Making Love in All the Wrong Places

"I'll be honest with you: I don't think they'll let us have sex inside George Washington's nose at Mount Rushmore. But it's a very evocative image."

I swear, I was just checking her for breast cancer...

Traditionally, most people tend to have sex in bed. It's comfy, you're usually already undressed and you can go straight to sleep afterward. Chairs and sofas are also popular, they're soft and comfy and have the bonus that the person on top can put more of their weight on the frame. However, some people, for a multitude of different reasons, like to venture further afield for their intimate moments. All over the house, in front of the house, on top of the house, someone else's house, in a warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse or doghouse, in the pool, planes, trains and automobiles, hotels, motels, restaurants, movie theaters, in elevators, in bathrooms, in basements, in attics, at the beach, in the sea, up a tree, in the middle of a field, in the middle of the road, in the middle of the Superbowl Halftime show, even In Space! (God will kill a kitten if anyone edits this paragraph to quote Green Eggs and Ham). Even with Green Eggs and Ham!

... with a goat, on a boat, in the rain, on a train...

Maybe they think that the old bed is too boring, maybe they don't have a convenient bed and have to do it where they can, maybe they're just so eager to get started that they get down to business wherever they find themselves. Maybe it's their way of getting back to nature. Of course one of the other advantages of bedrooms that might not be afforded by alternative locations is privacy, but that's OK. It could be the thrill of the risk of getting caught that makes it special. Or maybe it's not just the risk, maybe they like being watched. Then again, maybe they just didn't think things through and end up as Naked People Trapped Outside. And sexy teens having sex in the back of their car are known to attract hook-handed serial killers.

Obviously Truth in Television for the most part, so please refrain from noting "people do this in real life!" unless you're providing a particularly famous or notable example. Your own adventurous exploits don't count.

Here are some reasons not to do it absolutely anywhere.

It's a very common trope so once a section has enough examples it might be worth spinning off as a subtrope.

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Subtropes include:

• Auto Erotica
• Elevator Going Down
• Mile-High Club
• Professionals Do It on Desks
• Two-Person Pool Party
• Zero-G Spot

Examples of Making Love in All the Wrong Places include:

Fooling Around The House

• In Love Actually widower Daniel tells his son that he plans to do this if he meets the right woman:

Daniel: Unless, of course, Claudia Schiffer calls, in which case I want you out of the house straight away, you wee motherless mongrel. Sam: Oh? Daniel: No, no, we'll want to have sex in every room. Including yours.

• Music example: Poe in "Not A Virgin" sings about having sex in a variety of places, including "underneath the table in [her] living room."
  • And, of course, Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon. On the bed, on the floor, on the towel, by the door, in the tub, in a car, up against the minibar...
• Another Music Example: There's implied kitchen sex in Warrant's "Cherry Pie"
• Literature example: Lux in The Virgin Suicides sneaks people onto her roof for sexy fun times, to the fascination of the narrators.
• Pool/snooker tables seem rather popular, either for the large flat surface or just the opportunity for "balls" jokes and phallic imagery.
  • In the Friends episode "The One with the Flashback", when Ross is distraught over finding out that his wife is a lesbian, he almost ends up having sex with Phoebe on a pool table. However, the moment is ruined because of the location ("Stupid balls are in the way.")
  • Finch and Stifler's Mom in American Pie.
  • Seen in the opening credits of True Blood
  • Famously done in The Last Picture Show.
• In Splash, Allen tells to Madison: "You were shy? After the car, and the elevator, and the bedroom, and on top of the refrigerator, you were shy?"
• In Little Children, two characters have sex on a countertop in a basement.
• In the That 70s Show episode, "Misty Mountain Hop", Donna and Eric have sex on the Forman's kitchen table, but get caught by Eric's parents and the rest of the gang.
• In A History of Violence, Tom and his wife, Edie have sex on a stairway.
• A scene in Stripes where, after a few seconds of a seemingly empty bedroom, the chest at the foot of the bed opens and Bill Murray's character and his new MP girlfriend climb out. 'Nuff said.
• In Murder at 1600, the victim has sex with the President's son in the Oval Office shortly before getting murdered. Later on, it is mentioned that the President's son seems to be trying to get laid in every single room in the White House.
• In Fatal Instinct, the title character and his later stalker have sex in quite a few places in her house - including the inside of her refrigerator.
• Bathtubs, particularly the large Whirlpool variety.
  • Parodied in an episode of The Simpsons, where Homer and Marge try this as a means of rekindling their love life but discover the tub is barely big enough for both of them to squeeze into, let alone get into an intimate position.
• This is the subject of a joke in which a child overhears his father telling his mother in the kitchen "I'm gonna eat this pussy". The kid misiinterprets it and takes his cat to school.
• In an episode of Scrubs, when Keith is moving in with Elliot, they have box sex, where they're having some form of coital activity with each other in different moving boxes.
• Live Action TV Example: On CSI: NY, Danny and Lindsay have sex on top of Danny's pool table.
• Subverted in My Family except they kept finding reasons not to have sex in certain rooms and did it in their bedroom instead.
• In the movie Prime Rafi tells her therapist "we have had sex on every surface of my apartment."
• In Stripes, John Winger and his MP girlfriend manage to do it inside the storage trunk at the foot of the master bed in a general's house she is guarding.
• Chuck and Sarah have apparently used multiple storage rooms and other facilities in Castle for decidedly non-spy activities.

