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  • In a contest, in exchange for getting every Bethesda game free for life, a person who was due to have a child on 11/11/11 (Skyrim's release date) would have to name their child Dovahkiin. The disclaimer is as goes:

 "Any reward for completing this quest will not ultimately justify the potential teasing your child could — and probably will — endure over its lifespan. Bethesda Softworks is not responsible for your parenting. You may gain experience points for completing this quest, but you will not care at 3am on a work night. Completion of this quest may also result in decreased desire to play video games and/or function as a human being. Consult with your friends before embarking on this quest; while it may not start in prison, it probably ends there."


 What's that, Cluckles? Timmy's in the well?

  • On the mission to join the Dark Brotherhood, you'll be given the mission from a child, who asks you to kill an cruel old woman who runs an orphanage. Do it and the children will find out. They will cheer.
      • After doing the above mission, stick around and listen to the children talk. Cue one orphan: "Kill one person and you solve so many things! I wonder at the possibilities..." Feels good to know you're providing for the future of the Dark Brotherhood with such lovable little psychopaths.
    • One of the just-for-money side quests you do for the Brotherhood has you killing an Orc Bard, Lurbuk, also known as "The Worst Bard in Tamriel". Your quest giver tells you they got so many requests to kill him they held a lottery to determine which contract to honor.
    • Should you spare Cicero, he'll eventually wait outside of the Dawnstar sanctuary for you and, upon seeing you, will mock you for your mercy and tell you that he should be the Listener in a gleeful voice more poisonous than his knives. He laughs maniacally and then... tells that he's just messin' with you and he'll be downstairs chillin' if you need him.
    • One Dark Brotherhood quest has the player impersonating a master chef... by channelling a very Large Ham and (potentially) a Cordon Bleugh Chef.


    • Potential ingredients include a sweetroll, Vampire Dust, a Giant's Toe and a Septim gold coin. The amusing thing about this is you can decline to add the poisoned herb and serve the signature stew to "the Emperor" and the other guest nobles to see their reactions...and it's every bit as good as they thought it'd be!
    • Alternatively in keeping with a Dark Brotherhood conversation gimmick, you can successfully maintain your guise as the master chef by remaining completely silent throughout the cooking process and the assistant chef will take it as a test without suspicion.
    • Pretty much anything said by the members of the Dark Brotherhood when you first meet them, such as Babette retelling how she killed her last mark (who was apparently a pedophile) or her comment on Arnbjorn's contract on a Khajiit Monk.

 A big doggie chasing after a little kitten. How cute.

  • One of the very first things you see in the game, when you arrive in Helgen the horse who pulled your cart clips its head through a stone wall during its idle movements once it stops. Yup, this is definitely a Bethesda game.
  • Some of the Mondegreens for the Draconic chanting are hilarious:

 Use a soul pendulum, don't be fooled, no one knows.

A moose tunnel will pay the popcorn.

And then Sean Penn who'll in will buy a ruby cross.

Nobody, nobody, for the sake of Stalin

What a night, no hope, when they rob us blind.

Have no hope of god, when something blows up.

Nobody, found him, mobile random fly!

  • At the end of Bethesda's first Skyrim Podcast, concept artist Adam Adamowicz talks about an idea he suggested for an "Elf Grinder" trap:

 Adamowicz: It's kind of like a Cuisinart or a disposal in a sink, specifically for grinding up elves into a fine, purple, glittery powder. 'Cause they deserve it.

  • Dragon Shouts are amazing. Video Game Cruelty Potential at its finest.
    • Really, anything you can do with Fus Ro Dah is hilarious. (Warning: Lydia abuse).
    • Mehrunes Dagon has a nice sense of humor after getting over that whole banished from Mundus business. He laughs merrily as he sicks two Dremora on you for completing his quest. I laughed back by Fus Ro Dah'ing them off the side of the cliff. Took me a good two minutes to find how far down the bodies flew. Good times.
    • In Oblivion, you heard the phrase until you were sick to death of it. Now, it is your turn.
  • Giants can knock the player a good 5,000 feet into the air. Other characters, too. Nothing like standing at a safe distance to watch a bunch of idiot bandits disappear, one by one, into the clouds...
    • Now with sound effects.
    • This troper witnessed his follower (who happened to be Marcurio at the time) get clubbed by a giant we were fighting (it was the target of a bounty given to us by an inkeeper), but rather than being sent skyward, he got blown backwards about a hundred yards in a flash (as in FUS RO DAH style, only much faster), until he ended up at the opposite shore of a nearby lake. I nearly doubled over after seeing him gingerly get up at his eventual location after I killed the giant.
  • Sanguine's quest. It starts off with a drinking contest. Next thing you know, you wake up in a temple on the other side of the map having trashed the place while ranting about marriage and a goat, according to the priest yelling at you. You must retrace your steps from there (after cleaning the temple), likely causing more mayhem along the way. This troper ended up getting caught in a (technically unrelated) prison break and city riot; while not part of Sanguine's quest, I wouldn't have ended up in that city otherwise, so it played out as if it were part of the ride.
    • This troper started partway through and decided he didn't want to do the quest, only to walk home and have my wife angry about loaning me a wedding ring on credit and giving me directions to where I was supposed to be getting married and this is all part of the quest.
    • This troper had an interesting encounter after completing the quest. The final portion of the quest involves going to a fort called Morvunskar, where you fight your way through some wizards and enter Sanguine's realm. Well, sometime after completing the quest the Companions sent me to Morvunskar to clear out more wizards, I enter the fort and hear the sound of combat downstairs; I get there to find the wizards I'm supposed to kill locked in battle with Sanguine himself! Needless to say I sat back and let the Prince of Hedonism do my job for me.
    • This troper's experience with the quest took on really weird twists. First of all, I met Sam Gueyenne (Sanguine's alter ego) in the Silver-Blood inn at Markath, which is also the exact same city as the temple you will wake up in. Meaning my character did the drinking contest, then wandered off all the way to Whiterun to begin the debauchery then worked his way back to Markath to trash the temple there. The other twist? Dragons got thrown in the mix. One was present where the giant with the goat was, hence the giant and the dragon duked it out while I brought the goat back to its owner (the dragon simply flew off after killing the giant, ignoring me), and another showed up at Moria's location, again to play interferance, thus she and the dragon duked it out until she was killed, and then I finished off the dragon when it turned on me.
      • That is nothing, my character met up with Sanguine in Windhelm, wandered drunkenly to Whiterun to get a ring, went to the woods near Kynesgrove, then stumbled all the way over to Markarth to trash a temple all while having his WIFE as the follower character (meaning that she watched her husband do all of this). Needless to say, the look on Aela The Huntress' face(the wife character for my Dragonborn character) while the priest at the temple is telling about weddings and goats made the whole thing even funnier, as did when Aela finally met and decapitated the fiancee that the Dovahkin wanted to commit Bigamy with.
    • Oh, and the player's fiancee? a Haagraven.
  • During the quest where the player has to track down Esbern to his hideout in Riften's sewers. After the player finds him and convinces him that they are a friend of a friend, he unlocks the door he was speaking behind. It takes about ten different locks before the door opens, and after looking inside the player can see each one (and about three or four sturdy chains keeping the door shut).
  • After you beat Alduin, if you go back to Delphine, she lampshades you riding off to the final battle on the back of a dragon who just turned traitor.

