Without Her

"As I feel myself slipping away, I ask that you take care of my baby....let her know that I love her...."

Uploaded by the fic's author.

Without Her is a Kill la Kill post-canon AU fic.

Centered around a shared loss, the loved ones of a passed-on Satsuki navigate their (and her daughter's) lives without her.

Tropes used in Without Her include:

• The Alcoholic: Nonon and this trope crosses over with Addled Addict, as she spends much of her time drinking, to the expense of doing something else. This is also deconstructed because her addiction does make issues for everyone else, like getting into a fight with Ryuuko and, eventually, she's made to go into rehab, and this is on top of the damage her addiction did to her body. By chapter 30, she's starting to overcome her alcoholism
• Ambiguous Situation: Are Mako and Gamagoori a couple or do they just live together? The story never elaborates, though we do know they're on good enough terms to live together.
• Birth-Death Juxtaposition: In a way, as Mika's birth leads to Satsuki's death.
• Bittersweet Ending: Mika celebrates her birthday and, slowly, Satsuki's loved ones manage without her. According to Mika's narration, Nonon is making amends with everyone, though Ryuuko is keeping her at a distance. As for Satsuki, her "earthly business" is practically finished.
• Cool Big Sis: From what's implied in chapter 16, Satsuki was this to Ryuuko before she passed away. In that same chapter, Ryuuko wonders if Mika is trying to fulfill this role for Aiko.
• A Day in the Limelight: Aiko narrates chapter 31.
• Death by Childbirth: The fic is about the aftermath of this. Related to that, by Chapter 10, Ryuuko has a discussion with Uzu as to how she should go about telling Mika about her mother.
• Environmental Symbolism: Verging on Empathic Environment, Satsuki seems to be associated with rain in some way. To list, it rains at her funeral, it rains around the time that Uzu visits her grave, and it rains again when Mako discusses her (or something related to her) with Ryuuko and, later, Gamagoori. Related to that, it starts in raining in Chapter 19 and Aiko points out that forecast that day didn't call for rain.
• The Fellowship Has Ended: Played with. According to Satsuki's letter to Uzu, before she passed away, she had a feeling that her "Elite Four" would go their separate ways "as life continued" , however, we do see that, at least, Uzu, Nonon, and Ira do keep in touch, while Houka's moved away.
• Five Stages of Grief: Though, it seems to be combined in some of the characters:
  • Mako, of the group, seems to have acceptance, acting as the voice of reason and focusing more on Mika.
  • Nonon seems to cycle between and combine "anger", "denial" and "depression", though with a bit of "bargaining". Other than taking Satsuki's death the hardest, she's taken up an addiction, hostile to Mika's presence, and, at different points, she wishes she had offered to be a surrogate or try to convince Satsukito abort. By a point, according to Amoridere's notes, Nonon's cycled back to "denial". However, after reading Satsuki's letter and having a realization, she's working towards "acceptance".
  • Ryuuko seems to be a combo of "acceptance", "depression" and "denial", though with a small bit of "bargaining" and a touch of "anger". As she puts it, Satsuki's death and absence "wasn't supposed to be happen" and, at one point, wished she could have traded places so Mika could have her mother. As Mika's birthday comes, she's more at "acceptance".
• Flower Motifs: Satsuki seems to be associated with hydrangeas, which are known to grow during the rainier seasons (around summertime), she got a raincoat and dress with them on it, they go with her color scheme, and this association clues us that she's "Ajisai-sama".
• Foolish Sibling, Responsible Sibling: While they aren't sisters, according to an author's note, Mika and Aiko have this sort of dynamic, as Mika is more apt to do what Ryuuko tells her to, while Aiko, quote, does "whatever she damn well pleases". However, this is downplayed.