Sex In The City

• Public Bathrooms
  • Truth in Television: Numerous celebrities, most famously George Michael, have been caught engaging in "cottaging", or meeting up with gay men for sex in public bathrooms.
    • Some Gay Bars could charge rates for their handicap stalls.
  • The song "The Bagman's Gambit" by The Decemberists, about a man who falls in love with a con woman:

And I recall that fall / I was working for the government / and in a bathroom stall off the National Mall / how we kissed so sweetly / how could I refuse a favor or two?

• • • The lyrics don't specify whether the singer's paramour is male or female. It would be somewhat easier for them to meet in a bathroom stall if they were the same sex.
  • In The Cook the Thief His Wife And Her Lover, the aforementioned Lover and the aforementioned Wife have sex in the ladies' room of the Thief's restaurant ...among many, many other places.
  • Briefly mentioned in Digital Underground's "The Humpty Dance" - "I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom".
  • In the first episode of Coupling, Steve and Jane have sex for the last time in a bathroom stall.
• A common thing in Hentai anime and manga: couples going at it inside an automatic photo-taking booth, which will naturally end up taking pictures of their fun time inside it.
  • In The Sims 2: Nightlife, there is a photo booth that your sims can have Woohoo in. If they are in public, they will draw an audience.
• In the Friends episode "The One with the Blackout", the characters discuss the weirdest place where they had sex. For Monica, it's a pool table, for Joey, "the the women's room on the second floor of the New York City public library", and for Ross, Disneyland, near the "It's a Small World" ride. (Phoebe's is Milwaukee)
  • In the episode "The One with Ross's Library Book", Ross finds out that students have sex the corner of the university's library where his book is placed, because nobody goes there.
  • In the episode "The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS", Chandler and Monica have sex in the storage closet in Central Perk.
  • When Joey was on Pyramid an answer was cafeteria, the clue he gave was a place in school he had sex, his partner said the football field. He was right, but it wasn't what they were looking for.
  • When Rachel was having Emma, Monica and Chandler snuck into the hospital's broom closet. They then get caught by Monica's father and explain that they're actually trying to conceive. He is actually thrilled by this and starts giving them pointers. But they weren't there anymore!
• Woody Allen's Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex has a segment on frigidity played as a mock Italian movie where Woody and his wife find she can only enjoy sex in public places. They manage to live with it.
• In one episode of Hearts Afire, the protagonist couple has to have a moment in a department store dressing room because they're entertaining too many houseguests at home for them to have any alone-time.
  • They also made love in their boss's office. He promptly walked in on them, followed closely by C-Span cameramen.
• The Sono Hanabira ni Kuchizuke wo series involves the Girls Love couples having lots of sex on school property. The most popular spots are the nurse's office, the classroom, and the school gardens. It's truly amazing that no one gets caught.
• In an erotic comic by Horacio Altuna, a young couple has no place to go, so they have sex on various public places, such as an art gallery, a book shop or a phone booth. When they eventually rent an apartment and get married, the guy is unable to perform in a bed, and they have to go out again.
• In the film adaptation of Kick-Ass, Dave and Katie have sex in an alley.
• Geier of Orderly Chaos supposedly has a thing for sex on rooftops.
• It'd be harder to come up with a list of out-of-the-way corners where people haven't had sex in the casino on Las Vegas.
• At the close of In the Next Room, or the Vibrator Play, Dr. Givings and Catherine disrobe and do it on the street in the snow.
• In Kuso Miso Technique the two main characters have sex in a public bathroom.
• Spike and Anya have sex on the table in the Magic Box shop in season 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer...and get caught on camera doing it.
• Bones' Sweets and Daisy. "We have to stop having sex in my office."
  • And Jack and Angela liked to do it in Cleopatra's bed in the Egyptian room.
• In The Prince And Me the university students have sex behind the library stacks.

