You Can't Do That on Television/Radar

This show got a surprising amount of adult humor out there, though some of it that wasn't caught in Canada was caught and censored by Nickelodeon (see "Edited for Syndication" entry on the main page.) A particularly glaring example is the fact that the show either (depending on your perspective) got a Spin-Off or had its name changed for a season, which in either case resulted in a program called Whatever Turns You On.

Sex/Nudity

• Several episodes had the famous water scenes where one actress always wore white shirts that appeared to be quite transparent when wet. How they were able to keep showing this girl's nipples on television is anyone's guess.
• "Hey Dad, you know how I you said I couldn't...you know...until I got married? Well, I'm going to get married. See ya later."
• One skit that was cut from the "Body Parts" episode had Karen declaring that her favorite part of a man's body is "what's in the pants." Christine is horrified, until Karen clarifies she was talking about wallets.
• "Television"
  • An Opposite Sketch. Kevin and Lisa are watching TV in the bedroom, and there are some near-erotic sounds coming from the TV, in Kevin and Lisa's voices: "Oh, Kevin!" "Oh, Lisa!" Suddenly there's a knock at the door.

Lisa: Uh oh... Mrs. Prevert: Lisa, have you got that television set on in there?! Lisa: Uh, no Mom! Mrs. Prevert: Well then, what's going on in there? I heard voices. Lisa: I've got a boy in here with me! Mrs. Prevert: Well, that's okay then. Just don't let me catch you with that television set on. Lisa: Right, Mom! [To Kevin] We've got her mad now; I guess we'd better turn it off! Kevin: Just as it was getting interesting! Lisa: What do we do now? Kevin: Got any cards?

• "Medicine"

Mrs. Prevert: How many times do I have to tell you... Lisa: Aw, Mom... Mrs. Prevert: Don't "Aw, Mom" me! How many times do I have to tell you not to play Doctor with that Johnny! Lisa: But Mom, there's nothing wrong in that! Mrs. Prevert: "Nothing wrong in that"?! I've told you again and again, Johnny is a specialist! It's costing us a fortune! If you're going to play Doctor, I want you to play it with Ralph. He's a general practitioner.

• "Seasons or Weather"

Christine: [introducing the show, dressed in a heavy overcoat and hat] I would just like to show you how the weather affects our lives - for instance, the clothes we wear. In the winter, we have to bundle up because we're suffering through that freezing cold! And then... [takes off overcoat and hat to reveal that she has on a red raincoat] comes the spring... with its soft spring rains. And then... [takes off raincoat to reveal that she is wearing a one-piece bathing suit] THE SCORCHING HEAT OF SUMMER!!! Angry Crew Member (offscreen): CUT IT OFF! Ross: [walks up to Christine with a bathrobe, which he uses to cover her up] Christine! What are you doing?! Christine: Well, Ross, I'm introducing the show. I thought that since it was about weather, I'd just, uh... [laughs sheepishly] Ross: Do you realize what the Censor Board would say about this? Do you want them to take this show off the air? Christine: [laughing and grinning wickedly] Yes.

• "Censorship": A number of jokes revolve around black bars over cast members' pelvic regions turning out to merely be covering shorts once removed.
• "Halloween": During the closing credits, Christine runs through a list of demands she wants for her dressing room, one of which is a mirror. Ross asks her if she wants the mirror on the ceiling.
• "Inequalities (Kids vs. Adults)": Ross forces the kids to put out a fire in the dressing room era. Turns out it was caused when an actress fell asleep on the Casting Couch while smoking.
  • Christine is also forced to host wearing a Ms. Fanservice outfit with extremely short sleeves and extremely short shorts (and her hair in a ponytail, which never happened in any other episode), which she complains about during her introduction.
• The "Culture Junk" episode has a few gags about nude paintings.
  • Kevin is painting a portrait of Moose, who is outraged when he tells her he's painting her nude.

Moose: Listen Kevin, I'm not posing in the nude for you or anyone else! Kevin: Oh don't worry, you don't have to. I'll finish it later. I have a very vivid imagination. ... Ow! [reels backward in pain] Moose: I just imagined that I slugged you one. [as Kevin is shown with a black eye] And I have a very vivid imagination, too.

• • Klea agrees to pose nude for Brodie and spends the entirety of one skit behind a partition, suggesting she's already disrobed or is about to. She asks Brodie whether he's painted nudes before, and he replies that all of his subjects so far have worn "nothing but skin" when he painted them. Turns out he's referring to fruit.
• "Outer Space": In a dungeon skit, Nasti gives Adam a telescope so he can look at the stars.

Adam: [excited] It's Christine McGlade! Nasti: What? She isn't a star! Adam: Well, I can see right into her dressing room! Nasti: [takes telescope away] Give me that! You call that exciting?! Adam: [excited] Yeah! Nasti: Boy, you *have* been in here too long.

• In one episode, Dad is about to give Lisa The Talk, but she begs off, saying she has a headache.

Lance: You know, she really does take after her mother.

• "Luck"

Vanessa and Doug are playing cards as Valerie enters. Vanessa: I'm in luck! Three sevens, Dougie! I won! Peel. Valerie: (gasping) Children! I would be horrified that you would be playing like strip poker! It's immoral! Doug: No, mom, not strip poker, food poker. (He peels a banana.) Valerie: Oh. I've never head of food poker. I'm sorry, Dougie. I don't know what I was thinking of. Doug: By the way, mom, what is strip poker? Valerie: Never you mind, young man. Just eat that banana. Vanessa: Hey, Dougie, wanna play another hand, double or nothing?

