinning the barrel of a revolver.
When the Southern cop who spots some (obviously planted) drugs in the guys' trunk...
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