 Delphine: I heard you left Whiterun on the back of a dragon; even for you, that's a bit flashy.

  • Once you get a high enough enchantment skill, the guards with start asking if you could enchant their swords.
    • If you practice your alchemy, they'll ask you for an ale. Kinda got it backwards, there, dude.
    • If you get a high enough conjuration skill, guards will ask you if you could conjure a warm bed for them.
  • A random encounter involves a thief ambushing you and demanding that you hand over all of your money. One of your possible responses is to just tell the thief that you "don't have time for this" and walk away. The thief will still attack you, but his astonished shout of "Hey...don't you walk away from me!" because you blew off his mugging attempt is simply hilarious.
    • If part of the Guild you can yell at him for tring to rob a fellow member he more or less goes "...sorry..."
  • In a dungeon, you find a hidey hole for a rogue Conjurer. You find his skeletal remains sitting in a chair, with a draugr axe embedded at the head spot for the chair, and an opened and empty Draugr casket on the wall behind the chair.
    • The thing is, there's a lightning rune on the only entrance. That unfortunate conjurer was very thorough in making sure the threats stayed outside the room...
  • In Riften, you can completely BS your way through a conversation about magic experiments with Wylandriah, the castle's mage. The best part? The nonsense you pull out of your ass will actually help her.
    • Or it would, anyway, if she didn't forget by the end of the conversation just what problem she'd been trying to solve.
    • Similarly, when joining the Bard's College in Solitude, your first quest is to find King Olaf's Verse in order to convince the Jarl to allow them to continue burning an effigy of Olaf during a festival. However, once you find the Verse, half of it is smudged and impossible to read. So you and the headmaster decide to pull the other half of the verse out of your ass, making for a spectacularly weird poem. And guess what?! It manages to convince the Jarl to allow the festival to continue! And as an added bonus, if during the process of fixing the poem you choose the option that includes "(Persuade)", which would usually be the most BS option, you'll improve your Speech skill in the process.
  • In "The Fallen," when you actually catch Odahviing in Dragonsreach and don't immediately agree to let him go so he can take you to the final dungeon. Farengar, the court wizard, will come out and try to take "samples" from Odahviing. Cue him spewing fire into the sky in rage and Farengar running like a dog with his tail between his legs back into the palace. You can watch the whole thing here.
    • For me, this is the line that got me.

 Irileth: Bad idea, Farengar, even for you.

    • In the same quest, after you Shout for Odahviing, there is a moment of tense silence before the sound of flapping wings can be heard. A guard standing on the porch murmurs "Did you hear that?" It takes about two seconds for him to literally vanish from the frame - Odahviing swoops down and snatches him out of his shield. The sheer suddenness makes it absolutely hilarious.
      • It gets worse. If this happens and you are able to keep your sights on Odahviing long enough, you'll see that he snatched the guard not to eat him, but rather to fling him into the air.
      • If you're very, very lucky and have perfect timing, you can speak to the guard before he gets snatched, and he'll spout one of the standard-issue guard lines. One of them can be the "I used to be an adventurer like you...." line, but Odahviing will snatch him up before he finishes.
  • Brelyna Maryon from the College of Winterhold will ask the Dragonborn to help her practice some new spells she's been working on. In the process she accidentally ends up tinting the viewpoint green and transforming the player into various farm animals before figuring out how to revert everything to normal. Afterwards she thanks the Dragonborn for their patience and both agree never to speak of the experience again.
    • Similarly, you can help J'zargo test some scrolls: a variant of Flame Cloak that causes undead to explode. When you return to him, one of the dialogue options is, "Were they supposed to explode? Because they exploded." Doubles as a reference to Fallout 3.
  • Sheogorath's dialogue in his Daedric Quest.