• "Books and Reading"

Mrs. Prevert is washing a stack of books in the sink. Adam: Mom! What are you doing? Mrs. Prevert: Oh, hello Adam. I was just washing some dirty books I found in your father's closet. Adam: Mom, you're ruining them! Mrs. Prevert: (faking concern) Oh, am I, dear? Adam: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? I'm going to go tell Dad. Mrs. Prevert: That's a good idea, dear. While you're at it, why don't you tell him that I just finished washing the dirty books I found in your closet. Your father would probably be very pleased to know that you have similar tastes in literature. Adam: ...Okay, maybe I won't then. Mrs. Prevert: Wise move.

Gender Identity/Sexual Orientation

• One Les Lye character seen in the first season only is "wardrobe monsieur" Frederic, a pretty obvious gay stereotype, complete with "lispy" voice and rainbow wig.
  • In another first-season episode, a boy asks Dad if he can take the car out. Dad replies, "Wouldn't you rather take a girl out instead?" "Aw, but Dad!" protests the boy, letting his wrist hang limply in a stereotypical "gay" gesture.
• "Hobbies": Dad berates Vanessa for using Wyatt as a model for the dress she's sewing. Vanessa explains that the dress isn't for her, it's for Wyatt, who wants to look like Boy George.
• From "Friends" (1984):

Lisa: My best friend likes the same music I do, watches the same movies I do, eats the same food I do, and wears the same clothes I do. Luke: So? Seems perfectly normal. Lisa: Yeah, but something worries me, because my best friend is a guy.

Drugs/Alcohol

• On the "Drugs" episode, the show that was going to be pre-empted by You Can't Do That On Television is "Mr. Rogers: Neighborhood Pusher."
• "Rumors": The teacher Mr. Schidler talks about a rumor going around saying he's a secret alcoholic. He decides to put the rumor to rest by taking the bottle out of his desk and becoming an open alcoholic instead. He also invites the kids to drink with him, and they happily oblige.
• "Culture Junk": In the opening link, Christine is seated at a bar about to make a mixed drink when Ross interrupts her, tells her the bar is "for the technicians" and she's meant to be at a ballet barre. This skit was cut from Nickelodeon airings post-1983, so that the episode began cold with the opening theme.
• Dad (Mr. Prevert) was a sloppy, slobbish drunk, especially in earlier seasons - so much that Nickelodeon reportedly asked the show to ease up on his alcohol consumption. In the "Halloween" episode, he goes trick-or-treating with the kids and brings home not candy, but several six-packs.

Dad: You trick-or-treat your way, and I'll trick-or-treat mine.

• "Heroes"

Two Boy Scouts are sitting on a house's front porch with a case of bottled beer. Boy Scouts (drunkenly): Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer... Scoutmaster: [Blows whistle] Empty bottles! You were supposed to collect empty bottles! Boy Scout: We've been emptying them.... [Belch]

Violence

• "Parties"

Alasdair: Alanis... If... if you won't go with me to the network party, I'm just going to have to kill myself, that's all. Alanis: Oh, Alasdair. How touching. I really want to help you. Okay. Alasdair: You'll come? Alanis: No, I'll go. Alasdair: You'll go? Great! Alanis: I'll go and get my father's gun.

• "Nutrition"
  • A series of sketches in this episode involved Lisa talking too much. At one point, a school skit had all of the other students and the teacher pull guns out of their desks and aimed them at Lisa.
  • In the same episode, after Christine is drenched from above with milk, she snarks, "Whoever writes these clever little ditties should be advised that writing may be hazardous to your health," and points a gun at the camera.
• "Addiction"

Christine: Now this is the ultimate video cartridge. It lets you play with your favorite TV program and do what you've always wanted to do. Like, you could shoot down all those stupid little Smurfs, or you could make The Dukes of Hazzard get into a 20-car collision, or you could sink The Love Boat; think of it - you could commit arson...

• "Moving": Snake Eyes, the bus driver, runs over Flip, an eccentric (to say the least) transfer student from California. After a horrified Lisa calls him out for it, Snake Eyes tells her he had orders from the principal to run the kid down.
• "Culture Junk"

An Opposite Sketch. Kevin comes in wearing a trenchcoat, hat and sunglasses, carrying a violin case. Mr. Prevert: Hey Kevin! Come here. Where do you think you're going with that? [points to the violin case] Kevin: I'm gonna go shoot up the neighborhood, Dad. Kevin opens the violin case to reveal a machine gun. Mr Prevert: I thought you were going to some boring violin lesson or something like that. Go on. Have fun!

• "Censorship"

While all the kids sitting in the movie theater are cut down by a barrage of bullets: Film announcer: Coming soon to a theater near you, "RAMBO KILLS EVERYONE"! See Rambo shoot your friends. See him kill you! See Rambo shoot everyone in the whole world without having to reload his machine gun once. "RAMBO KILLS EVERYONE"!

Profanity

• Episode 7

Bradfield: Dad, what's the definition of "ignorance and apathy"? Senator Prevert: I don't know, and I don't give a sh--... care.

• "Divorce": During the locker jokes, Alasdair, when asked whether his parents are divorced, replies he's not sure if his parents even got married.

Marjorie: [shocked] You mean you're a... Other Kids, in Unison: DON'T SAY IT!!!

• "Halloween"

Lisa: Oh, Christine? Christine: Yes, Lisa? Lisa: Did you go out trick-or-treating? Christine: Actually, no, I just stayed home and helped to hand out the treats. Lisa: I thought so. Christine: What do you mean? Lisa: All night long I kept hearing about the "witch" on your street!