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Thank you for purchasing Karma Houdini Consequence Insurance, the top provider of fictional comeuppance dissuasion!
While you get to enjoy complete freedom from the vicious retribution of Karma, related phenomena and even your own mistakes, be advised that the Karma Houdini Warranty has guidelines of minimum safety which must be followed or risk voiding the Client's coverage.
The warranty is null and void if and when:
- The Client willingly accepts that the actions from which they have thus far been immune from consequence are, in fact, wrong. Knowing they are wrong is not a breach of contract, but acknowledging it and feeling regret is. Further, the Warranty will immediately terminate if they take steps to change for the better.
- Clients who are also enrolled in the Audience Sympathy Protection Plan will also lose this policy if the Warranty is breached in this manner, since the audience is usually torn between smug pleasure that the client got their comeuppance, and a sense of injustice that it happened at exactly the wrong time.
- The Client opposes or is opposed by another Client who has taken Refuge in Audacity, has a greater Jerkass credit rating, and/or bribed Karma Houdini Consequence Insurance to void the first Client's Warranty. Clients who are lovable rapscallions who only do minor misdeeds or unctous Smug Snakes are especially at risk of voiding their warranty in this manner; we advise you have a backup plan.
- The Client develops Cerebus Syndrome or Karma Houdini Consequence Insurance's president has a breakdown.[1]
- The Client moves to Nebraska.
Once lost, Clients can expect hangers on, Love Interests and even faithful family to turn on them like ravenous dogs out for blood. There will be No Sympathy once the Warranty is lost. In fact, Karma may get vindictive and make even minor blemishes be seriously punished afterwards, while good deeds are belittled. So! After reviewing these simple guidelines, make sure to please follow them or risk heavenly wrath on your own.
- ↑ (No Refunds in either case)