You Can't Do That on Television

Hi, and welcome to sort of a... musty episode of You Can't Do That on Television. The show that makes modern history every week by continually appalling its viewers. —Christine "Moose" McGlade, the show's host from 1979 to 1986

Canadian Saturday Morning Kids Show Sketch Comedy, running from 1979 to 1990, and rerun on and later produced by Nickelodeon. Heavily influenced by Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, borrowing modified and age-appropriate versions of several of Laugh-In sketches (most obviously, the joke wall, redesigned as a set of locker doors; the habit of dumping buckets of water on cast members, and the announcer) and catch phrases.

First introduced at CJOH-TV in Ottawa (a CTV affiliate) as a kids' variety show, the show's wild success in America starting in 1982 made it one of the defining shows of Nickelodeon's history. It would run far longer on that network than it did in Canada - especially after Nickelodeon began co-producing the show with CJOH, resulting in the show's content being "Americanised" - and the network's trademark green slime started with this show. The show's influence went beyond Nickelodeon, as homages have popped up everywhere from the sitcom News Radio (in one episode, the cast was doused with buckets of green slime and water) to Family Guy (Peter Griffin gets slimed in one episode) to, most recently, Saturday Night Live.

Brought Covered in Gunge to North America (the idea being that Roger Price wanted something ego-deflating to happen to the kids, so that viewers wouldn't envy them too much). And Alanis Morissette. No, really. The proof is here. It was also an early writing job for Bill Prady, who went on to create The Big Bang Theory. Another of the show's writers, Dick Cooper, had been a member of the popular 1970s soft-rock band The Cooper Brothers, known for hits like "The Dream Never Dies" and "I'll Know Her When I See Her."

Spun off two short-lived series: 1979's unsuccessful Whatever Turns You On for CTV (essentially pairing the YCDTOTV cast with guest star Ruth Buzzi), and 1983's very popular (but hated by parents) Don't Look Now! for PBS (made in Boston with a completely different cast and featuring "Yellow Yuck" instead of green slime).

Now with its own Getting Crap Past the Radar page.

Tropes used in You Can't Do That on Television include:

• Abusive Parents: Dad had his moments, but Mom (Abby Hagyard) lived here, especially in the later seasons. Skits involving corporal punishment and disciplinary methods such as locking kids in cages were common.
• Actor Allusion: Of a sort. Host Christine McGlade made the mistake of mentioning her real-life nickname Moose to the producers; it was swiftly worked into the show. This was one of many ways in which the writers took the kids' real-life quirks and exaggerated them for comedy.
• Adults Are Useless: Adults are usually portrayed as bumbling morons...at their best. The one who isn't--Ross, the stage manager--is despicable for all other sorts of reasons. This was deliberate on the part of creator Roger Price, who hated that adults in kids' shows tended to be reliable, helpful, Reasonable Authority Figures and wanted to teach kids that not all adults were like this.
• Annoying Younger Sibling: Amyas Godfrey to his older brother, Matthew, and later on, Amy Stanley to her big sister, Jill. There was even a pair of identical twins - which sounds like it would have made for great comedy, but they only lasted one episode.
• Arcade Sounds: While the Blip's Arkaid skits typically substituted generic beeps, bloops and buzzer sounds for actual video games, Christine spends much of the "Addictions" episode playing the Atari 2600 port of Pac-Man, and an opposite skit in "Punishment" features a loop of sound effects from the original Super Mario Bros., suggesting Valerie is playing a Nintendo Entertainment System.
• Audience Participation: When it was a local show in Ottawa, viewers had the opportunity to participate in various interactive features such as phone-in contests offering prizes such as radios and record albums, as well as telling jokes and complaints via the "Roving Camera," which would be in a different location each week. Viewers were even encouraged to submit their own skit ideas; indeed, the very first opposite skit (a kid complaining about having to eat a candy bar before he's allowed to eat his spinach) was written by a viewer. At least one kid (Martin Kerr) even made it on the show after he appeared in a Roving Camera segment. After Nickelodeon became a co-producer, Roving Camera segments involved Christine traveling to the U.S. to interview kids about the theme of each show, and were finally phased out after the 1983 season.
  • Call-in segments were also part of Don't Look Now!, with viewers having to answer a question from the past week's news.
  • Played with in the "Technology" (aka "touch the red or green square") episode - it obviously wasn't interactive, though many viewers (this troper included) initially thought it was.
• Bankruptcy Barrel:
  • Ross and Moose end up wearing these in "Crime and Vandalism" (1981), when their clothes (and most of the set) have been stolen. Moose's still has water and a rubber duck in it.
  • Moose, Brodie and Eugene in 1983's "Inequality: Kids vs. Adults", after Ross gives the kids' clothes to the adult actors in the studio next door (who lost all their own clothes in a studio fire). At least Moose's barrel wasn't filled with water this time.
  • In a 1989 episode, Sariya is forced to wear "her father's favorite fertilizer barrel" to school after Mom donates all her clothes to charity as punishment for constantly complaining about "having nothing to wear."
• Broken Aesop: In one scene, Senator Prevert (Les Lye) in one sketch yelled at Alasdair for having been caught smoking cigarettes in school, and then proceeded to light up a cigar in the same sketch.