Love On The Move

• One episode of CSI featured a woman who preferred bungee-jumping-sex. More than once, with more than one partner within the episode.
  • Sara indicates joining the "mile high club" in another episode.
• In Out Cold, when Majors prepares to take ownership of the resort in a ceremony attended by his investors, he unveils a mock-up of one of the new gondolas, wherein he finds Pig Pen having sex with his step-daughter Inga.
• In one episode of NCIS, the team was talking about where they had their respective first times. The Hot Amazon Badass Israeli Lady of War mentions:

Ziva: "My first time was in the back of a weapons carrier." McGee and Abby: "Of course it was."

• Nanny Ogg of Discworld was once asked (by Casanunda; see below) if anyone had ever had sex while flying on a broomstick. She warned him that he'd fall off if he tried it, which rather implies she's speaking from experience...
• Haley and Elan of Order of the Stick once had sex on the back of a giant purple worm. (She implies that its phallic shape turned her on.)
• In one Preacher (Comic Book) flashback, we see Jesse and Tulip having sex in the middle of a car chase.

Sex Au Naturel

• Sex on the beach
  • Reality Is Unrealistic: Unless you enjoy getting sand in awkward (and painful) places.
  • Most famously used (and then endlessly parodied) in From Here to Eternity
  • Appears in the film Three (also known as Survival Island) which is mainly remembered for showing Kelly Brook topless.
  • Also mentioned in Katy Perry's song "California Gurls", with a (probably) unintentional Last-Second Word Swap: "Sex on the beach/We don't mind sand in our stilettos".
• Sex in the Park
  • Jonathan Coulton's love anthem "First Of May" is all about this:

Ooh ooh child, I'll bring a blanket and I promise I will brush the ants off. Ooh ooh child, you're gonna like it when we're taking each other's pants off,

• • Tsubaki's bad end H-scene with Kyousuke in G Senjou no Maou occurs at night in the park.
• Sex on a Golf Course
  • Coitus Ensues between Daisy and Onslow in Keeping Up Appearances, preventing Onslow from being the monster in Hyacinth's Monster Protection Racket.
  • Red Dwarf: at one point Lister claims to have done this, in a sand trap (see the linked Cracked article for why this is a bad idea). Rimmer's response included asking if Lister was a club member, and if he raked the trap afterward.
  • The Simpsons: Bart was concieved inside the windmill on a miniature golf course.
• Casanunda, the Discworld's self-proclaimed Second Greatest Lover, reportedly once had sex while upside-down in a tree.
• In season 8 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Oz and Bayarmaa have sex in the grass under a tree next to a Buddhists monastery. A yak lying near them decides to wander off.
• Played for laughs on The Golden Girls with a variation of the 'sex in the car' routine. Dorothy and Stan get mistaken twice for teenagers.
• In the Elf Quest In Space comic Jink! the title character has sex with a complete stranger who's been sent to find her - in the branches of a tree, in an arboretum, in a space station.
  • Of course, as a descendant of Wolfriders, doing it in a tree probably comes naturally to her.
• Robert Burns' poem, "Rigs O'Barley" is about a narrator having sex with a girl on a barley field.

