The Motley Two

"Yes, that's them. Try not to faint."

You and your NEIGHBOR have been rivals since you settled in this lawnring. You've sparred on more occasions than it is sensible to discuss, and you can't help but despair at the fact that, barring some freak medical accident, you two will undoubtedly be assigned to the same Recruitador ship, and likewise, to the same Alternian Battlecruiser. [...] You are destined to hate each other forever. But secretly, you sort of have the hots for her.

The Motley Two is a defunct Homestuck Fanfic in the format of a MSPA Forum adventure by Graven_Image - a sort of Interactive Comic, except, uh, this particular adventure is a text adventure and thus without pictures. Usually. So, it's basically a textual story driven by reader-given commands. Though some illustrations do occasionally appear.

Story-wise, The Motley Two follows the shenanigans of two Homestuck trolls freshly drafted onto an Alternian military spaceship, Talies Heoria and Kaogin Lisrey, and focuses on their Foe Yay / Belligerent Sexual Tension 'kismesissitude' relationship as well as other aspects of the ever-confusing troll romance.

A Wayback Machine archive of the story can be found here.

On hiatus since 2010.

Tropes used in The Motley Two include:

• Air Vent Passageway: Perria, The Rival of the spaceship's captain, uses air vents to hide and move around undetected. This is also how Tetras slips into Talies' room. These are some big and practical air vents.
• Angst? What Angst?: Ricord is determined not to let his status as a Mook-in-Training discourage him.
• Apocalypse How: A Class-X3 happened sometime in the past, eradicating the entire Troll race due to the canon actions of the 12 trolls from Homestuck. However, something allowed them to enact a Snap Back on their home universe while simultaneously returning to it. By the time everyone figured out what happened (which is to say, sweeps and sweeps later), the trolls at fault were so high up in the Imperial hierarchy that no one who wanted to get revenge on them could.
• Artificial Limbs: Kaogin's arm and leg.
• Belligerent Sexual Tension
• Big Creepy-Crawlies: Kaogin and Talies's lusii.
• Non Sequitur Scene: Suddenly, Troll Fidel Castro!
• Cannon Fodder: Threshecutioners fill this role in the Alternian military. Trolls get assigned there if their blood is too low on the hemospectrum, if they screw up royally in their assignments, or if they just sign up for the division on purpose.
• Creepy Twins: The twins thingOne and thingTwo are usually just annoying, but decide to invoke this trope a bit when confronting their former (virtual) killer, Tetras.
• Dropped A Ceiling On Them: In the second simulation, Kaogin, thingOne, and thingTwo's plot to kill Tetras is halted abruptly by the second floor of the building (and Talies) coming down on them.
• Electronic Eyes: Talies' robotic eye.
• Feuding Families: The Megidos and the Serkets. Given how Troll "families" work, though, no one gets into it without knowing full well what they're in for.
• Fingerless Gloves: Talies, as seen in the illustrations.
  • Now we know why he wears them. Writer-Mages get a rune inscribed on their hands to sensitize them to the flow of magical energy. Talies wears the gloves because the rune makes the affected area sensitive to touch, as well.
• Foe Yay: Kismesissitude like usual among the Homestuck trolls.
• Funetik Aksent: Quinsy.
• Fourth Wall Observer: Rambar. He talks back to the people sending him commands across dimensions, I.E. the readers.
• The Gambler: Tetras, who uses weaponized dice with a number of effects depending on the number rolled. She is actually pretty unlucky and often rolls low... but it's okay, since her IMPERIAL DUET has powerful effects with any extreme roll, not just high ones.
• Geometric Magic: Talies' WRITER-MAGE abilities rely on drawing runes with pen-on-paper.
• Hellish Pupils: One of Tetras' eyes has three pupils, fitting for a descendant of Vriska Serket.
• Intoxication Ensues: Talies gets massively drunk during the post-liftoff party aboard the Hiroja. Or massively high. It's kind of hard to quantify, given what could have been in those drinks...
• Knife Nut: Quinsy Sharps, who is literally described as a "KNIFE NUT".
• Noodle Incident: Whatever it was that took Talies' eye and two of Kaogin's limbs.
• Next Gen Fic: Some of the troll characters are descendants of Homestuck's canon trolls, and share their last name and display similar abilities and personality.
• Nuke'Em: In one of the VR simulations, one team has to hold out until UV bombs become available. After that, the enemy team is assured of a rather painful loss.
• Numerical Theme Naming: Tetras (from the prefix tetra- = four), whose theme is the number four.
• Numerological Motif: Rambar has a "th1ng" for the number one.
  • And Tetras, for four, as mentioned above.
• One-Hit Kill: Kaogin's victim in the VR simulation never knew what hit her.
• One of Us: The author. Talies' online handle is memeticMutant.
• Pointy-Haired Boss: Perria Makara. How someone like her got to the rank of Admiral is anyone's guess.
• The Pen Is Mightier: Talies certainly seems to think so.
• Short Distance Internet Trolling: A moment of silliness between Talies and Kaogin in an elevator.
• Shout-Out: Swordchucks (Swordchaku?) are apparently not only valid Alternian weapons, but are quite deadly in the right hands.
  • Also, Kaogin says she prays to Gork and Mork.
• The Stoner: Perria again. Though, given who she's related to, this is probably for the best.
• Super Strength: Kaogin's mechanical arm can apparently tear down walls.
• Virtual Training Simulation: Modelled after team multiplayer first-person shooters. Becomes a focus of the plot later on. The fact that the author is a big Team Fortress 2 fan might have something to do with it.
• What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: Talies hears extradimensional beings speaking to him. That is, to say, you.
• Writing by the Seat of Your Pants: A lot of the story is whipped up at the whims of the readers, as is usual for Interactive Comics.