Alasdair: Wait a minute, I thought you said smoking was bad for your health! Sen. Prevert: No, what I said was, smoking is bad for your health. I never said anything about mine.

• • There were a couple of these also in the "Addictions" episode from 1982, notably a link set skit where Lisa reprimands Christine for being "addicted" to video games, but then it turns out Lisa has her own "unhealthy" addiction - to soap operas.
• Bilingual Bonus: Christine was once drenched for saying, "Oh, no you don't!", since "Oh" sounds like eau, the French word for "water" (and it just happened the stagehand who dumped the liquid was a Francophone).
• Blatant Lies: Often used by the adults to trick the kids into getting slimed or suffering some other misfortune. In "Holidays," Ross tells Christine she won't get slimed if she admits she doesn't know the answer to his question: name the holiday we celebrate that coincided with the old Roman New Year. After she gets slimed anyway, he tells her the answer: April Fools' Day.
• Bucket Booby Trap: Christine falls victim to this (with water) in the "Manners" episode, courtesy of Kevin and Alasdair. To add injury to insult, the bucket hits her on the head afterwards.
• The Cameo: Christine McGlade's father, brother and sister all made cameo appearances. Christine's sister, Lisa, even had a speaking part in the "Cosmetics" episode, playing a younger version of Christine in a detention skit. Roger Price, however, shot down Les Lye's suggestion that Lisa McGlade be groomed to take over from her older sister.
  • The 1989 season had various cameo appearances by former cast members. "Age," in addition to having Vanessa return as host, had cameos by Christine, Alasdair, Doug, and Kevin Kubusheskie (who was working on the show as a producer by then); Lisa Ruddy would have appeared as well if she had not been out of town when the episode was shot. Alasdair also appeared in the locker jokes segment in "Fantasies," and Adam Reid appeared (and was slimed) at the end of "Punishment" (which he also co-wrote).
• Canada, Eh?: The show is a Canadian production. Other Canadianisms that found their way into the show: going "to university" instead of "to college", and saying "grade ten" instead of "tenth grade." Although the writers did their best to internationalize the show's content by making references to American things such as the Fourth of July, it was little things like those in the script that (even without seeing the words "Ottawa, Canada" in the closing credits) made the show's country of origin obvious.
  • "Going to university" isn't a Canadianism. University and college are separate things. Of course somebody going to Carleton College instead of Carton University will say "College" regardless of where they live.
    • More obvious in Season One, "Whatever Turns You On," and the CJOH version of Season Two (which were never intended to be seen outside of Canada), with a number of jokes about French speakers. Season One includes a lot of jokes about one guy (Marc Baillon) being French-Canadian, leading to the line "You don't speak Frog, eh?" ("Frog" is an offensive term for a French person [as in "from France" French], but can also be applied to anyone who speaks French as their first language, including the majority of Quebecers. Ottawa itself has a large Francophone population, as the city itself is on the Ontario/Quebec border and the metro area extends into Quebec.)
      • In another scene, one girl (Cyndi) talked about her first crush being "a frog." Thinking Cyndi was using the offensive slang term, Christine scolded her. It turned out Cyndi was talking about an ACTUAL frog, which she then had to dissect for school, but didn't feel bad about it because she said, "Frogs aren't human." Upon hearing this, Marc came up and announced (referring to the Quebecois separatist movement), "Any more of that, and we WILL separate!"
• Catch Phrase: And how. Some of the more repeated ones:

"Fresh air, blue skies, Barfy Burgers, girls!" "What do you think's in the burgers?" "Duh... I heard that!" "She's got a point." "Don't encourage her." "Where do they find them, and why do they keep sending them to me?" "Sometimes it's so easy, I'm ashamed of myself." "Wait a minute! Stop the execution!" (and if successful) "That's one sneaky kid." Kid to Nasti: "But you can't do this, this is torture!" Nasti: "I know!" "Ten bucks. Each." "Roll the closing credits!" "That means... this is Just the Introduction to The Opposites!"

• Christmas Episode: Both YCDTOTV and Whatever Turns You On had one,
• Couch Gag: Before the opening, there was a graphic announcing that a regularly-scheduled show parody (i.e., Mr. Rogers: Neighborhood Pusher, George Bush Shoots The Wrong Quayle, The Cosby Kids Get Put Up For Adoption, etc) will not be seen tonight and will be replaced by an episode of You Can't Do That On Television.
  • At the end, an announcer (played by Les Lye) would do a theme-relevant Brought to You by The Letter "S". The show would then cut to him as he made a final gag about the show.
• Covered in Gunge: Green slime, usually. Other colors of slime, such as red, blue, yellow, "striped" (green, red, blue and yellow at once), black, and white were used on occasion, as were other substances such as mud, paint, and porridge.
• Creator Cameo: Roger Price himself made occasional cameos as an extra. He appeared as himself in the 1979 season finale, and was even slimed for admitting he didn't know if the show would be back next year. Another first-season episode showed a clip of director Geoffrey Darby being pied behind the scenes.
• Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: In the "Discipline" episode, God strikes Amyas with lightning for shooting spitballs in church. Amyas' response? To shoot a spitball at God. After which he falls over dead.
• The Ditz: Lisa Ruddy, complete with the high-pitched voice and squeaky giggle. Also Jill Stanley in the last two seasons, due to her real-life tendency to forget her lines.
• Edited for Syndication: Roger Price and Geoffrey Darby edited the hour-long 1981 season episodes down to half an hour for international distribution, removing the local-interest segments (and reshooting some scenes that referenced local topics) and music videos. These episodes were syndicated on Nickelodeon and CTV in 1982, and after they proved to be a big hit for Nickelodeon, the network became a production partner beginning with the 1982 season and every episode from then on was made in the half-hour format.
  • The 1981 through 1983 seasons were further edited for time constraints once Nickelodeon began airing commercials. The episode cuts syndicated to CTV (and later YTV) were also different from the Nickelodeon versions, as the Canadian broadcasts had two commercial breaks instead of one.
  • In addition, several episodes on the American Nickelodeon version had parts cut:
    • The episode entitled "Body Parts" was cut to remove a lot of sexual innuendo and scenes that wouldn't fly on American children's TV no matter if it's a Golden Age or a Dork Age — one sketch had a boy selling Playboy magazines to his friends, another sketch was an "Opposites" sketch where an anatomy teacher shows his class a porno film, and the last thing cut was a girl's line about how her favorite body part is "what's in the pants" (a wallet).
    • Another episodes called "Fears, Worries, and Anxieties" had a sketch where a boy is afraid of going to school because there's a bully there who picks on him named "Killer Curtis." At the time this episode aired in America, there really was a serial killer in the news named "Killer Curtis." The Nickelodeon version redubs "Killer Curtis" with "Crusher Willis" (though one can tell it's a redub because the Nickelodeon censors used the original boy actor [Alasdair] from that sketch, who, at the time, was going through puberty and didn't have the same high-pitched voice that he used to have).
    • One skit in a 1982 episode that was cut for content reasons (suggestion of underage drinking), rather than time, was the opening of 1982's "Culture Junk," which features Christine making a mixed drink at a bar, because the script called for it: "Christine at the bar." Cue Ross, who explains to her that she's supposed to be at a ballet barre and that the bar she's seated at is "for the technicians." Post-1983 airings of this episode on Nick opened cold with the opening sequence.