 Do you mind? I'm doing the fishstick! It's a very delicate state of mind!

Now, you're asking yourself, can I use my swords and sneaking and spells and all that? Sure, sure...or you could use the Wabbajack![1]

By whom [were you asked to talk to me]? Wait! Don't tell me! I want to guess! Was it Molag? No, no - little Tim, the toymaker's son? The ghost of King Lysandus? Or was it - yes! Stanley, the talking grapefruit from Passwall!

    • When preparing to go back to his realm, he goes through a checklist of everything he needs.

 Clothes, check. Beard, check. where did I leave my luggage? (Said luggage is the quest-giver.)

    • Sheogorath's monologue that hints that he may very well have been your character from Oblivion:

 ...Apart from that Martin fellow, but he turned into a dragon god and that's hardly sporting. You know, I was there for that whole sordid affair. Butterflies (the room where you first meet Haskill), blood (Blood of the Daedra/Divines), a Fox (The Grey Fox), a severed head (Dark Brotherhood quest), and the CHEESE!! To die for. (What the old Sheogorath used to talk about.)

    • And ol' Pelly is impatient and long-suffering through the whole conversation because he just wants to get back to decapitating people.

 Sheogorath: Oh, Pelagius, what would the people do without you? Laugh? Sing? Smile? (giggles) Grow old?

  • Thanks the power granted by Wreaking Havok, you can do all manner of silly things, like stripping corpses and piling them on top of one another, putting buckets on people's heads, or propping Jarl Ulfric's corpse on his throne and crowning him with an iron pot.
    • With really good timing, you can kill an enemy who's rushing towards you, as they're swinging their sword, an they'll go head over heels past you. If there's a wall behind you, they can end up leaning against the wall, upside down.
  • Ladies and gentlemen, courtesy of the distinguished Peptuck, author of Tiberium Wars, Graveyard Shift and Renegade, I give you...THIS. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
  • Spoken by a random bandit while attacking you, if you are playing as a Khajiit:

 "You remind me of my cousin's cat. I killed that, too!"

  • At any point in the game when you're fighting a Bandit/Forsworn/mob that is capable of human speech, and they start taunting you with something like "Is that all you got?" while in mid-sentence you already killed them in a single blow. Bonus points if you did an execution animation or your horse takes the kill.
  • You can decapitate people only for them to shout NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME HERE! as their head flies off.
    • The Enemy Chatter doesn't stop while performing finishing moves, leading to instances were that necromancer will say "It's Probably Nothing..." while you've already grabbed him and are in mid-backstab or that female bandit yells "I'm going to enjoy this!" as you... um, plunge your sword into her.
    • Or, if in werewolf mode, a finishing move is rather lengthy. This troper heard quite a few "I'm not afraid of YOU!"s while mauling random civilians.
  • During Malacath's quest, You have to clear out a cave for a lazy Orc so that he can kill a giant that's occupying Malacath's shrine. Once you get to the shrine, the Orc tries to bribe you to kill the giant for him, too. You can accept the bribe, or tell him to do it himself. He replies "Fine. This should only take a second." If you do the latter, watch as he flies through the air due to the aforementioned giant's hammer glitch. Best of all, Malacath's dialogue afterwards indicates that he heartily approves of this.
  • With console commands and a little creativity, the possibilities are endless. Case in point.
  • There are numerous phrases NPCs can spout if they see a fight going on, some of which linger in Deadpan Snarker territory, if somewhat unintentionally at times. In one game, this provided a CMoF for a Thalmor guard:

 Guard: (watching a dragon fighting a bear) My money's on the big one.

  • After one of the civil war quests, I found Hadvar, and when I passed by, he had this to say:

 Hadvar: Dragonborn, huh? So, was it your ma or your pa that was the dragon?

    • Obviously according to the Notes on Racial Phylogeny book, it was the pa since children of multiracial families are more akin in race to their mother.
  • How to ride a horse
  • Narfi, that beggar in Ivarstead, is supposed to be a harmless loon. If you complete the quest to learn about his sister's whereabouts, he'll give you three random alchemy ingredients. The randomness will sometimes fly in the face of his harmless reputation…

 Player: Let's see. Human heart. Daedra heart. Briar Heart. Everything a harmless beggar could possibly acquire with ease.

