Hellboy (2004 film)/Funny

Comics

• "Don't mess with me lady, I've been drinking with skeletons!" and Goodbye, Mister Tod.
• "Wait. Are you pissed that you didn't get to inherit the SLUG HOUSE?"
• Hellboy eating "pamcakes" gave us this sequence as three demons come to the realization of what has occurred:

"It is the boy... He has eaten the pancake." "He will never come back to us now." "Truly...this is our blackest hour."

• The following scene from "Box Full of Evil". It Makes Sense in Context, but it does not change how it's hilarious.

Abe Sapien: Is that a monkey? Hellboy: He's got a gun! BANG! BANG!

• Then there's the moment in "Wake the Devil" where Hellboy is fitted with the B.P.R.D.'s latest jetpack, assured that it's "new and improved," and then thrown out of a plane before he has a chance to argue. He subsequently clicks the button to activate the jetpack... and keeps clicking it as he falls, with zero results, until the final click, which causes the jetpack to explode.

Hellboy: New and improved, my ass.

• From "The Iron Prometheus":

Lobster Johnson: Mr. Sacks, does that thing fly? Jim Sacks: (Looks at him like he's an idiot) No.

• "Now God has a tree in his neck." from Almost Colossus.

Films

Hellboy

• "I hate those comic books. They never get the eyes right."
• Hellboy gets run over by a train, and the axles keep hitting his horn stubs. By the time the train is gone, the stubs are red-hot. And then he scorches his hand on them.
• Hellboy. Payphone. "IT'S FOR YOU!!" (SMASH!)
  • In the same fight

Hellboy: Uh uh, second date, NO TONGUE!" *grabs demon's tongue hurls and uses it to smash demon through a wall*

• "Heh, heh. Nachos."
• The whole scene on the rooftop when Hellboy stalks Liz and Myers, snarking every occasion he gets, only to freeze because Liz took Myers' picture.
  • He then proceeds to mutter this to himself repeatedly, apparently trying to give himself the determination to make the jump to the next building. He jumps, hangs in the air for a second, and then goes "Oh, crap!" as he realizes he's coming up short.
  • "...and you're nine. You shouldn't be giving me advice."
• "What's a good, strong word for 'need'?" "Well, 'need' is a good, strong word." "Too needy."
• Myers: I am not pure of heart! Abe: (interrupting) Yes you are.
• Myers hands Hellboy a grenade belt. His response: "I didn't get you anything".

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

• The fight between Hellboy and Dr. Krauss.
  • Also:

Hellboy: Look, Kraut... Krauss: That's KRAUSS! With a double S! Hellboy: "SS"... riiighhhtt.

• Another contender: "Can't Smile Without You". Without a doubt the greatest duet ever put to film, you're not even sure what you're supposed to do when they start singing in a Hellboy movie. Laugh? Cry? Run away? What?
  • Which the flick eventually elevates to "cool" status by re-including it in the credits, providing a sort of punchline for the movie itself.
• Manning slowly losing his mind.
• Hellboy punches out a goblin for trying to eat cats, the thing is that the goblin is currently disguised as an old lady and he knocks her right out of her orthopedic shoes.
• The part where Manning is complaining about Hellboy being photographed, and the first few we see are the usual grainy "what is that red thing in the distance?" shots... then Manning goes, "He posed for this one!" holding up a photo with Hellboy giving a thumbs up and a goofy grin. And then he walks off muttering "God, I hate YouTube."
• "I'm not a baby, I'm a tumor."
• The part where, no thanks to Krauss's extra-thick accent, his pronunciation of "focus" made it sound like a dirty word.
• Liz, trying to negotiate passage:

Liz: I have a shiny belt! Goblin: I have no pants. (Entire lower half is missing) Liz: I have a set of magic eyes! Goblin: I already have binoculars.

• Liz informing Hellboy that she's pregnant with twins. The look in his eyes just sells it.