    • To top it off, Nickelodeon's airing of the "Enemies and Paranoia" episode in 2004 (as an "Old School Pick") was cut short and replaced with other programming. Why? Because the episode had a lot of jokes about Ronald Reagan as President of the United States and the episode just happened to air shortly after Ronald Reagan's death made the news.
• Eek! A Mouse!: Christine hates mice, and Lisa uses this against her a few times (also using this as an excuse to call her an elephant).
• Expy: Many of the "new kids" in 1989-90 were meant to be this for the "classic cast" - Chris was the "new Alasdair," Ted and Christian were both written as the "new Doug," Jennifer was the "new Vanessa," and so on.
• Glass Shattering Sound: Chantal's screams in the "Security" episode (doubling as her way of scaring away a burglar), and Amy's singing "Silent Night" in "Embarrassment."
• Gratuitous Foreign Language:
  • Gratuitous French: Showed up occasionally in the show's first season, where it hit home since the Ottawa area is heavily Francophone. In one skit, Marc, the show's "token" French-Canadian kid, reads the question and phone number for a contest in French, "to give [his] fellow 'frogs' a chance to get a jump ahead." In later seasons, kids would sometimes be drenched for saying eau, the French word for "water"; Christine once even got the bucket for saying "Oh," which sounds like eau. In a later episode, Christian, also French-Canadian, got his mouth washed out with French soap for cursing in French.
  • Gratuitous Spanish: This was used often in the firing squad skits. Also, in the "Revenge" episode, Lisa, after failing to get drenched for saying "water," tempts fate by saying "H2O" and then saying the word in German and Spanish. Saying agua triggers the water, followed by the show's new Spanish-speaking stagehand, Julio, offering Lisa a buenos días.
• Greasy Spoon: Barth's.
• Halloween Episode: The plot of 1984's "Halloween" had Ross convinced that Christine was a witch, after she apparently put a curse on him.
• Haunted House: Or haunted studio, in 1984's "ESP, Magic & Astrology." The poltergeist manages to levitate Ross, hurl a pie into Lisa's face, and send Moose flying through the air and crashing through the link set. Apparently the only way to exorcise it is for someone to get slimed, as happens to Lisa at the end of the show, after which the paranormal activity abruptly stops.
• I Ate What?: Most of the Barth sketches. One early episode involved a kid asking for the recipe of Barth's burger mixture and being given a list of the ingredients; suffice to say, they were not pleasant, including cigarette ash and spit. And that's tame compared to some of the ingredients used in later years.
  • "Executive Washrooms" (1979): Jim eagerly devours a plate of caviar, until Christine tells him what it is: "fish eggs, you know, like frog spawn." Retching, Jim runs for the bathroom.
  • "Smells" (1987): Due to a mixup in putting away the groceries, Dad puts shampoo on his salad, while Vanessa ends up washing her hair with bleu cheese dressing.
  • "Addictions" (1982): Dad's addiction to melba toast results in him eating several drink coasters.
  • "Cosmetics" (1982): Liz can't find her red nail polish. Cue Dad complaining about the tiny bottles of ketchup Mom keeps buying.
  • "Pets" (1983): In keeping with the Running Gag of Lisa repeatedly calling Christine a "dog" throughout the show, Christine eats a cookie Lisa gave her, only to find out that it's a dog biscuit left over from another skit.
  • "Mistakes" (1989): After Chris grouses about Dad drinking all the apple juice, he asks where his urine sample is for his doctor's appointment, and Mom tells him it's in an old apple juice bottle. Cue massive Spit Take from Dad.
  • "Country Life" (1986): Snake Eyes, the bus driver, has gotten a job transporting farm equipment. Vanessa tells him the "chocolate stuff" he has on the bus tastes great; Snake Eyes responds that it's not chocolate, it's manure.
  • "Celebrations" (1989): The kids eat haggis to represent Scotland, and even after Ross tells them what it's made of (sheep's intestines in a sheep's stomach). The kids love it... but only during the introduction to the opposites. So you can imagine what happens when the opposites are over.