  • This thread fill at the slowly growing Skyrim Kink Meme is a crack-version of the Jerkass Gods trying to figure out which one of them gets the Dragonborn's soul. Needless to say, Hilarity Ensues.
  • When you first go visit the Greybeards, there is a frost troll blocking your way. Why kill him yourself when you can let four old men beat him up to a pulp?
  • Right before you exit the Labyrinthian dungeon with the Staff of Magnus, a lone Thalmor mage tries to kill you to prevent you from interfering with Ancano. He arrogantly boasts that you have no chance of beating him. This, after you fought through a dungeon full of draughr, skeletons, a skeletal dragon, and a dragon priest. It took me two seconds to kill him.
    • To be fair, he probably thought you would be tired out. Too bad for him you can regenerate health (and magicka).
    • This troper was in that scenario and assumed it would be an epic fight, so I played safe and froze the poor slob with an Ice Form shout as soon as the fight started, then proceeded to beat the snot out of him while he was frozen (which only took a couple of seconds before he was dead). The kicker though was that his body ended up sticking through a wall after it was over (with the unfortunate side effect that his corpse could not be looted).
    • He also seems to not consider the possibility that you're doing the mage quests even though you've spent 90% of the game thus far mastering the art of two-handed weaponry, as I had. To be fair, though, watching the stupid elf finish his boast while a few feet off the ground (and with a few feet of Orcish steel going right through his chest) before being tossed aside like a rag doll was most hilariously satisfying.
  • Bandit Fling!
  • This Troper was playing a stealthy character on the mission where you escort Esbern through the Ratway Warrens. Telling Esbern to wait, I went ahead and began to stealthily kill the Thalmor that were searching for him. The only one left was the Nord informant (I forget his name) who rats out Esbern. After a few minutes of fruitless searching, suddenly I heard a loud noise and a scream. I run back to where I had left Esbern only to find him standing ready to fight, a summoned Frost Atronach that was barely fitting in the confined space and the informant running for dear life down a tunnel screaming his head off.
  • The Soup Spoon of Ysgramor...which is a fork.

 Now, I know what you're thinking - that's not a spoon, it's a fork! No one can eat soup with a fork. Well, my friend, you did not know Ysgramor.

  • Some of the guards' comments depending on what weapon/armor you're wielding are quite humorous. For example, if you're wielding Volendrug

 Guard: (Whistles) a big hammer.

    • or

 Guard: What are you going to do with that thing? Bring a house down?

  • If you get near enough to an NPC, they will usually make a comment. Sometimes random, sometimes not. However, the comment might not change, regardless of circumanstances, leading to things like this gem of a quote from Farkas, the Companion, just after Vilkas and I ran past him.

 Farkas: My brother Vilkas is the talkative one. He's around somewhere.

  • As you near completion of the Forbidden Legend quest to reform the Gauldur Amulet and defeat the archmage's three sons in a Boss Rush, the three prepare their weapons as if to attack you at once...only for the spirit of Gauldur to rise from his coffin behind them, prompting the three of them to turn around and watch as he banishes all of them with a wave of his hand. They don't say a word, but you know they were thinking "Oh Crap".
  • Farkas, the big werewolf guy you're paired up with in the companion quests? According to Skjor he has the strength of Ysgramor? He later tells you he can't go on through the rest of a tomb because there are spiders ahead, and since Dustman's Cairn he's terrified of spiders. This troper found this amusing.
    • Even more amusing: this troper was on that mission when he reached the spider's nesting area before Farkas' dialogue could start. As a result, the spiders began fighting, and Farkas ended up joining in the fight and killing a few of them, even taunting them with the usual warriors' taunts. After all the spiders were dead, only then did he start talking about his fear of them.
  • Take off your armor in front of non-hostile NPCs. Their reactions are hilarious.
    • In a similar moment, this troper decided to play though a little as a nudist khajit thief. Many of the NPC reactions were "you're going to freeze to death," "Put some damn clothes on," and "You're not as attractive as you think you are."
    • This troper gave it a try, and got this reaction from a Redguard: (note this was seconds after taking my armor off in public, rather than prancing around naked the whole day)

 Redguard: Don't forget to put your clothes on next time you leave the house.