Miscellaneous

• In Cemetery Man, Augusto's widow convinces the gravekeeper Francesco to bang her on top of Augusto's grave. This place turns out to be even worse than you'd imagine when Zombie Augusto appears on the scene.
• In one episode of The Nanny, Yetta mentions to C.C. (thinking she was talking to Maggie) that Fran and Maxwell had walked in on C.C. and Niles "doing the horizontal horror." C.C. responds with "Where? Kitchen? Closet? Stairway? Limo? Wal-Mart?" She later calls Niles and it's implied that she plans on doing it in an aluminum shed at Home Depot.
• The Simpsons episode "Natural Born Kissers" has Marge and Homer finding that the fear of getting caught in flagrante delicto ads spark to their sex life. That leads to them doing it in (among other places) a hay loft and a miniature golf course. (which turns out to be the same course Bart was conceived on).
• Near the end of Watchmen, Dan and Laurie have sex in what can best be described as the massive atrium of a supervillian's lair.
• For a few episodes in Gossip Girl when Blair and Chuck are having a Friends with Benefits relationship (well, enemies with benefits, anyway) they have sex on a piano, in a limo, and in a vestibule.
• Sex in a Confessional is a reoccurring theme that cropped up in several fanfics.
  • And on South Park.
  • "I just lost my virginity in a confessional!".
• In the Neverwinter Nights mod The Bastard of Kosigan, precisely one sex scene involves a bed. Most of the rest involve tables, walls, and on one occasion a tree.
  • Likewise with A Dance With Rogues, though in this case there are rather more and the floor is used more frequently.
• In James M. Cain's novel, Serenade, the two main characters have sex in a church after they're Caught in the Rain.
• In Vassalord, Charley and Rayflo have their kinky blood-sucking sessions in a variety of odd places including a prison cell, an airplane bathroom, and the back room of a church.
• Especially kinky (high-school?) students get it on in all sorts of places in school:
  • That thumping sound in the sports equipment room may not just be poorly-arranged equipment falling on the padded mats there.
  • The really daring do it on the roof under the open sky.
    • Chihiro and Reiji are as far as it can get from daring, though.
  • When the school hall is unused, there's a measure of privacy amongst the curtains.
  • If your school has a band or choir room, people have sex in it. That's right. The marching band kids get more action than you.
  • Some like to go to the prop closet, since it's dark and somewhat secluded, that or greenrooms/locker rooms.
  • Sufficiently large libraries are have plenty of secluded nooks and crannies for "studying biology".
    • Debbie Does Dallas may be the Ur Example of this variant.
    • in a poll taking in 1992 (which was then suppressed for years), 20% of the responding librarians admitted to having done this.
    • In Strawberry Panic, the school library is used by many couples to have romantic trysts.
    • The highest public floor in a certain library in western Massachusetts is infamous for this, to the point of having regular patrols to shoo out couples.
  • With all the incidental nudity, locker rooms are a natural choice. Often, the students even sneak in a member of the opposite sex.
  • Multi-day school trips and high school students. If there is a couple in class, something's more likely than not to happen.
• In Castle, Richard Castle and his ex-wife Meredith spend a post-coital moment blissfully recounting their top-ten sexual encounters. Among the locales listed are Yankee Stadium, the Westminster Dog Show, Coney Island and a hot-air balloon.
• Everyone in My Immortal. All the time. One notable scene takes place in a classroom while class is in session.
• In Ciem 2, Candi was letting Donte get a little in the bed, on the counter top, in a cornfield, etc. In her diary, she even lampshaded how weird her impulses could get; with a strong implication that the cornfield was wet, and she got mud on her back and tush before getting dressed again. She even states that she was even more weirded-out that nobody questioned where she and Donte disappeared to for a whole hour.
  • She punishes herself for it later by reading Guilty by Ann Coulter, and focusing on chapter 2 which condemns Hollywood for worshiping the image of single moms.
• After Tim gets a vasectomy in Home Improvement, sex can be done anytime, anywhere. At the end of the episode, they choose a location they haven't done in a while: The bedroom.
• Jenny and Kyle from Juvenile Diversion have a list of places.
• Mass Effect 2: Shepard and Miranda have sex in the Normandy's Engineering Room.
  • The reasoning behind it, is that this is to avoid the Illusive Man's monitoring devices... But the Fandom just likes to say that it's because she's an exhibitionist; despite the fact that the room has windows, none of them actually overlook this area.
    • Or it could be because Miranda's two potential romance rivals (Kelly doesn't count) are both stationed on the engineering deck. She's kind of like that.
    • If you have the Kasumi DLC, at least one person notices. (No points for guessing who.)
• And yes, it has been done with green eggs and ham.
• The subject of the rap song "What's Your Fantasy?" by Ludacris
• Family Guy: Peter and Lois' father have kidnapped her to stop her modeling career. Peter has a change of heart, coldcocks Mr. Pewterschmidt, and he and Lois have make-up sex ON her father..."like they used to."
• One Norwegian film called "Brent av frost" had two characters having sex on a mound of fish. The actress involved recently sued the Norwegian Broadcasting Corporation, NRK, for showing the scene "out of context", in violation of a written agreement of hers with the director of the film.
• Clarissa Dickson Wright--yes, of Two Fat Ladies fame--was, before she became a TV cook, the youngest barrister in England. A very depressed youngest barrister in England, who had just lost her mother, and then her father. Taking up the bottle, she proceeded to have numerous affairs--including one with an MP, which, she claims, was consummated behind the Speaker's Chair.
• The point of "The Fuckers", a recurring act on the British competitive comedy and/or hidden camera show Balls of Steel, whose act is to make out naked in public places.
• According to Word of God, Melody Pond of Doctor Who was conceived on a bunk bed ladder.
  • It was stated on Doctor Who that Melody Pond was conceived on a bunk bed. When people asked head writer Steven Moffat and episode writer Mark Gatiss on whether it was the top or bottom bunk, they independently suggested it could have been the ladder. When they found about this, they agreed that they had just confirmed it.
• In the Married... with Children episode "The Egg and I", Marcy's ex-husband, Steve comes back to "reclaim" her, and gets into an argument with her current husband, Jefferson about which one of them is the better lover. They bring up places where they had sex with her, such as the kitchen, the front yard, a Dairy Queen, and a homeless person's shopping cart.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy and Spike in Season 6 have sex on the walls and floor (because they've smashed up all the furniture), in a back alley outside Buffy's workplace, on the lawn of her house with Dawn waiting inside and on an interior balcony of the Bronze with her friends dancing below — behaviour which causes Buffy to feel both excitement and self-loathing. A more Played for Laughs version of this trope is when it's revealed in an earlier episode that Joyce and Giles (under magical influence) had sex on the hood of a police car.
  • TWICE!
• In How to Make It in America Ben and Nancy have sex in a yacht, which is hosting her husband Yosi's birthday party. Then later its implied they do it in her office (on a couch), which has no door, only a curtain.
• Apparently broom/supply closets are a place where it has been done at work.
• Invoked in Ethan of Athos, in which the bad guys plan to make it look like Ethan and Elli were having sex in a docking bay airlock, shortly before it opens to space:

