Sister Wulfia Focka

"Why are the pages stuck together?" - Wulfia

Sister Wulfia Focka was an ongoing pornographic Web Comic by Sébastien Fréchette, better known as Sirkowski- creator of the Miss Dynamite web series. It can still be found on Slipshine. The titular character is an innocent (to begin with) German nun who gets into all sorts of naughty misadventures across Medieval Europe, later heading south to The Holy Land towards the end of volume one and later north to Scandinavia in volume two. Early on in her journey she meets, fights and befriends a pagan priestess named Lylitu Bat Samael. When the two aren't knocking boots, they're meeting (and sleeping with) a colorful cast of Medieval Morons.

As of January 2011 the comic went on hiatus while Sirkowski embarked on a new project, a Spiritual Successor to his Starship Titus series.

Likely unsuitable for the general public. And party-poopers.

Sister Wulfia Focka provides examples of:

• Action Girl: Wulfia and Lyl, though it varies wildly from arc to arc.
• Art Evolution: The comic noticeably improved in visual quality over the course of its run, with cleaner lines, softer shading and fewer deliberately Off-Model joke panels.
• Anything That Moves: Lyl. And I do mean anything. Wulfia gets in on this later.
• Babies Make Everything Better: No. No they don't.
• Baby Got Back: Wulfia and Lyl, the French Sister Superior... there's no shortage of tush here.
• Back From the Dead: The Hochmeister's hanging didn't quite stick- he returns in Volume 3, and eventually becomes a powerful lich.
• Beast and Beauty: A rare female-female example. Wulfia believes with all her heart that she can help Lyl change her ways. It works, to an extent.
• Beware the Nice Ones: Uttered verbatim by Helga Koch when Wulfia offers to "dispose" of her attractive Slavic prisoners.
• Bilingual Bonus: Bits of French, German and Latin appear here and there. Often involves Foreign Cuss Words.
• Big Breasts, Big Deal: Wulfia very briefly exhibits Type 1 when Lyl points out her generous bust size.
  • "It's not my fault the lord endowed me this way!"
• Big Screwed-Up Family: In the Holy War arc at the end of Volume 1. Seriously.
• Bi the Way: The question of Wulfia's bisexuality is never raised. It simply, is. Lyl comes off more as a Depraved Bisexual. How anyone else swings is never focused on either.
• Big Bad Duumvirate: In Volume 3, the now-undead Hochmeister briefly aligns himself with the Witch of Endor. This quickly breaks down into an Enemy Civil War however.
• Bondage Is Bad: Helga Koch.
• Burn the Witch!: Lyl is is nearly burned at the stake in Volume 1, Part 7. Wulfia comes to her rescue. Followed immediately by Rescue Sex.
• The Cameo: In the epilogue to Volume 1, Wulfia and Lyl meet Eva Sirkowski and Blackie Chin from Miss Dynamite. Take a wild guess what happens.
• Cat Fight: Between Wulfia and Lyl just prior to the latter's Heel Face Turn. It gets rough, and includes a Breast Attack.
• Chainmail Bikini: Lyl wears one during the battle at Volkhov.
• Christianity Is Catholic: Justified, this takes place waaaay before the schism.
• Clothing Damage: Frequent. Naturally, Magic Pants is averted.
• Coitus Uninterruptus: Early in Volume 3, Wulfia and Lyl find themselves fleeing from headless Mongols on horseback. They were of course otherwise occupied at the time, and continue to do so, though Lyl does at least partly lampshade the absurdity of the situation.
  • "Did you seriously just come?"
• Cosplay: Early in Volume 2 the girls find a trunk full of "strange clothes", including Eva and Blackie's outfits. Also included are Wonder Woman, Power Girl, a Hooters outfit and Peach's dress.
• Hermaphrodite: Lyl can switch between either set of equipment, but she can't always control it. and she uses it for all it's worth. In the arc where they meet Lyl's mother, Lyl takes advantage of her mother's magic to massively increase in size and start causing havoc. In response, Lyl's mother casts a spell on Wulfia that does the same, but gives her a... well, you can probably guess.
• Dark Chick: Helga Koch from volume two, a Torture Technician. Attempting to use her own methods against her just turns her on.
• Defeat Means Friendship: The first arc has Wulfia prevent Lyl from using the prince of Osterland in some kind of evil ritual. Her interference leaves Lyl stuck in an obvious demon form, prompting Wulfia, out of her good nun heart, to set out to help Lyl turn human again.
• Deal with the Devil: Old scratch himself offers Wulfia one near the end of Volume 3, even whispering exactly what it will cost her into her ear. She accepts.
• Dem Bones: Wulfia is captured by a skeletal Lost Roman Legion in part 4 of Volume 3. She attempts to, uh, remind them of earthly pleasures in order to get released- it doesn't work, but it does cause them to question the motivations of the Hochmeister.
• Dirty Old Monk: Actually averted. It's the novices who are up to naughtiness.Their abbot is not amused when he discovers them conducting an "exorcism" on Lyl in Volume 1, Part 5.
• Disguised in Drag: Early in Volume 2, Lyl meets a male demon hiding out as a Jewish woman. She doesn't find out until after she's already jumped his bones. Does she care? Nope.
• Divine Date: The very first thing we see Wulfia do, after praying, is have sex with an angel. It's also one of the last things she does before the comic ended. She loves to love, and spends comparatively little of the comic overall angsting about it.
• Easily Forgiven: Lyl, by Wulfia.
  • "You might be a pagan, but even the devil is a creature of the Lord!"
• Eternal Sexual Freedom: Usually in full force, except where it would be funny for it not to be.
• Ethical Slut: Wulfia is largely this from Volume 2 onward, in contrast to her earlier quasi-innocence. As far as she's concerned, she gives of herself freely in the service of the Lord. For example, during the crusade arc she brings release to a wounded soldier who cannot do so himself.