    • Here's one that'll crack everyone up: just for kicks this troper tried mining for ores with no armor on whatsoever, while inside the mine at Darkwater Crossing. It was also nighttime, so you'd expect some privacy right? Well one of the NPC's (who also happened to be the only child there) ran by, then stopped for a moment, and simply exclaimed with a shrill voice "Ahh!! You're naked!". And to add to the whole sillyness of it all, I had a nude mod installed for my character as well. And to top things off, just moments later one of the adult NPC's came by, and simply made a very normal remark (i.e. one of his normal dialog lines), and started mining himself, as if to be completely oblivious to my character's complete state of undress (and get this: said adult NPC=male, my unclothed character=Female).
    • In a region of Eastmarch there's a watery area that includes hot springs, and at the south western tip is a camp with a few hunters lounging around with their clothes off in the hot water. The silly part comes if you decide to also take off your armor in their presence - they react to your state of undress the same way as people in a normal town, even if they themselves are undressed.
  • Due to a Good Bad Bug (I think it was a bug), I once saw the Headless Horseman ghost running after his ghost horse. I have no idea how this happened, and I sadly never saw it happen again.
  • The Wabbajack. Turning a guard into a chicken? Quite funny. Turning an guard into a pile of gold? Amusing. Turning a guard into the very sweetroll they often talk about? Pure hilarity. Of course, when it backfires and turns a (relatively) harmless orc into a Dremora warrior, armed to the teeth with weapons and armour, that isn't nearly as funny.
    • Witness the Wabbajack in action here, where it's used to turn an agressive Blood Dragon into a bunny, which then simply hops off.
    • Another effect of the Wabbajack, which happens very rarely, makes Sheogorath himself appear and do a little jig.
  • The first parts of the A Daedra's Best Friend quest, particularly when meeting Barbas the dog, who, to the Dragonborn's surprise, talks telepathically with a yiddish accent (Barbas even calls out on the Dragonborn's surprise by pointing out the existence of dragons and Khajiits, so he (Barbas) shouldn't be too unusual). The Reveal however changes the tone of things a bit.
  • You can play as anything in Skyrim. A Chicken? No problem the village people now idolize you. A horse? Have fun being targeted by anything and everything. A Dragon? The bane of existence sounds funs right? A sweetroll? Yep. All you need to do is use /tc as a console command, and point at the thing in question. Hilarity ensues.
  • One Fetch Quest in Markath has the local alchemist hire you to deliver a Stallion's Potion to the elderly Steward Raerek. When you deliver it to him, the embarassed Raerek thanks you and gives you a 750 gold tip for your discretion.
  • Sometimes, you can come across animals fighting each other. This troper came across a it killed two frostbite spiders. That mudcrab is more fearsome than some followers.
    • This troper thinks he came across the same mudcrab. It watched me fight a dragon... and then waded in, claws a-snapping, and attempted to kill me. It failed.
    • Not sure how a Horker ended up on top of a mountain fighting off 2 Ice Wolves and a Snow Bear but it it was damn hilarious to see. Helped it kill off it's foes and watched the Horker slowly waddle along.
  • Fun with voice acting: during the Dark Brotherhood quest line, I killed Nilsine Shatter-Shield in Windhelm, which causes Tova Shatter-Shield to commit suicide. Now, every time I meet Torbjorn Shatter-Shield in the streets, he, for some reason, says "My favorite drinkin' buddy!" in that nasal beggar voice... and then, when you end conversation, he bids you farewell in his own, much deeper voice by saying: "Please forgive my mood... I'm still coming to terms with the death of my wife and daughters."
  • One of the "Fine Hat" models in the game is a red stocking cap with a furry lining. Wear it with a red coat and give your character a white beard for instant Badass Santa!
  • Don't play LMFAO at an execution. Or this will happen.
  • A free tip for anyone hoping to preserve a sense of gravitas during the climax of the civil war questline - when taking Windhelm, don't use the ol' Fus Ro Dah during the final encounter with Ulfric. It's kinda hard for your opponent to die with dignity when his Famous Last Words are muffled from lying in a crumbled heap face-down on the floor with his ass sticking up in the air.
  • The story behind the Drunken Huntsman in Whiterun.
  • This troper was in the middle of the Thieves Guild questline, about to infiltrate Mercer Frey's home, when I notice a guard drawing his bow. I look around expecting to see a dragon, but instead I see Vald running down the street towards me with his weapon drawn. The guard shot him dead before he reached me.
    • This troper witnessed a similiar event. I knocked down the "emergency escape" ramp with an arrow, which prompted Vald to appear. I went into sneak mode, and he looked around, then gave up. When I stood up, he went agressive again drawing his sword and went outside, opening the gate. A passing guard then drew his sword and the two went head to head, and Vald was cut down and the guard went back to his patrol before I could run over to them.
  • The Skyrim Creation Kit launched, as well as Steam Workshop integration. Valve themselves made a mod for Skyrim. What does it do? SPACE CORE! Wi Iy 4 zy EY

 "Dad, I levelled up"

"That's nice, son."

"Dad, are you dragons?"

"Yes, I am ALL the dragons."

    • And better still, you can craft a unique helmet with it.
      • And that you can find Wheatley floating around the perk constellations.
    • Even the new loading screens that come with it have ridiculous texts. For example:

 Space is the thing you see above Tamriel when you're walking around outside with your head tilted back.

      • and:

 Space Spheres, also known as the Spheriphem, are natives of space, and will cajole adventurers to help them return to that comforting void.