Ethan: God the Father, the Population Council will think I was depraved enough to make love to a woman in a flex tube! Elli: Gods forbid that Admiral Naismith would think I was stupid enough to make love to anything in a flex tube!

• On the soap opera Port Charles, two characters take a break from work to sneak up to the roof and have sex. Later, another character and her boyfriend have sex in a bathroom, but find themselves stranded without any clothes. When her friend teases her about this, the other woman states, "Listen to her. Dr. "I Did It On The Roof" is giving me the "holier-than-thou" routine."
• Stables are very popular love-making locale on soaps. In true Hollywood-style, unlike in Real Life, said stables are not dirty, cold, or smelly in the least, and neither are those convenient blankets that appear out of nowhere.
• In Katawa Shoujo, the second sex scene between Hisao and Shizune takes place in the Student Council room at night.
  • Shizune seems prone to this. She and Hisao didn't do it, but she wanted to have sex on the school rooftop. Also, while not as severe as other cases, it isn't a good idea to have sex at home (even if said home seems to be a Big Fancy House) when one partner's parents can just barge in at any moment.
  • The second scene for Emi takes place in a school area, and it's implied she and Hisao did do it on the rooftop.
• In Naruto Veangance Revelaitons, Ronan and his girlfriends not only have sex in various public places, but do so with people watching them. These places include at their wedding, at a ball, in a store and even in the middle of battle.
• Parodied in a Mad Magazine parody of Bonnie and Clyde ("Balmy and Clod"), where she repeatedly tries to insist on doing this trope in extremely inconvenient locations (like a Car Chase), which he of course refuses to do, only to culminate in what he calls the worst place of all, which turns out to be a bed. It kind of makes sense if you've seen the movie.
• In Lupin III the Secret of Twilight Gemini, the titular character and Fujiko Mine have sex twice. The second one happens in a police station's file room. And they get away with it.