• Everybody Has Lots of Sex: It takes very, very little to get Lyl and eventually Wulfia to get busy with anyone they come across. And almost nobody objects, save the Witch Hunter who Lyl jumped, the former not knowing she was in demon form. He then refuses Wulfia's advances, which in his estimation would further muddy his spiritual status.
• Evil Is Sexy: Lyl whenever she's misbehaving. Also Helga Koch.
• Form-Fitting Wardrobe: Wulfia's habit- and well, a lot of other outfits too, especially Lyl's default torn-up scraps look. Their crusader getups later on are also this.
• Girl-On-Girl Is Hot: Because, well, Most Writers Are Male.
• "Glad to Be Alive" Sex: After being separated for the entirety of the crusade arc, Lyl tackle-hugs Wulfia and runs off with her to the nearest tent.
• Guile Hero: Wulfia begins to exhibit shades of this later on, preferring to find unique ways to use her status as a Nun to solve problems. And when that doesn't work, she usually just screws someone- more often then not, it works.
• Heel Face Turn: Lyl, in the first arc, however reluctantly. This shows what with her repeated lapses in judgment that make up many arcs. Thankfully, Wulfia has the patience of a saint.
• Horny Devils: Lyl. And how.
• Hot Dad: Wulfia. Er, A Hermetic Priestess Did It.
• Hot Mom: Lyl's mother, Na'amah Bat Lamech. Lyl herself, later on.
• The Immodest Orgasm: Frequent.
• Important Haircut: Wulfia, near the end of Volume 1. Lyl also does so prior to the Crusade arc in an attempt to disguise herself.
• Innocent Fanservice Girl: As far as nuns go, Wulfia is remarkably comfortable with being totally nude. The first time it happens, does she complain about having her habit torn off? No. She complains about Lyl making fun of her hair.
• Interspecies Romance: Lyl and Wulfia's antics cross many boundaries. Among their daliances include demons, angels, a vampire, harpies, an imp, and a kaiju-sized tentacle monster.
• Kiss Of The Vampire: Attempted in Volume 3 by an unnamed Dracula lookalike on Wulfia, but quickly avoided by some creative use of blessings.
• Let's Get Dangerous: At one point Helga Koch invites Wulfia up to her private chambers, thinking her darker then she really is. When she rejects Wulfia, Wulfia considers what Lyl would do in this situation, prompting her to get tough.
  • "You Bavarian cunt!"
• Let's Wait a While: Wulfia, at least initially. As she discovers, Good People Have Good Sex.
• Loveable Sex Maniac: Lyl, though she stretches the lovable part often.
• Masquerade: An exceedingly thin one involving Wulfia's continued attempts to hide Lyl's demonic curse. She hides the ears and horns under a headwrap that doesn't even hide the shape of the horns.. The red skin? Uh, it's a skin condition. Perhaps due to Rule of Funny, this works.
• Making Love in All the Wrong Places: This being the sort of comic it is, said places are just about anywhere, including in the middle of a crowd, while on horseback with arrows whizzing past, during the apocalypse, and in mid air. That last one happens more then once.
• Mission From God: Wulfia is ostensibly always on one of these, what with trying to be a nun and all. More specifically in the first arc, she's tasked by a well-endowed angel with preventing the prince of Osterland from being converted to paganism. At the conclusion of volume 2 the angel mentions he'll be back with another mission before too long.
• Mode Lock: Lyl is trapped in demon form for much of the comic. She's bright red, has white hair, horns, Pointy Ears and Cute Little Fangs.
• Naughty Nuns: Wulfia gets laid. A lot. Even before this was a regular thing, she had a disposition towards foreplay that would be considered randy today. Special mention goes to a convent of French lesbian nuns the duo encounters.
• No Accounting for Taste: Lyl swings wildly between Jerkass and Magnificent Bastard early on. You may find yourself wondering what Wulfia sees in her.
• No Name Given: Wulfia and Lyl's son.
• No Pregger Sex: Averted. It's fairly tame compared to some of the other goings-on...
• Offing the Offspring: At the conclusion of Volume 1, Wulfia realizes her mistake in helping Lyl and their son conquer the Vatican. She tries to stop them. Their son threatens to kill her, prompting Lyl to kill him out of love for her.
• Our Angels Are Different: And rather, er, generously equipped. And big fans of Wulfia. Such big fans in fact, that they almost make Wulfia forget what she wanted to ask them.
• Parental Incest: Prominent in the Holy War arc.
• Plot With Porn: There have been at least three major plot arcs since the comic began, with several related sub-arcs and just a smidge of Filler.
• Redemption Equals Sex: "Redemption" is putting it mildly, but Lyl does get a lot more action from Wulfia after giving up her dreams of conquest.
• Red Right Hand: Or your whole body, in Lyl's case.
• Rip Tailoring: Lyl's default outfit in much of Volume 1 is made up of bits torn off of Wulfia's habit.
• Rule of Sexy: Runs on it.
• Sex Equals Love: As far as Lyl's concerned. Wulfia sees a lot more into it of course.
• Sex Face Turn: Lyl's addicted to Wulfia, who knows this and uses it to bring her back around whenever she starts misbehaving.
• Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny: Completely averted. The most Wulfia ever worries about is being a Technical Virgin and maybe waiting to have vaginal sex with Lyl until they were married. But all of that kind of went out the door after having sex with her son.
  • To wit, her only opposition to Lyl's suggestion of going out and finding a nice guy to blow was being too shy.
• Shameless Fanservice Girl: Lyl, later on. Initially, she's mildly bothered by her nakedness.
• Shout-Out: To Pac Man, of all things. Near the end of Volume 2's first arc, Wulfia is visited by a ghost in the night. In the next panel, Pinky asks Clyde why he didn't come home the previous night. There's also the more expected references to The Divine Comedy and Biblical lore, including from the Hebrew one.