Amy: Oh, GROSS! Get me some water, please! [she gets soaked]

• • In real life, one of the kids remembered taking a bite of food in a dinner-table sketch only to discover that she was eating food Les Lye (as Dad) had already spit out.
• I Can't Believe It's Not Heroin!: Invoked with cream pies in the episode "Drugs", the pies have this effect specifically because they're stand-ins for drugs and depicting use of the real thing would get the show pulled off the air. It's implied that the pies are analogic to smoking marijuana, with "heavier" drugs illustrated by the kids "splooshing" green slime (i.e. dumping it over their own heads).
• Ironic Name: The teacher character Mr. Schindler is modeled on Adolf Hitler.
• Jackass Genie: "My work here is done." Happened on at least three occasions:
  • "Not-So-Fair Show" (1982), with the "Unfairy Godmother" (played by Les Lye)

Christine: I said I wish I was thinner. Unfairy Godmother: Thinner! And so you shall be! (transforms Christine into a can of paint thinner)

• • "TV Commercials" (1986), Doug Ptolemy as the "Jiffy Genie"

Mrs. Prevert: Oh Jiffy Genie, can you get rid of all this oven grease? Jiffy Genie: In a flash, ma'am. (waves his arms, and Mrs. Prevert's entire oven disappears. Mrs. Prevert wails and begins to sob loudly) Announcer: Yes, with Jiffy Genie, you'll never have oven grease again. Jiffy Genie: (to camera) You'll never have an oven, period.

• • "Fitness" (1989) - Ted as the "Fitness Genie" grants Rekha her wish of being "lighter" by making her glow. He also gives Rekha the chance to lose more weight by making her fatter, so she can lose "more weight."
• The Jimmy Hart Version: The Theme Tune is a sendup of "The William Tell Overture".
• Just the Introduction to The Opposites: The Trope Namer
• Keep Circulating the Tapes: A DVD release has been imminent since at least 2003, but hasn't come to fruition and, following the CJOH fire, is most likely cancelled (see Missing Episode as to why). Early seasons of the show are now streaming on Paramount+, as of 2023 the only way to watch it legally (the 1981 and 1982 seasons earlier had an iTunes release). Episodes do turn up on YouTube occasionally, nevertheless.
• Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Matthew Godfrey, a cast member in 1986-87, was cast as the show's resident insufferable know-it-all after Roger Price spotted him reading the script to Amadeus during an audition. Despite being written as a know-it-all, he was pretty easy to trick into getting slimed or soaked, which happened in most of his episodes. Likewise, Kevin Ward, his Expy for the 1989-90 episodes.
• Laugh Track: In every episode from the 1982 season onward, as well as Whatever Turns You On and the syndicated half-hour cuts of the 1981 episodes.
  • Owing to the show's low budget, the hour-long local shows aired on CJOH in 1979 and 1981 did not have one, and Christine even badmouths the idea of laugh tracks in one episode before admitting that the reason the show doesn't have canned laughter is that they can't afford it.
• Lethal Chef: Barth, unabashedly. He even divulged the recipe to his burger mixture in one episode; suffice to say, it includes everything but fresh beef. Yet for some reason the kids keep eating at his diner.

Barth: [after the kids complain that the burger they were served looks nothing like the one in the ad] I'll have you know that is the self-same burger we took a picture of, six months ago.