• Free-Range Children: Played with. Since the story is set in Japan, where you're more likely to find free-range kids, Mika and Aiko have been noted to hang out in places like the beach without Ryuuko present, however, this is downplayed, as while the latter does let them go to where they request to, she knows where they are and will come to retrieve them.
• Good Girls Avoid Abortion: Actually, this is played with neutrally. Because Satsuki passes away shortly after giving birth, Nonon thinks the former should have aborted the pregnancy because she'd still be alive otherwise, however, Shiro points out that Satsuki's pregnancy and motherhood were her choices. When this gets mentioned again, Uzu tells Nonon, “So? She’d have died either ways and she just so happened to pass away after bringing her daughter into the world.”
• Hates Being Touched: From Ryuuko implies, Satsuki hated being touched but does remember the latter hugging her.
• It Always Rains At Funerals: Satsuki's funeral is mentioned to be on a rainy day. In a later chapter, it rains as Uzu leaves the former's grave.
• Jerkass Realization: In chapter 22, Nonon comes this realization after reading Satsuki's letter and learning some of the latter's final wishes: For Nonon to live life as, quote, "full and wonderful as she [Nonon] can" and, at least, try to get along with Ryuuko and her realization gets cemented when she realizes that, in her grief, she didn't abide by any of her friend's wishes and wasted her life on top of it.
• Mama Bear: The Bottle Incident was because a drunken Nonon called Mika a "parasite" and Ryuuko smacked the former across the face.
• Morton's Fork: Nonon, by point, narrates, "I can't tell if I want to forget or if I just want to chase the memories of her. All I can say is that she haunts me." It doesn't matter Nonon's exact reason for grief-induced drinking habits, she's still drinking to cope with Satsuki's death.
• Nephewism: Satsuki's baby is in the care of Ryuuko. As one might presume, some of Ryuuko's inner conflict, as she knows that Aiko and Mika need to be parented differently.
• Noodle Incident: The "Bottle Incident" and what lead up to it is set up as this, as what's known about it was that Nonon hit Ryuuko with a bottle. According to Nonon, it was because the latter wouldn't give her a photo that she asked for, while Uzu (who narrates chapter 14) knows the reason for the fight was because of, quote, "deeper reasons". In Chapter 16, we find out that Ryuuko and Nonon had a fight over the latter referring to Mika as "parasite".
• Not-So-Imaginary Friend: As Mika says about the "lady by the sea", the latter didn't feel imaginary. As we find out, she wasn't, actually, it's implied that the "lady by the sea" and "Ajisai-sama" is Satsuki's ghost.
• Now What?: Doubling as an Armor-Piercing Question. In chapter 13, while confronting Nonon about her drinking, after the former says, "If she had an abortion, she'd still be alive." to which Shiro says, "And then what? Would she'd have been happier for it?", before asking her, "Or would she had died because of some other reason?"
• OOC Is Serious Business: Two instances:
  • As noted a couple of times in Chapters 19 and 20, Ryuuko tends to be "thicker skinned", so for her to spend much of the day at Satsuki's grave, tells everyone close to her that she's deeply upset over what Nonon told her. Related to that, while these two have thrown insults at one another, Ryuuko's never cried over them nor has Nonon said anything particularly mean to the former.
  • In chapter 20, during Uzu's confrontation with Nonon, he calls her by her surname and "Jakuzure" is written in italics.
• Our Ghosts Are Different: Satsuki, considering that she can either appear as an adult, a child, or butterfly and she seems to be with her multiple loved ones at once.
• Parental Abandonment: Mika is this, effectively, as Satsuki passed away shortly after delivery and there's no mentions of Mika's father or, for that matter, how Mika was conceived. This is somewhat deconstructed because Mika does feel her mother's absence.
  • Disappeared Dad: Aiko's father is also not mentioned. At one point, when Uzu mentions her, he says, "No dad, no." It's implied that Ryuuko conceived her via one-night stand.