• Skinny Dipping: Found in Part 11. A Muslim woman happens upon Wulfia and Lyl while they are doing so. Hilarity Ensues, involving a Fantastic Drug and Three-Way Sex. In the morning, she rides off thinking it was All Just a Dream but wondering why her butt hurts.
• Sophisticated As Hell: A witch hunter in Volume 1, Part 6 greets Lyl with:
  • "Forgive me damsel, but I appear to be lost in these dark woods and cannot see shit!"
• Status Quo Is God: Possibly. Since the end of Volume 1, No mention has been made of the fact that Lyl and her son murdered the entire Vatican, including the Pope.
• Spit Take: Wulfia does this a few times. The first is with Lyl, as she "tastes evil"- though that's later avoided as part of their ongoing Relationship Upgrades. Wulfia soon picks up Ly's affinity for protein.
• Spit Trail Kiss: A few. And sometimes it's not spit.
• Stylistic Suck: In the opening to Volume 2, Lyl gets bored of transcribing Christian texts for Wulfia and proceeds to draw a crude comic summarizing the major events of volume 1, which we are shown in all its scribbley glory.
• STD Immunity: The topic has yet to arise.
• The Pornomancer: Wulfia, due to Naughty Nuns, and Lyl, due to Horny Devils. Lyl is even a pornomancer in-universe due to her magics, her mother even more so.
• The Power of Love: Wulfia helps Lyl realize just how much she cares about her at the end of Volume 1.
• The Reveal: Sort of. The first time we see Wulfia without her nun's habit, it's revealed she has a short, butch haircut.
  • "Why don't you try wearing a hood over long hair? It gets real hot..."
• Think Unsexy Thoughts: Uttered verbatim in a Thought Bubble by Lyl in an effort to hide her special equipment from the Muslim woman in Vol. 1 part 11.