• • By extension, Andrea in the 1987 episode "Books and Reading," after she cooks dinner using one of Barth's recipes.
  • Mrs. Prevert is a downplayed example. She can cook, but her area of expertise consists of liver and lima beans (or brussels sprouts).
  • Averted with Amy in 1990's "Learning", when she cooks dinner and it turns out she's a better cook than Mom. Out of jealousy, Valerie throws Amy's cooking out and announces she's serving bread and cheese for supper.
• Literal Genie: See Jackass Genie above.
• Loads and Loads of Roles: Les Lye played all the adult male characters (including the disgusting and possibly drunken diner chef, Barth), sporting enough distinct looks that this fact wasn't immediately obvious. Abby Hagyard (and, on Whatever Turns You On, Ruth Buzzi) had comparably fewer roles but still was the go-to for any adult female character (in between Whatever Turns You On and Hagyard's joining the show in 1982, adult female roles were played by Christine McGlade).
• Me's a Crowd: The good news: Alasdair's cloning machine works. The bad news: the person he decided to clown was Lisa, resulting in what was referred to by the crew as "The Thunderous Nattering Lisas" - four Lisas chattering away at the same time. Even more impressive, each of the Nattering Lisas' monologues was ad-libbed.
• Merchandise Driven: In real life, averted, as the only YCDTOTV merchandise marketed while the series was on the air included "Green Slime Shampoo and Soap" (available only via mail order or as prizes on Double Dare) and a 1989 tenth-anniversary Worst of YCDTOTV VHS tape. In-universe, the "Marketing" episode (1984) involves the kids trying to come up with ideas of merchandise to sell so that the show, which is in danger of cancellation because it's not profitable, can stay on the air. (In real life, the show was very profitable for CJOH due to all the international sales.)
• Missing Episode: Two episodes of the show were banned:
  • In America, the episode called "Adoption" was banned due to fears that adopted children would find some of the sketches offensive (despite a very clear warning at the beginning stating that the jokes weren't meant to hurt anyone). In Canada, this episode was allowed to air, but the part where Lance Prevert tries to give his adopted kid back to the agency, only to learn that "adoption is for life," had Lance's line "Damn bureaucrat!" muted out.
  • In Canada, the episode called "Divorce" was reportedly banned by CTV, but some Canadian viewers who remember seeing the episode on YTV beg to differ.
  • Until recently, it was thought that almost nothing remained of the 1979 season, which was a local production and often aired live. The missing episodes (outside of the three known to be extant due to home taping) were released several years ago by Roger Price to YouTube, but have since been removed. The same goes for the short-lived 1983 WGBH/PBS spinoff, Don't Look Now! Nevertheless, the only episodes yet to be located as of 2023 are most of the hour-long, Ottawa-only episodes from the 1981 season.
  • A fire in the CJOH building in February, 2010, destroyed the master tapes of many of the episodes.
    • Fortunately, there's always fan-tapes of those, save for most of the 1979 season. VHS recordings from Nickelodeon, YTV or even CJOH itself show up occasionally on YouTube.
• Motor Mouth: Lisa Ruddy acquired this persona on the show after she was late to a script readthrough because she had detention for talking in class. At one point, Nasti (the dungeon master) uses Lisa as a torture device for just this reason. In another episode, the kids decide to market "Talking Lisa Dolls" as merchandise to keep the show from going under.
• Ms. Fanservice: Christine "Moose" McGlade. She was much older than the other kids (although not much taller), which was made apparent whenever she wore swimsuits, aerobics leotards, short skirts, sleeveless tops or other outfits that made it obvious she had a chest, though her complaining about being made to wear such outfits made her also a Reluctant Fanservice Girl. She hosted the "Personal Hygiene" episode while taking a bath and was sometimes made to wear Bankruptcy Barrels when her clothes went missing (or were given away). She even did something of a striptease in the opening links to the "Seasons" / "Weather" episode, starting off bundled up in winter clothes and peeling off layers to reveal a swimsuit (a one-piece, granted, but still). Ross asked her if she was trying to get the show taken off the air, and she responded with a blunt "Yes."
  • Mr. Fanservice: Alasdair and the other boys were frequently shown in their skivvies, much to the delight of squealing fangirls everywhere.
• No Fourth Wall: The show knows it's a show and the characters constantly interact with the "director". An episode about divorce had the show being interrupted because the director and his wife split up and she took half of the show. They also talk to the viewer constantly. One notable instance was the "Technology" episode, in which Christine and others exhorted the viewer to touch a red or green square on the screen to influence the outcome of a sketch. Many viewers remember touching the squares and thinking this was for real.
• The Not-So-Harmless Punishment: One sketch had a child being 'grounded' and having his shoes taken away. The kid points out that having his shoes taken away won't stop him leaving the house. The adult then says that the child has misunderstood. Now that he has taken off his rubber-soled shoes, he is 'grounded' and hands the kid a live electric cable...
• Only Sane Kid: Moose, in a capacity similar to that of Kermit The Frog on the The Muppet Show.
• Outgrown Such Silly Superstitions: In the "Fairy Tales" episode, Vanessa pooh-poohs it when Alasdair tells her not to walk under a ladder. Turns out it's because Dad's painting the house, which Vanessa discovers when she gets "slimed" with orange paint.
