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Tessa Altman (Jane Levy)[]

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"Pretty ironic that a box full of rubbers landed me in a town full of plastic"
—Tessa about the Condomgate, the incident that consisted in her father finding condoms in her room, causing them to move out.
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Tessa is the daughter of an urban architect forced to move out of her beloved New York for a time, because her father fears it will corrupt her and put her in danger. He decides to live a standard American Dream in the suburbs, but it turns out he has watched too much Gossip Girl and not enough of Desperate Housewives: as Tessa immediately sensed it, helped by her anger and natural tendency to sarcasm, this place is not perfect for her. Like every principled new TV series's character in a corrupt new environment, Tessa will try to change things... Suburbians sometimes have taken it sometimes rather well, sometimes rather bad, and sometimes a bit too bad (there is only one notable example of things going a bit too well).

George Altman (Jeremy Sisto)[]

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 "Yes, I'm a dad, but I am also... a dude"

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Sheila Shay (Ana Gasteyer)[]

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"I don't hit them because it's fun, although it is. I hit them so that the whole garden shine"
—Sheila talking about the weak flowers in her garden.
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Comes close from being considered as a Stalker Without a Crush by George.


Dallas Royce (Cheryl Hines)[]

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"Get this driver's license or die trying... Maybe it's a bad advice..."
—Dallas, to her daughter.
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Lisa Shay (Allie Grant)[]

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"Can I excuse myself for I'm having a terrible time ?"
—Lisa trying to leave dinner.
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Dalia Royce (Carly Chaikin)[]

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Mr Wolfe (Rex Lee)[]

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"Tessa : But Ryan is just so...

Dalia : Listen, Tessa. When people see me, they think I am North Corean. But what they don't see is that I am also South Korean."
—Tessa about her new boyfriend and Mr Wolfe about something completely else, apparently.
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Noah Werner (Alan Tudyk)[]

Fred Shay[]