  • At one point of my game, I had both Frost and Shadowmere in my possesion, so they both followed me when I fast-traveled. When I arrived at my destination, they started the "idle" animation at the same time. This resulted in them shaking their heads, pawing the ground, and turning to look at me in uncanny synchronization. It was creepy, but absolutely hilarious.
  • This troper was trying that trick on the main page of having bandits fight over a gem I dropped. I dropped a garnet in front of a doorway with some talking bandits, then backed up into the shadows. A bandit saw the gem, and got up, with his weapon out, picked up the gem. Then walked straight over to me and said "You dropped this. You should be more careful.", then gave the garnet back, then walked away.
  • The level 100 pickpocket perk lets you steal the clothes your target is wearing, leaving them walking around in their underwear completely unaware that anything has happened.
    • If you do this with a foresworn briar-heart's briar heart, the resulting theft makes them drop dead.
      • A bunch of thugs later attacked me; and according to a letter on one of them; they were hired by briar-heart that I stole a briar heart from. (Yes, the one that dropped immediately dead.)
  • Occasionally a courier will get mugged by bandits on his way to deliver you letters, escaping in nothing but his skivvies and a few odd peices of gear. Despite this, he'll still hand you the letters and run off without ever bringing up his lack of clothes, now that's dedication.
    • That's nothing, the courier can nonchalantly deliver you a letter while you're fighting Odahviing on the great porch!
  • There's a mod that allows you to find the Pogo Hammer in Riften, complete with ragdoll physics! What makes it even more hilarious is the stuff you need to improve it at the grinding stone.
  • Unnecessary Censorship in Skyrim. Particularly the last line from Braith: "Boys, girls, dogs, elders, there's nobody I won't #*@!"
  • It can be silly who will send Hired Thugs to "teach you a lesson". This troper had one such thug appear (only one, instead of the usual three) just outside of Whiterun, and simply beat the crap out of him (with a little help from Shadowmere). After looting the poor slob's body and reading his contract, I was just floored to find out he was hired by the Penitus Oculatus of all entities, apparently as a response to my looting the Katariah after killing Emperor Titus Mede II. Perhaps the latter's death meant the group now felt too powerless to act as a formidable military or security force and needed such hired help, and they could only afford one thug?
  • The posh mudcrabs mod, which turns every mudcrab into a Quintessential British Gentleman.
  • The fact that your character's combat statistics display the amount of bunnies they slaughtered.
  • Depending on what is said and when/where it is said, the randomly-generated generic dialogue from NPCs can induce plenty of these. This troper's favorite example: After slaying a dragon attacking Riften, assisted by about 6 or 7 guardsmen, another one (not part of the attack group) walks past me while I was in the process of devouring its soul, it's flaming skeletal corpse in full display..."Gotta keep my eyes open. Damned dragons could swoop down from out of nowhere!" Wow, Rolled a 1 on a Spot check there, did ya?
    • All the guards seem to have pretty short-term memories when it comes to dragon fights. Another example for this Dovahkiin was after a dragon fight outside Morthal, one guard remarked something along the lines of, "For a dragon to attack Kynesgrove [a place halfway across the map]. Is nowhere safe?"
  • This troper was in the Gloombound Mine next to the Narzulbur Orc Hold mining for ebony ores. He then walked up to one of the NPCs (an orc of course) when the said orc said "Be careful!". Suddenly the ground shook, and I fell through a hole that suddenly formed at my feet, down to the next lower level, right in front of another orc who then said something along the lines of "Quit lollygagging, outsider, or get the f*** out of here!". The sillyness of the whole thing just cracked me up.
  • This troper once went on a dragon hunt with his Blades (Erik, Kharjo and Uthgerd the Unbroken). Just after slaying the dragon and looting its corpse, Erik went up to me and said, "Ah, you're back! Are we going on another adventure?" as if slaying a freaking dragon wasn't enough for him.
  • This troper occasionally encounters dead bodies just popping in out of nowhere. Usually Hagravens and bandits. But every once in a while I find a dead Dragon, like this one that somenow appeared out of nowhere with its head stuck through the walls of the local inn and writhing like crazy. The local populace doesn't even seem to notice.
    • As I found out a few in-game hours later, that wasn't the last I've seen of the dragon's carcass. It happened again here, here, and here. Makes me wonder if the dragon was somehow stalking my character even though it was dead. With the later two features exhibiting yet another bug - I decide to blow the dragon's body away with a Firebot spell, and gawked when the carcass stopped in midair in its flight before falling straight down for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Especially noticable in the 2nd video where the carcass actually floats in midair for quite a while before falling.
    • A somewhat related dragon bug happened later still when I killed a dragon at the Skyborn Altar. After it died, it's carcass simply fell through the ground as if there was a big hole in it. (Luckily I reloaded because I was busy recording the "critical kill" dragon slaying sequence for keeps, so after the last reload, the bug didn't happen again and I could loot the dragon's body of its hidden treasures.)
  • This troper found a lone Stormcloak soldier wandering along a mountain. Feeling cruel I decided to Fus Roh Dah him over the side of the ledge nearby. As I did so, suddenly half a dozen red dots appeared on my radar. I was quickly confused as to where so many enemies came from and approached the ledge I just Shouted the Stormcloak off — I hadn't noticed the ledge we were on overlooked a Stormcloak camp. Oops.
  • The game has a number of quirks related to their mad libs questing system. When you shout in a populated area, you'll sometimes later get an anonymous letter stating that you caused quite a stir and not everyone is happy to see you back but the writer wants to help you so go check out location X to find another source of power and kill a dragon. You can get this letter by shouting at Sky Haven Temple, where the only witnesses are your fellow Blades, all of whom are already helping your fulfill your potential as the Dragonborn and slay dragons.
    • This Dovahkiin once got one of these letters by shouting at the Throat of the World. Considering the only characters (besides followers) who appear at that location are dragons (and that it's impossible to reach said location without being the Dragonborn or at least knowing the Clear Skies shout), one may wonder who sent the letter to go kill more dragons.
  • The civilians' reactions to corpses can be hilarious, no matter who's body it is, they'll all say "Oh, what happened?" in the case of adults, and "Ah! Dead body!" in the case of children. For instance, I once dragged the corpse of Roggvir, the guy who gets executed in Solitude, into the street. Cue the entire population acting as if the body had randomly dropped out of the sky. Another funny time was when Weylin gets killed at the start of the Forsworn Conspiracy, it is entirely possible for all of the town drunks, who use the same voice, to cluster around Weylin and Margerate's corpses, simultaneously saying "Oh, what happened?".
    • Likewise, during the quest to rescue a girl from a band of Forsworn and to be brought back to the Temple of Dibella, she reacts to every single dead Forsworn (all killed by you of course on the way in) your group passes by on the way out of the ruined fort, which is both annoying and funny.
  • This troper was wandering around when she came across an upturned cart of cabbages. She's not sure if it was an intentional Shout-Out or just a funny thing that happened, but it was still laugh-worthy nonetheless.
  • Again from Peptuck, who gave us Tiberium Wars, Graveyard Shift, Renegade, Forward, and Harbinger, comes this gem: mad mage-alchemist Houborn against Dragon Priest Krosis.
  • By themselves, two-handed weapons are amusing, if only for the sheer brutality. But combine two-handed weapons with a female Breton deliberately modeled for minimum weight, and you get to watch this tiny girl wielding battleaxes bigger than she is, who can barely reach the chest of most Nord, running around whalloping fools.
  • The Radiant AI can be pretty stupid when it comes to when lines are appropriate. This can lead to situations like this:

 (After killing an Ancient Dragon, with amazingly no casualties, standing next to it's arrow-ridden corpse)

Riverwood Guard: My cousin's out fighting dragons, and what do I get? Guard duty.