• Panty Shot: Christine in a host segment where she's in a tennis outfit and suffers a broken leg. Of course, the dress has a pretty short skirt to begin with. When she gets a triple drenching in that same episode, her undergarments are also visible through the soaked yellow fabric.
  • In the "Safety First" episode, Christine also had her skirt "blown up" a la Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch, though it didn't expose anything more than the pantyhose she was wearing.
• Pie in the Face: Not as ubiquitous as the green slime, but it popped up on a number of occasions. One episode (1981's "Drugs") was even built around the gag, equating the stupidity of hitting yourself with a pie to the stupidity of harming yourself by taking drugs.
• Playing Sick: The "Illness" episode has a lot of this with the kids pretending to be sick so they can stay home from school, as does the "Back to School" episode. Mom is never fooled.
• Plot-Based Voice Cancellation: The closing theme music was sometimes used for this. In the "Science" episode, Ross has the closing credits roll while Alasdair, who has figured out the ingredients of green slime, reports on his findings (Christine's grossed-out expression suggests they are not pleasant). And in "Books and Reading," the librarian, upset that the episode has had no meaningful library sketches, tries to deliver a spiel on the benefits of reading and gets drowned out by the closing theme.
• Potty Emergency: In many episodes. In the "Moving" episode, Vanessa panics when she discovers that the previous owners of their new house took the toilet with them when they moved. In another episode, one of the kids dashes for the bathroom in a panic after discovering that the "chocolate bars" she was snacking on were in fact laxatives.
• Rich Bitch: Naida in the "Poverty and Unemployment" episode. After the kids are all fired by the show, she gets her friends jobs as her personal servants, and proceeds to bully them mercilessly. She gets a green, slimy comeuppance at the end of the show. One of the girls on Don't Look Now!, Jocelyn, had a similar personality (and likewise got her Break the Haughty moment via two Yellow Yuckings).
• Sadist Teacher: A recurring character was a school principal that looked and acted like Hitler. The principal (also played by Les Lye) delighted in giving kids Writing Lines assignments of literally thousands of pages in detention. Ruth Buzzi's teacher character on Whatever Turns You On, Miss Fit, wasn't much better.
• The Scottish Trope: "I don't know!"
  • And "water" (or early on, "wet").
  • In the "Enemies and Paranoia" episode, the word "Free".
  • In one opposite sketch, Lisa Ruddy was slimed for saying "I know," while anyone who said "I don't know" got away scot-free. In another episode, the Unfairy Godmother gets four kids slimed at once for saying "We know" - it's not fair, but since she's the Unfairy Godmother, that's the point.
  • On Don't Look Now!, the trigger phrase for Yellow Yuck was "Don't blame me!"
  • Played with many, many, many times. A more extensive list of examples is on the Scottish Trope home page.
• Self-Deprecation: Many of the jokes were about how awful/boring the show was.
• Shot At Dawn: A regular sketch involved one of the kids about to be shot by one. They often (but not always) escaped execution by tricking the commandant. The commandant also appeared in a recurring sketch with the kid Locked in the Dungeon (the source of the "fresh air" catchphrase above).
  • The equivalent on Don't Look Now! involved a pirate forcing a kid to walk a gangplank. In this case, though, the kid usually lost.
• Shout-Out: The mock pre-empts were an example, skewering everything from Sesame Street to Roseanne to The A-Team.
  • The Sesame Street and Muppet Show references were apparently not lost on Jim Henson, who later had Kermit the Frog interview Alasdair for Muppet Magazine (a segment which also resulted in Miss Piggy getting slimed).
• Smoking Is Cool: Averted; the show tackled the subject of smoking twice (in 1981 and again in 1989) and both episodes went out of their way to show smoking as an undesirable habit, although in the show's typical non-Anvilicious way. The 1981 version featured Les Lye (himself an ex-smoker) coming out of character to deliver an anti-smoking message at the end of the episode. The 1989 version was considerably more "gross," putting forth the theory that green slime is mucus scraped from smokers' lungs.
• Special Guest: Ruth Buzzi was promoted as such for the entire run of Whatever Turns You On, each episode of which also featured a taped musical performance (on the link set) of a Canadian pop or rock star of the era.
• Suspiciously Similar Substitute: The entire cast over time, and especially when they replaced everyone for the 1989 and 1990 seasons.
• Take That: Nothing was sacred on this show, from politicians like George Bush to pop stars like Michael Jackson and Boy George. PBS and its programs were a frequent target of ribbing too. A lot of this showed up in the fake pre-empts: "Mister Rogers, Neighborhood Pusher" ("Drugs," 1981); "Big Bird Dances Swan Lake" ("Culture Junk," 1982); "The Electric Company Blows a Fuse" ("Technology," 1984). The skewering didn't end even when Roger Price and Geoffrey Darby made the short-lived Don't Look Now! for PBS itself in 1983.
  • When the show was Canada-only, CBC was a frequent target, as was CTV's KidStuff (a popular and award-winning equivalent to Zoom).
• Teeth Flying: In the "Time" episode, Barth markets his "1960s Style Burger" - so named because the buns were baked in 1963. Cue Jennifer and Sariya spitting out teeth from trying to bite into the fossilized buns.
• Title Drop: Didn't happen as much as you might think, but it did occasionally in the early years of the show.
  • One early 1979 episode featured an on-screen crawl: "YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION... WE JUST DID."
  • "Drugs" (1981) has Christine explaining in her opening monologue that they can't talk about real drugs on the show or they'd get taken off the air, adding, "You can't do that on television!"
  • In the opening to "Fads and Fashion" (1982):