• Posthumous Character: Satsuki and the fic is how the rest of her circle deals with her death.
• Put on a Bus: Houka, by chapter 4, is mentioned to have moved away, and so, outside of being mentioned, doesn't really appear in the story. Related to that, he doesn't show up to narrate either.
• Riddle for the Ages: It's not really clear as to how and why Satsuki didn't survive Mika's birth, aside that, quote, "her body gave out"
• Secretly Dying: Played with. As we find out in her letters and diary, Satsuki had a feeling that she wasn't going to survive the birth of her daughter but held out hope that it was "nerves".
• The Scottish Trope: A non-villainous or ominous example. While we know Satsuki's passed away, her name tends not to be used but she is, otherwise, alluded to, which implies that the others (Ryuuko, Uzu, Gamagoori, and Shiro) are coming terms with her death, while Mako actually does use her name, as she's come to terms with the fact that Satsuki's death happened, while Nonon might use the latter's name when she talks to her or in internally. Interestingly enough, mentioning Satsuki in some way seems to make it rain.
• Switching POV: As typical of Amoridere's fics, this one does get narrated from multiple POVs. Related to that, one chapter has two POVs
• Talking to the Dead: A few times. It's most prominent with Uzu as he does talk to Satsuki's grave. Perhaps, saying her name makes Satsuki's death feel more real to them.
• Tell Me About My Father: At some point, earlier in the story, Mika does ask about her mother and Ryuuko's somewhat evasive about it, though for different reasons because it's painful to talk about Satsuki without crying. At one point, in that same chapter, Mika asks her cousin Aiko, to which the latter points out that Mika is older than her and that she wouldn't know. In chapter 11, Ryuuko confides to Uzu that she doesn't know how she would go about telling Mika about her mother's death. In Chapter 29, with support, Ryuuko is able to tell Mika about Satsuki's death.
• Time Skip: According to the note for Chapter 6, Mika's around 12, implying this trope.
• Vague Age: Not too vague, if you do the math . However, it's not said how old Aiko is besides that Mika (affectionately called "Mii") is significantly older than her and the latter is 11 years old by a point in the story. Further skewing the math is that, when Mika was 4, Aiko was mentioned to have started crawling.
• Virtual Soundtrack:
  • Chapter 1: Find a Melody by Andrea Vasko
  • Chapter 2: Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers.
  • Chapter 3: Zelda's Lullaby by Gentle Video Game Lullabies and Andrea Vanzo
  • Chapter 4: Wolfpack by Johannes Bornlöf
  • Chapter 6: A Faint Glow by Vindsvept
  • Chapter 7: Call Me by Gigi Masin
  • Chapter 8: Dreamscape (Slowed and Reverbed) by Beachgazing
  • Chapter 9: Je Te Laisserai des Mots (paino cover) by noel.smt
  • Chapter 10: Color Me Blue by Akane
  • Chapter 11: Requiem by Hiroyuki Sawano
  • Chapter 12: I'll be around. by Gavin Luke
  • Chapter 13: Shelter by Myuu
  • Chapter 14: The Last Breath by Gavin Luke
  • Chapter 15:I want to know by Hiroyuki Sawano/CASG
  • Chapter 16: Ochihabune by Yasuharu Takanashi
  • Chapter 17: Gliding Flight by Norman Dück
  • Chapter 18: Tubes by A Cerulean State
  • Chapter 19: Rest by Norman Dück
  • Chapter 20: Ad la Lib by Hiroyuki Sawano
  • Chapter 21: Tama-gawa by Unknown Dimension
  • Chapter 22: Yowa no Tsuki by the Yoshida Brothers
  • Chapter 23: Heart and Soul by BDK Sonic
  • Chapter 24: Buried Away (Mars Underground) by Flare
  • Chapter 25: Little Bird, where have you gone? by A Cerulean State
  • Chapter 26: 出会いと別れの模型館 by Unknown Dimension
  • Chapter 27: Scenery #1: Light by Yasuaki Ishikawa
  • Chapter 28: Edith's Theme by Jeff Russo
  • Chapter 29: Quiet Crossroads by Aleksey Chistlin
  • Chapter 30: Hachi - Last Trip To The Station by Jan A.P Kaczmarek
  • Chapter 31: Self by Starbirth
  • Chapter 32: Would You Hold Me? by Franz Gordon.

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