  • The first time a dragon attacked the College of Winterhold (seems to be a spawn point for them or something), this troper stood in the well in the courtyard, ready for an amazing fight alongside the most accomplished wizards in the entire province. What I got was the most accomplished wizards in the entire province running back inside and locking the door behind them, leaving the college freshman to fight an elder dragon. Thanks, guys.
  • The Skeleton Bikini mod. Exactly What It Says on the Tin (warning: NSFW)
  • This mod that combines the Skyrim Troll with the other kind of Troll. Prepare for a barrel of laughs.
  • One of the early main-storyline quests involves an NPC who arranges to meet you by stealing the ancient horn you were supposed to be retrieving. When you finally meet up with her, she ends up giving back the item and then having a conversation with you whilst leaning forwards across a table giving you a good view of her cleavage. About halfway through the conversation, she utters the immortal line:

 "Don't you trust me? I already gave you the horn."

  • One that only works for Imperials only, after killing Ulfric Stormcloak, the wise and courageous hero of all nords, you can lout his body like any other. His weapon of choice? An iron axe with a fear enchant on it. It's even called Iron War axe of Cowardice. Combine this with the fact his favorite Thu'um is unrelenting force, a shout which pushes enemies away from him, you begin to get the idea the great Jarl of Windhelm isn't as fearless as many Stormcloaks believe.
  • The Barrel Outfit mod, which if equipped makes the wearer sort of resemble a very large Waddling Head.
  • The Skyrim Dance Mods, which will send anyone to the dance floor, even Generals, Jarls, the Greybeards, anyone. Here are a few dance sequences:
  • When you get to the portal to Sovngarde, you'll likely have just received the first word of Storm Call, the most powerful shout in the game. You see a Dragon Priest, one of the toughest bosses in the game. You'll likely try to use Storm Call on him. And provoke the two dragons perched nearby, making the situation even more difficult.
  • A funny case of possibly accidental Did You Just Scam Cthulhu? towards the Daedric Princes. If you decide to become a werewolf during the Companions questline, you'll technically condemn yourself to hunting with Hircine in his realm after you die for all time. If you get far enough in the Thieves Guild questline you'll have to swear yourself to eternal service with Nocturnal. If you do both with one character, you just guaranteed two Eldritch Abomination s are going to end up fighting over ownership of an immortal dragon soul upon your death (dragons being the children/physical manifestations/servants of Akatosh, just to add to the hilarity). Take into consideration that, according to Sheogorath from Shivering Isles expansion, the Lords occasionally have little get togethers, the potential for "mommy and daddy are fighting again" jokes becomes endless.
  • One of the new kill cams added in the 1.5 patch has you essentially headbutt the enemy to death!
    • Also fun/funny: Killing people by breaking their necks with your shield.
    • One kill cam move has you twirling your sword around several times like a baton before slashing your opponent dead. It's something normally just for show in Real Life, and thus can look silly for some as a finisher, especially when you're using a dagger.
    • Perhaps the most ridiculous finisher move involves knocking your opponent down on his/her back and simply walking all over them.
  • Phenderix Magic Evolved (Mod) Has a spell named Gale Wave, an air elemental spell. Its function? A continuous stream of Fus Ro Dahs, at about 5 full power shouts per second. It effects any unconscious enemies, as well, allowing you to fling them off of ramp-like rocks so high that you can't see them anymore! Sometimes, they'll even get right back up after flying and falling thousands of feet up.
  • The Word Wall containing the first word of the shout for Elemental Fury (which is either at Dragontooth Crater, The Statue to Meridia, or Shriekwind Bastion, whichever you visit first) may not look all that funny- not if you can't read the Dovah language carved on the wall. When translated, it reads thus:
  • One of the game's Good Bad Bugs results this famous case of Cloning Blues: Meet the Louis Letrush Brothers.
  • There's a Funny Background Event that takes place shortly after this troper's meeting with M'aiq the Liar (it's a Mammoth that somehow gets flung into the air and falls to its death).
  • Apparently nobody explained to the Nords that became draugr exactly what the contents of their dungeons are (i.e. Booby Traps). I wake up a draugr, then run past a swinging-wall trap and over its pressure plate. I have a perk that lets me cross them without triggering them. The draugr doesn't. SPLAT!
    • It is also amusing that the tombs' creators saw it fit to spill flammable oil all over the ground, and hang jugs of volatile substances above them, thinking that they would burn up intruders. For anyone with a bow and arrow, though, they usually end up burning way more zombies (draugr) than they do adventurers.
    • Sometimes even newer occupants of those dungeons (eg Bandits and Necromages) show similar stupidity. This troper was infiltrating a dungeon taken over by Necromages, when I accidentally triggered a mammoth-skull trap, which slammed into a revived Skeleton that was supposed to be guarding the place. Moments later, I dealt with a guarding Necromage by shooting a flaming jug above him with an arrow and frying him to death.
    • Speaking of such, one Draugr filled dungeon had more cases of Too Dumb to Live. First I was spotted by one Draugr and he came charging, only to step on a tripwire and get buried under an avalanche of boulders that were let loose by the trap. A second Draugr didn't fare as well when he saw me through some swinging blades and stupidly tried to go after me, only to get turned into instant sushi. A last one got his clock punched out, literally, by standing in the way of a battering ram trap I also triggered.
  • Sleepwalking is one thing. Ever heard of sleep spinning? Ask Phinis Gestor. Or Drevis Neloren. Or Enthir.
  • The following letter can be found in Wylandriah's area of Mistveil keep:


Your letter sent to the College of Winterhold was rife with grammatical errors and incomplete thoughts, making them difficult to discern. Could you please clarify the points below for us to ensure we're on the same page?