Kevin: Where do you think you're going? Moose: To do the introduction to the show. Lisa: You can't do that on television! Moose: Yeah, that's the show, all right. Now if you'll excuse me-... Lisa: No, I meant you cannot go on television dressed like that! Our audience will think we're in the Dark Ages!

• Vomit Discretion Shot: Whoever figures out what (or who) is in the burger in Barth's diner always chucks. Sometimes into buckets typically provided by said Barth. How else do you think he gets his "Special Sauce"? In one episode, Snake Eyes even arranged to have the school bus's exhaust piped into the bus to make the kids sick on purpose, so he could sell the "special sauce" to Barth.
• Weight Woe: "Fat" jokes abounded, whether the target was Christine McGlade or Lisa Ruddy in early years or Jennifer Brackenbury or Rekha Shah in later years (none of whom were particularly fat). Rekha's attempts to lose weight were a Running Gag in the "Fitness" episode, with Ted as the Fitness Genie always there to make everything worse.
  • On the flip side of the coin, Alasdair was the target of various "thin" jokes - until puberty hit.
• Who Even Needs a Brain?: A sketch had a mother getting far too enthusiastic about cleaning out her child's ears, and cleaning out everything between them as well. It had no noticeable effect on the child.
  • In the "Illness" episode, Les Lye's Doctor character decides to remove Doug's brain. Doug is horrified - until he realizes it means no more school, and cheerfully goes along with it.
• You Can Say That Again: At the end of "Friends" (1984), which dealt with the other kids giving Christine the cold shoulder because the checks her mother paid them to be her friends were late.

Announcer: [voiceover] You Can't Do That on Television has been an Unfriendly production. Christine: [voiceover] You can say that again. Announcer: [voiceover] You Can't Do That on Television- Christine: [voiceover] Oh, shut up!