• Technical Virgin: Wulfia, for most of Volume 1. This would have been averted in the first few pages, but apparently having sex with an angel didn't break Wulfia's hymen.
  • Then she's seduced by her son. Er, maybe earlier then that, if you count the fact that she was the father.
• Their First Time: It's a stretch to hell and back, but arguably, when Wulfia and Lyl consummate their marriage at the end of Volume 1. Setting aside Wulfia's status as a Technical Virgin, they'd already done it other other way around and had a child.
• They Do: Wulfia and Lyl marry at the end of Volume 1, following Lyl's Love Epiphany. Naturally, they become Insatiable Newlyweds.
• Thirteen Is Unlucky: Used in the first arc. Had Lyl been able to get the prince of Osterland off thirteen times, her ritual would have finished. Wulfia demonstrates her connection to the heavens to prevent this from occurring.
• Three-Way Sex: On several occasions, with both Wulfia, Lyl and numerous other characters.
• Those Wacky Nazis: Volume 2 features a bunch of ill-tempered Eisensteinian Teutonic Knights, led by a brutal and callous Hochmeister... and, well, the guy's cloak brooches are tilted swastikas. To further the comparison, when he introduces Helga Koch, she greets him with a Nazi salute and "Jawohl, mein Hochmeister!"
• Tomboy and Girly Girl: Take a guess which is which.
• Too Kinky to Torture: Helga Koch, and to a lesser extent, Lyl- a punitive slap on the ass from Wulfia does not have the intended effect.
• Twincest: Involving two nuns in Volume 2's first arc, much to Lyl's viewing pleasure.
• Vapor Wear: Wulfia's default outfit consists of thigh-high boots, long gloves and her skimpily-cut, form-fitting habit that bares her hips to all the world. And nothing else. To say nothing of Lyl's outfit... see Rip Tailoring above. She eventually trades this in for her own matching habit. To be fair, she spends half the comic not wearing anything at all.
• Vitriolic Best Buds: Wulfia and Lyl, until the end of Volume 1.
• Wacky Marriage Proposal: At the end of Volume 1, Wulfia dons the still-bloody robes of the Pope, declaring herself the new Pope and asks Lyl to marry her. She accepts.
• The War Sequence: A brief one following the escape of the Slavic prisoners. Lyl leads an army of Slavs to meet the Hochmeister's crusaders at the frozen river Volkhov. The battle goes poorly for the Slavs, but they turn around and make a bunch of trees fall onto the ice, cracking it and sending much of the crusader army into the frigid waters below. Only the Hochmeister himself escapes.
  • A larger one unfolds over the course of Volume 3, involving a civil war between the forces of the Witch of Endor and the Hochmeister.
• Witch Hunt: One occurs near the end of Volume 2. It doesn't last long though- once the "witch hunters" catch up with our heroines, it's discovered that the Hochmeister is the real Jerkass, and they hang him for his crimes. Still, the girls have caused enough trouble that the french nuns, er, punish them.
• World of Buxom: Good luck finding any women in this comic lacking in the chest department, but hey. Wulfia is actually on the reasonable side, but early on her bust is lampshaded by Lyl.
• You Need To Get Laid: Said verbatim to Wulfia by Lyl very early on. It's safe to say she took the advice.