We have no record of a "cloud emulsifier" device or anything involving the magical manipulation of clouds. Second, we can't send you a sample of the Heart of Lorkhan for experimentation, as no such sample exists. And finally, in the fourteenth paragraph of your letter, you mention a substance called "greenmote." We're assuming this was a simple mistake and you meant to write "greenspore." If that's the case we have contaminated skeever carcasses with the disease available if needed.

We'd also like to thank you for sending us your notes regarding your experiments, we've all had a quite a grand time reading them.

Mirabelle Ervine"

  • This troper decided to take one of the thieves guild quest to steal something from a random home, after being told not to get caught or kill anyone I snuck into the house and found everyone dead. After a few moments I realised I'd been here before... that's when I realised, this is Markath and I already visited this place; during the Forsworn conspiracy and had already killed everyone there, not that the guild noticed.
  • This Troper just experienced what she's pretty sure is a Good Bad Bug. She was poking around looking for a bandit hideout when a dragon spawned nearby her. So, she hopped on her trusty steed, galloped down to where the dragon was, and was prepared to take it on as the epic dragon battle music started playing. That was when the dragon literally dropped to the ground, dead without me firing a single arrow. Talk about anticlimactic. But at least it netted me a free dragon soul.
  • Occasionally, dragons will screw up their landings, often in Epic Fail level ways, which will almost always treat you to the site of a dragon overshooting their landing, making a long crater in the ground that usually doesn't end until they bash they own head in, usually on the nearest mountain.
  • Game mods can really add laughs to a game. This troper has one of the Dragonball Z mods that gives the Dragonborn a more authentic looking Kamehame Hadouken attack from the said series. He decided to try using on a dragon, and accidentally reduced it to a pile of ash (which itself was actually small, like it was the result of a killed human or bear)! What made it funny was how the lone guard who helped in fighting it still ended up gawking at the pile of ash like it was the dragon's full sized carcass.
  • This troper did a few jobs of the Thieves Guild questline that created a Hilarious in Hindsight situation. His job at the time was to pickpocket Erikur and take his circlet. Right after was the special job for Solitude, where Erikur himself is the job requestor.
  • Follower AI, while usually at least decent, can have some spectacularly stupid moments... especially when it comes to sneaking. Take, for example, my contract to assassinate a Reckless Mage in Winterhold for the "Dark Brotherhood Forever" quest. Feeling paternal, I decided to take along a young Dark Brotherhood Initiate to show her the ropes of contract killing. Half an hour later, with my protégé decked out in exquisitely upgraded and enchanted Glass Armor, with a full quiver of arrows and a high-powered Ebony Bow, we were on our way to Winterhold. We entered the inn where my target was staying, and I took up my usual position inside an adjoining room, from which I could get a clear shot without being detected. I entered sneak mode and spotted the target sitting on a bench, chowing down on some Eidar Cheese. Having confirmed his position, I silently crept behind the Initiate so that she had clear line of sight, then ordered her to fire a single arrow at his heart. Immediately, she leaped up and charged out of cover, drawing her bowstring and screaming "Just die!" She weaved through the screaming crowd as if dodging machine-gun fire for a few seconds, evading combatants only she could see, then fired an arrow at a range of less than ten feet into the startled mage. She sheathed her bow, and an atmosphere of cheer returned to the inn. Nobody seemed to notice the corpse lying right next to them on the bench where they were drinking. We never received a bounty, and even had time to grab a few celebratory drinks before our departure.
  • After beating the main quest with one character I created a new one and started again. In Bleakfalls Barrow, I noticed a skeleton stuck in the rock with "jazzhands" and it looked like he was grinning.
  • At a Dragon word wall near Markarth, I spent about 10 minutes chasing a dragon over rocks and slopes because he was more interested in killing a sabercat and frost spiders. In turn they seemed more interested in each other. After disrupting the spider-cat love fest. I chased the dragon back to the word wall firing off Ice spikes and Firebolts and being rudely ignored. The dragon lands on the word wall and begins dancing. So I kept shooting. Eventually he falls asleep gets hit wakes up and attacks, only with full health. All I could do was keep firing and downing potions and giggle.
    • This Troper's brother had a similar moment. A dragon appeared on his game, and he went after it. He had tried his darnedest to get the dragon to come down and attack him, but no matter what he did, the dragon just flat-out ignored him. He tried throwing spells and shouts at it, most which missed, but it just kept flying around in the air. He eventually got it to attack him.
  • This Troper had an instance where a Dragon swooped down and attacked Sky Haven Temple. When it saw Lydia, Cicero, Erandur, Athar, Delphine, Esbern, and myself all waiting with readied weapons, it turned around and ran away.
  • From the description of the "Fall of the Space Core" mod:

 Also, since Skyrim was the only major release of 2011 without Nolan North in it, you should consider this mod a patch to fix that problem. You can now feel free to include Skyrim in the "Nolan North" section of your video game library, which is to say, your video game library.


  1. Wabbajack Wabbajack Wabbajack.